#hysaxander

It didn't have to be properly used in context, and would be the only response he'd have to any input. If he were to leave this state, Alex would either have to leave him be for a while, or slowly try to coax out any other words- neither were ideal, but fuck it. Sensic plane or not, this was bound to happen again, it's part of how Xander worked... and Alex knew leaving him to fester in this state didn't usually end well.

"I'm not upset with you. I do love you, you know. Things happen, we move on, it's okay."

"...What do I need to do."

And so the search for a needle in the haystack began.

"Do you think I should be mad at you right now?"

"...I misbehaved and I apologize."

Here we go...

"You were frustrated, and I didn't know how to handle it either. It's okay, we're past it."

"...What do I do."

Like being booted out to the main menu when BEI's systems fucked up...

"...Let's leave this room, then. Do you need a minute?"

"It's up to you."

...Great.

"I'll say we take a break, then. Come on, we'll cuddle for a bit."

Xander sat tense and still on the bench stool like a damn brick.

"It's okay. Take my hand, it's okay."

Xander felt fucking awful for this. He wanted to just function like a fucking person, leave behind an incident Alex didn't care about, and go cuddle with his fucking boyfriend. And yet here he was, unable to fucking budge.

Alex slowly took his hand. "I love you. It's okay. C'mon, let's go..."

Xander was able to force himself to stand, and take a step every couple seconds. They went back to the living room; Alex laid on the couch, motioning for Xander to lay with him.

Xander stood still, watching the motion a few times. "It's okay, I love you. Come here."

Xander slowly sunk down, laying still next to Alex like a wooden board.

Regardless, Alex wrapped his arms around Xander. "I love you, it's okay. I'm not mad at you." He gave a soft kiss on Xander's neck, and it managed to bring him back just a bit.

"...I'm sorry I'm wasting so much time right now."

"You aren't, I don't have anything I have to do; I'm following you in all this, remember. We don't have a time limit. It's okay to breathe."

"...I just got overwhelmed. You were trying to help and saying a lot of information, and my head was already hurting..."

There we go, finally past the blank 'im sorry, its my fault' bullshit.

"That's valid. You were rightfully frustrated; BlackEye tech can't make good on the promises they make for their products, who could imagine. It was just the way you shoved it over; It felt more like you were upset with me personally for backseating, kind of. But--"

"Right, sorry. That wasn't okay."

Xander slipped out of Alex's embrace, his mind feeling it was being crushed in like a ball of tinfoil.

"I'll leave so you can get a minute--"

"Xander, that isn't--"

"It's okay, I'm sorry--"

Alex wasn't having this; before Xander could shrink away, he grabbed his hand. "I don't want time to myself. I'm worried about you."

"...I don't know what to do."

God fucking damn it.

"I didn't say that to make you feel bad. I wanted to clarify it was a moment I didn't know what to do, there's many things like this, isn't not something that's your fault specifically. I care about how you feel, and all I want right now is to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine. I'm isolating now so my emotions don't influence my actions more than--"

"God fucking DAMN IT- I love you, but you're so fucking childish sometimes."

Alex's grip on Xander's hand tightened as he yanked Xander into his embrace; arms locked so he couldn't budge.

He felt like shit doing this as a means of grounding him, but... shit, it was the only means he knew would work. He bit down on Xander's neck, holding it for a while before trying to talk again; Judging from the way he shook, he at least wasn't buried under 12 layers of haze anymore.

"Of course this is the only thing that works, damn it... Get that fucking visor off your face. I hate how you try to hide yourself like this."

Xander hesitated, meekly reaching up and removing the visor across his face, placing it on the table nearby.

Alex's temper came back down the second he saw that beautiful gleam, before turning to sorrow as his pupils locked onto his own.

"...Still not letting them go, huh?"

His gaze darted away; at least his response had substance.

"...I don't know, it's... not a priority right now."

They did meet within the company, it's not like Alex had even seen him without that damn logo staining his eyes like a burned brand. Hell, Alex still had his; it only ever came to mind when he saw it in Xander. Maybe that's another reason he kept them hidden, he always tried so actively to avoid any tinge of conflict- regardless of fault.

“Right…”

His embrace tightened, seeped now in grief and hollow desperation. “I love you, sweetheart. I'm sorry. I… Don't blame yourself for this, please. I just wish I could help you better. You matter a lot to me, you know.”

Xander was back to about 50% operating capacity, give or take. “I love you too, I… Don't know why I get like that, I know it's stupid.”

Alex sighed, and slowly reached up to pet Xander's head; making sure to run his fingers through his hair a bit, just the way he liked.

“No, it's valid. Frustration isn't an easy thing to deal with. It's okay, we'll deal with it later. You, and how you feel matters way more to me than some issue like this.”

Xander wasn't sure how to respond, but the haze was dissipating more- but instead of returning to his previous state, he just felt his energy leaving with it. “I might need a break after all, actually…”

Alex didn't relent in his hold, falling back onto the couch with Xander in his arms. “Sounds good to me.” He gave Xander a little peck on the top of his head.

“I'm here. I love you.”