for some reason i started thinking that to myself in bed last night. i wanted to remember it in the morning, but i didn't want to get up. but i didn't want to forget it. you're so perfect with your fat cock out.

so i thought, i could try to hypnotize myself to remember it from a signal in the morning. so i looked around, and i realized that the first thing i usually do when i wake up -- in the first moment -- is look at the clock. or think, "what time is it?"

so i thought that might be a good signal to remember this phrase. so i started thinking to myself, "time. time for cock. you look so perfect with your fat cock out."

i don't usually use language like "fat cock." it's a little brash. so i'm wondering again -- considering what i wrote yesterday -- if someone else isn't at least partly responsible here. and i was thinking that in bed last night, too, while i thought to myself, over and over, "time. time for cock. you look so perfect with your fat cock out."

something i do to try to fall asleep is to count as high as i can. if i forget where i was, i start over. if i get to 300, i get up and have a drink of water and stretch, then read for a few minutes until i feel tired enough that i might fall asleep if i tried counting again. when i do this, i "count seconds," but not with mississippis -- i say "relaxation" after each number. it's the same number of syllables, so...

so i was doing this also, though instead of "relaxation" i was counting the number of times i thought "time. time for cock. you're so perfect with your fat cock out." to myself. that's a few more syllables, but who's counting...

i woke up this morning and thought to myself, as i often do, "what time is it?" and then i thought, "time. time for cock. you're so perfect with your fat cock out." so it worked. successful experiment! though i'm still not quite sure if i'm the experimenter.

something else i've thought about actually for kind of a while is...well, let me give some background first. those of you who are more...deep on the internet...may have heard of a "tulpa." the original meaning of this term is a mental construct or summoned spirit being (depending on interpretation) who is "built" or "summoned" or "created" by conscious meditative practices, until the presence of the "tulpa" is felt at all times, and it can be talked to as if it were another person living inside yourself. internet people heard about this, and tried to create "tulpas" of their favorite anime characters and so forth. whether or not it worked, i wouldn't know -- there seemed to be a lot of interest in it for a while, but it seems to have faded. that's sort of how i imagine it's likely to go -- it's quite likely that with several days or weeks of studious practice you can "imprint" the idea of a "tulpa" on your own brain, but if this intentional, conscientious practice is not kept up, the "tulpa" is likely to fade or be partly forgotten -- just like any other skill you practice. one might consciously pick it up again at some point, and it would probably be much easier to get back there than it was to get there the first time, but i think a lot of people were hoping they could create a "permanent mental imaginary friend" for themselves...and working on it consciously if it starts to fade might only remind someone with such ideas that it's not "really real."

the reason i talk about this is not because i've ever done it. but i have had the thought that, along these same lines, a hypnotist could leave behind in someone's mind a "ghost" of themselves -- that, when signalled by something, the person they hypnotized might seemingly of their own volition imagine the hypnotist hypnotizing them again.

if you as a hypnotist were interested in the people you'd hypnotized hypnotizing themselves ever more deeply -- and were interested in them thinking it was entirely their imagination running wild -- this would maybe be the best way to do it. the best way that i can think of anyway. it's a simple instruction: "whenever you are in a quiet place, and you happen to think about being hypnotized, you'll start to imagine me hypnotizing you. when you start to think about me hypnotizing you, it's such a fascinating idea that you almost can't stop thinking about it. when you think about me hypnotizing you, you can imagine being hypnotized to do anything you're curious about, or you can imagine it being proved to you that you're deeply, deeply hypnotized, so you can't choose but believe and know that you are really, really, completely hypnotized. when you imagine me hypnotizing you, i might snap my fingers, or click my tongue, or flicker my fingers in front of your eyes, or tap your forehead, or drop a faceted crystal in front of your eyes, swaying back and forth slowly, spinning slightly side to side. or you might imagine new ways to be hypnotized, laying out on a beach and focusing ever more intently on the feeling of the sun on your skin until it's just overwhelming and your breathing starts to get faster and faster until i snap -- and you open your eyes, wide awake, just in the room here with me. where was the beach? imagine being that hypnotized -- you were at the beach, and *snap!* you open your eyes somewhere else. it feels almost like you fell asleep on the beach and someone carried you home, and it felt to you just like it was one moment and then the next. that's when you see people's eyes go wide -- that's when you see people really realize that they are hypnotized. and then they look at the hypnotist, wondering what might happen next, knowing that anything is possible, knowing that the hypnotist might click their tongue, and their eyes might close, and they might be in a forest now. a cool forest with the wind whispering in the trees. and then, snap! and you open your eyes, and you're in the room again. where was the forest? if that's the first thought you have -- where was i just now? -- the second thought will be that you are deeply hypnotized. and the third thought would be that you were at the beach, and really believed you were there, and then you were in a forest, and really believed you were there, even though you were aware -- just a second before that -- that you were being hypnotized. then you might realize that the hypnotist is able to take you just anywhere. you might remember that you go instantly into hypnosis at the click of a tongue, or you might not remember what the signal is until it happens -- and then there's only time for the slightest recognition, the slightest start at the realization that you're falling rapidly into deep hypnosis -- only time for that slight start of surprise, not enough time for your mind to write down in itself what the signal was. you've only half-started to register it before you're already too deep in hypnotic trance.

so if i keep imagining a hypnotist hypnotizing me, could it be because i've been hypnotized to hypnotize myself by imagining a hypnotist hypnotizing me? it sounds a little hard to believe, but really it would be simpler than laying out a whole set of instructions for someone who's hypnotized to remember in order to hypnotize themselves again later. it's simpler to state -- and i would believe that it's far more effective, because it uses a person's own thoughts and ideas. quite often, a stage hypnotist will ask someone how they picture being hypnotized -- a person might say, "with a pocket watch," or, "uhm, like a vampire, looking into someone's eyes." this does two things: first, the person is imagining hypnosis, imagining being hypnotized. they might go so far as to imagine their eyes getting heavy and blinking closed, relaxing, head dropping forward, doing whatever the hypnotist said. they're setting up in their own mind their own idea of the role they're about to take. this all might happen even if they just say, "i don't know." secondly, of course, a hypnotist can take whatever they might say and either fulfill or subvert their expectations. they might say, "sure, i have a picket watch right here," and start to hypnotize them. they might also say, "you don't need a pocket watch to be hypnotized -- just sit straight up, hands in your lap, relax, and look at that light there all the way on the other side." in other words, once the idea of hypnosis, of being hypnotized, is brought into the person's mind, the "source" of the hypnosis can be placed anywhere the hypnotist says. in the second case -- you don't need a pocket watch, just look at that light there -- the person being hypnotized is likely now imagining staring at that light until their eyes get heavy and close and they relax, fall asleep and do whatever the hypnotist says. they're already going to be thinking that even before the hypnotist says anything else. it's even possible at this point for the hypnotist not to say anything else -- the hypnotist could start talking to someone else on the stage, and leave the first person to stare into the light until their eyes get heavy (as everyone's do) and they close their eyes and think they've been hypnotized. and of course, if they think they've been hypnotized, then they are hypnotized.

and we can apply that to imagining a hypnotist hypnotizing you as well. your imaginary hypnotist would know exactly what to do to hypnotize you. your imaginary hypnotist would know exactly what to say. a hypnotist could create, essentially, an imaginary version of themselves inside you, which would be better at hypnotizing you than they were themselves, because, well, it's really you doing it. to the person being hypnotized, if they forgot about the suggestion to imagine a hypnotist hypnotizing them, it would just feel like they were fantasizing increasingly deeply & intensely about being hypnotized.

so to return to myself -- if i keep imagining myself being hypnotized, and i keep writing all these posts about how i imagine myself being hypnotized, so that everyone reading them would know exactly how to hypnotize me, or at least have a good idea, then, could i have been hypnotized to do this? there is, as i said previously, the possibility of an ask or a dm that hypnotized me which i've deleted and forgotten. there is also the possibility that i'm just taking a suggestion to "share your experiences" and my intense interest in hypnosis is taking that wherever it wants.

if i think, however, about things i've listened to recently, there is one file that does ask you to imagine being hypnotized in the future. in fact it asks you to imagine all the ways that you might be hypnotized. if i'm remembering correctly, it then asks you to imagine all the ways you might be hypnotized flashing before your eyes almost too fast to get more than a glimpse of each one. you're sitting on a stage, and someone *snaps.* you're standing on a stage with your eyes closed, and someone puts their hand on your shoulder, clicks their tongue and taps your forehead, and you slip somehow in a second onto the ground. someone raises your left hand and drops it, and then your right hand, and then both your hands start to feel an intensifying tingling sensation, and then you sort of lose track of where your hands even are. you test if you can open your eyes but you can't even hardly figure out how to try. you realize you must be hypnotized. then you imagine opening a message you were sent, clicking a link, seeing a spiral, feeling hypnotized in a second, knowing you're being hypnotized, knowing in a few seconds your eyes will get heavy, and close, and you'll relax back, and listen to the words...until you're *snap* wide awake! and you realize something must have hypnotized you, but you don't know what it might have been.

now i have listened to that file several times before. ok, a lot of times. so while it could have inspired the "imagine a hypnotist hypnotizing you" posthypnotic suggestion, as i've thought about that for a while, i don't think it's likely to be responsible for how intesne i've been feeling in the last week or so. although having run out of new interesting stuff on youtube, i did just start listening again to a short playlist that includes that file along with others by that hypnotist.

then...i might as well post the file. you certainly can't say you haven't been warned...and i still don't really think they "made" me do all this. my mind is probably mostly just running wild by itself as usual. but it is an intense experience on its own, all that aside...which is why i keep listening to it again & again...so that i can imagine being hypnotized. which might include imagining listening to the file in the future even as i'm listening to the file in the present. i can imagine how someone might get stuck -- ok, maybe i should consider how listening to this one hypnotist much might have effected me, because writing the word "stuck," having just recalled this hypnotist's files to mind, sort of paused me for a few seconds. i felt at first like maybe i wasn't sure about using the word "stuck" but then it came to me after a few seconds that in fact this hypnotist uses "stuck" in a few ways -- one is to be "stuck" in place, frozen, and another is to be "stuck" on your name, for example, which is that when you try to think of your name, you get "stuck" -- like being "stuck" on a problem you can't figure out. i thought it was really interesting -- saying you'll be "stuck" on your name is a lot more descriptive of the feeling of not being able to remember than just saying that someone will forget it or that it's gone. "imagine being stuck on your name -- you're trying and trying to think of it, to call it into your mind, but you just get...stuck." i could imagine that a lot better. it called to mind to me how people experiencing name-forgetting look in real life. their eyes go a bit wide and they blink like someone just asked them something they have no idea about. you can see their mind working by how their eyes move and how they might bite their lip. they don't just stare at you blankly like they "forgot" it -- they know it's there, they know they have a name, they know they should know, but when they try to remember they just get stuck somewhere.

so that's interesting...to me...as far as how much these files might have affected me without me really realizing it. i didn't used to take hypnosis that seriously, and until this year i wasn't really sure if i could be hypnotized...but i learned this year that i was hypnotized in the past without a doubt. how i realized that is a whole other thing. but i know now that i should take this seriously. these things really can affect me...both by direct hypnotic signals, which i might not remember or realize when they're activated, and by getting used to patterns of thinking, and reinforcing ideas by focusing on them in hypnosis.

here, then, is the file to which i was referring, along with a few others by the same hypnotist, which you may want to listen to first, because the file to which i have been referring starts rather suddenly with hypnotic signals that were given in the hypnotist's earlier files. it may not need setting-up, though, if you're reading this already, because then you probably already know what a hypnotist wants you to do when certain signals are given. i like to have all of these in a playlist, though, and listen to them imagining i'd never heard any of them before, or maybe i'd never listened to a hypnosis file before at all, and i think starting it with that idea in mind helps me go deeper, because even though i really know i've been hypnotized before, on the level of that imagined idea, i'm surprised by how deeply hypnotized i already am. and thinking now about how i imagine that, i'm imagining another way for myself to be hypnotized, aren't i? i could also imagine being hypnotized to believe i'd never been hypnotized, but being so curious i can't resist putting together a hypnotic playlist and trying it out, and then being surprised at how it feels like i'm instantly, deeply, and completely hypnotized. you know as a matter of fact i think that situation is in one of this hypnotist's files, more or less exactly...well i sure am realizing a lot of things today.

i'm really erect now, and i want to be hypnotized. my fat cock is twitching up and then relaxing over and over. i want to finish this first though. it might be hours before i get back. so here are the files.

i've given them here in the order that they were released, or that i listened to them in first, anyway. this hypnotist uses a number of different names and has uploaded different things in different places over the years -- i still think of him by the first name i saw him under, which i've given here. in any case i've gotten these from different sources - some from his site when it was up, some split from a video on his yt channel from back when. i also had to compress two of them under 10mb for tumblr. so there might be some static or volume inconsistency between them. i think these files are really excellent though...subtly so. they don't come right at you with woobling sounds and all. i've listened to a lot of hypnosis and these stick with me. i suppose you can see that, whether it's really the effect of being hypnotized or just of my thoughts running wild about the idea. or if i was hypnotized to have my thoughts run wild about the idea of being hypnotized. which i was. huh. that's a thinker. by which i mean, if i think about that, i get really hard, and i want to come while hypnotized. i uhm...went there quickly didn't i. well, you can see the place i'm in right now. it's like these files are half-playing, fading in and out in my thoughts. i suppose that would be another way i could imagine being hypnotized...hypnotized to have a file, or whatever you happen to remember from a file, stuck in your head like a song almost, remembering one or two lines suddenly, remembering a few words that made you feel a certain way while you were deeply hypnotized. you know, if i keep thinking of more ways that i could be hypnotized, i will never be able to finish this and post it. and i think i could always think of more ways to be hypnotized, more places in which i could be hypnotized, more things i could stare at until i was hypnotized, more things i might do in hypnosis that i wouldn't otherwise, things that would prove to me that i was deeply, profoundly, completely hypnotized, so deep in trance that i instantly and perfectly imagined anything the hypnotist said.