#i am just...

Belly has gotten a lot of hate this season and I think this might not be an accident. I think they're trying to portray that Belly is at her worst and most immature when she's with Jeremy (I'm talking about this season particularly because she was a teenager before and her immaturity can be explained by that). And so this made me think right, why wouldn't she want to look at herself in the mirror? Is it because subconsciously she hates who she's become?

And like it's so funny because she says Jere is her best friend, but we've continuously seen Conrad step into that role this season. He's constantly there for her, making sure she's eating, talking to Laurel, they have some deep conversations and incidentally he is the only one who tells her this wedding isn't her. He's not sugar coating it, which is what a best friend is supposed to do. Be honest. And while Taylor hae been very supportive, I do feel she's maybe not being entirely honest with Belly about what she thinks. She's trying to avoid another fight and she knows Belly needs a friend, so she's pushing it down.

This all paired with the fact Belly's narration returns after the bathroom scene, further paired with the fact that the last TS song we've heard before that was You're Losing Me - I can't find a pulse /My heart won't start anymore - and Belly's narration returns in the bathroom scene, during which False God plays, a song that starts with a... You guessed it, a heartbeat.

Until.

You're back, and you're not you, but it's okay because Talia is willing to bring you back (as a favor to bruce, who doesn't know you're alive) and then you're you again or sort of, you're different, you're wrong and you're so so angry and hurt. She brought you back for bruce, Bruce who wasn't fast enough, Bruce who has another kid in your boots, Bruce who will never killed the joker, not even for you . The world marched on without you, and now you're back like a piece of gum on their shoes, and youre pissed that's all you are so fuck it all you can at least become a thorn in their side, if you can never be their beloved soldier again, you can at least become a problem. While you're at it, you'll save all the people batman never could, you'll clean up the streets permanently because there's already blood on your hands and they already thought you were a murderer anyway. And in the meantime you'll scare that kid out of your boots before he goes and gets himself killed just like you did.

i can't even comprehend that amount of money

0.00001% of this sum would solve my entire life

the fuck. The fuck. The fuckkkkkk