#hypnocons

Great question, I'd love to tell you.

See, so you might think it would be the chance to finally (finally!) have good safe fun hypnotic experiences in person -- but honestly my favorite experience is the first morning when you come down in your badge to a sea of other cool people wearing badges and this feeling of belonging washes over you.

Hiya! I actually have a post I wrote up a while back for this linked here. (If the link isn't working, it's called 'So You're Going To A HypnoCon' and tagged 'cons'.) I haven't thought about it in ages, but thanks to your ask I got to read it all over again. The reblogs of that post also have some other advice from fellow congoers as well.

But, here is my answer right now, and a bit condensed from that long post (which is optional reading). Be flexible - if you go into your hypnocon with a million plans and a rigid structure, you'll find yourself quickly overwhelmed and then beating yourself up for taking a break or resting, which no one wants! There is no one definitive way to do this - some people like attending as many classes as possible, some only really come out to socialize at night. My plan used to be, pick a handful of classes you really want to go to, have a list of some you might attend if you have the energy, and then leave the rest to vibes. There's a high energy in the con sometimes that can wear you out if you're not keeping an eye on your own energy levels.

You're not a passenger in this journey! Most cons including Charmed have a great con beginner track and lots of events aimed at socializing and meeting people. They stop just shy of pulling you into the rooms - you've got to make that step yourself. Often in the con discord, there will be people advertising board game or pizza or general socializing room parties, and there are tons of evening events that people often link up at as well. There's also a 'wish list' that often pops up in con space where people talk about scenes or ideas they want to talk about, and you can meet like-minded people there as well.

In my opinion, there are more new people attending these cons than before - I feel like it gets newer and younger every year! But that's me. There are definitely people who are con veterans who often go with their established partners and meet old friends, but many of them are also often happy to say hi and meet new people as well. Leading up to my first con, I also messaged several people I knew were attending to make plans to say hi - which you've also accomplished with this ask!

It has been brought to my attention that there is a Hypnomaster69 out there in the kink world. This story is not about him nor are the characters based on any particular people in the community- they're more amalgamations of several people I have known cobbled together with many a Fetlife poster.

Matt oozed down the hotel hallway, surveying the crowd. He had dressed to impress this hypnocon with his favorite sports coat and some brand new shoes. He waved over at one of his older friends in the corner- a guy he went way back with. Matt was glad to see that there were some good people still around in the community. It had all gotten too PC and self-victimizing lately for him.

Matt couldn’t help but notice this year that there were quite a few female attendees who wouldn’t meet his eye. He hated how the hypnokink community had become so judgmental against men. Matt had never hurt anyone- not without their consent at least. It wasn’t his responsibility that some of these younger girls wanted some fucked up things. Matt had always and only been fulfilling both his and his partners' needs. This was kink, after all, not meditation class. Matt had been around awhile- he knew that people wouldn’t do anything under hypnosis that they didn’t secretly want to do anyway. Matt just freed people from their self-imposed baggage. It wasn’t his fault that some previous partners had figured out that kink wasn’t for them and left the community. Everyone was an adult here.

As Matt walked near the registration table, he noticed a young woman that he had never seen before. She was Asian with long pretty hair. Her Pokemon dress hung loosely on her slim body. She was standing all by herself, looking around nervously.

Maybe con wouldn’t be so bad after all, Matt thought to himself.

He walked over to her and waved. 

“Hi! I’m HypnoMaster69! But you can call me Matt. Are you here all by yourself?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m Amy. I just saw that this was happening on the internet and I live close by so I took the chance and showed up. I didn’t know that I needed a different name.” She looked down abashedly at "Amy" written in big letters on her name tag.

Matt laughed, pleased. “Maybe we can find another one for you here. Can I give you a hug?”

“Errr.....sure I guess?” she responded, awkwardly leaning in to the hug.

Matt smiled after letting her go. “I’m glad you aren’t weird about physical touch. This is a VERY touchy community- people sometimes find it off-putting if you’re too frigid about that.”

‘Oh,” said Amy.

“I’m happy that I ran into you!” said Matt. “I don’t really have a lot of plans for this con and I like showing new people around. It can be hard to learn the community ropes sometimes. For example, your badge- did you know that putting all the stickers on the top of your badge like that usually means that you’re a hypnotist?”

Amy’s eyes widened a bit. “It does?”

Matt giggled. “Yeah. You’ll probably have thirsty pathetic men falling at your feet all weekend begging you to hypnotize them. It’ll be hilarious. Don’t worry though- I’ll protect you. I’ve been a hypnotist for decades- people around here respect that and won't mess with me. By the way, have you ever been hypnotized before?”

Amy smiled. “Once or twice” She seemed privately amused by something.

Great, a newbie, Matt thought. ‘Well you’ll have a chance to see and experience all KINDS of things this weekend. You’ll love it. If you’d like, maybe we can play together a bit later on? I’d like to show you what you’re capable of.”

“I think I might like that,” said Amy. “Come to a few classes with me so I can see some things I’d like to try and then we can talk about planning some play. Deal?” She extended her hand for a handshake.

“Deal,” Matt said, also extending his hand. 

For a moment, Matt's attention felt diverted somewhere- something was odd.

Matt blinked.

Meh. It probably wasn’t important to think about.

“C’mon, “ said Amy. “Let’s go to the class on anchoring.”

----------------------------------

Matt sat besides Amy all class. 

Matt was having a hard time paying attention today. The class was so boring that he felt some of his morning sleepiness again. He had thought he had chased those feelings off with coffee but... apparently not. Matt would have definitely presented this class better. He should have insisted on presenting this year.

Fortunately, feeling bored had given him plenty of time to watch Amy. She seemed really engaged in the class. It was endearing watching her take notes and bounce a little bit when she heard something that excited her. Matt would be sure to show her some anchoring tricks later on that would really blow her subby little mind. If she liked this lecture, she would LOVE all the things he could do.

Fantastically, it turned out that Amy was the kind of touchy that Matt was. She would lean over during class and make comments to him- some that he would pay attention to and some would slide right past him in his boredom. He noticed that sometimes when she was talking or when the presenter said certain things, she would lean over and touch his shoulder lightly. That felt nice. She must really be into him.

At the end of class, Amy let Matt see the knitting needles and wool she had brought to con. It was the kind of girly hobby that he wouldn't have normally been interested in, but Amy's enthusiastic rambling about it was captivating. She spoke about the beauty of repetitive patterns. She said that if there was something it was important for her to think about or focus on, sometimes she would repeat that thing to herself with every stitch as a kind of mindfulness exercise. Sometimes she wasn't even aware of what she was thinking- her brain would just repeat important thoughts over and over with each stitch she made and she could just enjoy how good that felt. She also talked about knitting projects as a metaphor for beauty of social cohesion- all the threads working together for a greater whole. It was certainly an interesting perspective.

At the end of the conversation, Amy gave Matt her knitting needles to hold. They felt good in his hands, somehow. Better than he would have thought.

After the next class, Matt asked if Amy wanted to go back to his room to play. Amy declined, saying she wanted to go to more classes. She had really been enjoying sitting next to him, though. Wouldn't he like to come with her and see another class?

He found that he would.

As the day wore on, Matt was pleased to find that he might have a better reputation than he had originally thought. People, especially women, who hadn't talked to him in years came up to him and Amy to speak to them. Amy apparently already had a bit of a reputation online and had connected with many people over Skype prior to con. Matt was surprised about her popularity. He was also surprised to find how many people wanted to speak to him or give him a hug or touch him on the shoulder. He was still feeling tired and wasn't quite keeping track of all the conversations, but it was nice to feel like a part of the group again. People even responded with enthusiasm to the knitting that he held in his hands- saying that they were happy to see him engaging in a new hobby.

Matt kept going to classes with Amy. He was feeling unusually charitable today and let her pick their schedule. He had already seen everything anyway- and watching Amy was encouraging. It was nice to see old ideas through new eyes.

The last class that Amy wanted to go to that day was the Women in Hypnosis panel. Matt pointed out a note in the schedule that men were encouraged not to attend this class, but Amy had talked to the group leader and they were going to make an exception for Matt. That was really nice of them. Matt was glad that they recognized his expertise.

The Women in Hypnosis class ended up being a bit of a bust. From the time he entered the room, it seemed like so many people were talking at once that it was hard to keep track. Women's voices sometimes took on this droning sound and the effect on Matt was pretty soporific. He had fallen asleep early in the class, only occasionally awakened slightly by a touch on the shoulder or someone saying his name. But during those times Amy, still sitting right next to him, would lean over and whisper in his ear that everything was ok- he didn't need to consciously listen to what was going on. He could just go back to sleep.

Despite the sleepiness he experienced in class, Matt felt really great afterwards. The grogginess had lifted and he felt more positive than he had in years. He also felt much more positive towards the women that had been in the class with him. Matt admitted to himself that he had been kind of a jerk in the community sometimes- ignoring women, making rude comments about trans women, showing female partners a lack of respect- but somehow sitting in that class and actually listening to those women for an hour had done him a world of good and given him a lot to think about.

So much to think about, actually, that he wanted to give himself some proper space to process it. Matt decided that he didn't really need to attend the rest of the convention after all. He had already learned everything anyway and it might do him good to take the rest of the days allotted and just enjoy a normal vacation. He heard that there was a beautiful local park nearby.

When he told Amy about his decision, she hugged him again and told him that she understood. She thanked him for being her companion for the first day of her first ever hypnocon. She even let him keep her knitting needles and yarn to remember her by.

When the next year rolled around, Matt decided that he needed a change. Instead of attending the hypnocon again, he would go to a knitting convention that was being held at the same time. He had gotten really into knitting this last year- it relaxed him and made him feel really good about himself. He had been welcomed into that community with open arms, appreciated as one of the few men who shared the hobby.

Matt also kept up with some of his hypnosis friends, including Amy. They never actually did hypnosis together, but they would often chit chat and knit together on calls. Matt loved to listen to her voice as she excitedly talked about knitting projects or kink or other things that were going on in her life. Her life seemed to be going really well. He reflected that his life was going well too. He was so happy to have met Amy at hypnocon last year.

I have been to 4 NEEHUs, 1 Entranced, 1 Charmed, a Deepmind Darkwood, 3 Fetish Fleamarkets, 2 London Hypnosis workshops, and a number of one-off hypno things in Europe. (I bet my colleagues at work would be surprised to hear this!). Most of them I went to unpartnered, all as a shy introvert.

I'm not good at going to hypnocons. But I'm better than I was. So here are my tips, customized for me and people like me. So not stuff that I hope came naturally to me, like "be polite and don't treat people like objects", and also not stuff that is literally impossible for me, like "don't compare yourself to other people." But maybe you need to be told a whole different set of things. Also, I don't necessarily have great insight into what I'm doing right, or what I'm doing wrong. But I hope these help anyway!

Emotional and physiological chaos is normal. FOMO, envy, social anxiety, jealousy, disappointment, having to see exes, having to see people who creeped on you. If you think everyone else is having a perfect time and you're the only one in distress, you are very wrong. Also, they will lie about it, by omission, in their blog posts afterwards (I do!) so for god's sake don't compare yourself to that. Physiologically, I've caught a cold for so many of these cons, and sleep deprivation, travel stress, sugar crashes and other things will give your body a nonsexy pounding. And folks with disabilities or chronic illnesses have even more to deal with. There's no way to avoid some chaos, so just know that you can make wonderful memories in the midst of chaos! ALL IS NOT LOST. And take it easy on people, eh?

There's a role for the new person. The hypno community is incredibly cliquey. It's a natural consequence of hypno being a very rare kink, and one that requires a huge amount of trust. It takes years to build that trust. So be patient with yourself. If you do any pickup play with new people at all on your first con - and you're not a young woman - you're doing very well. But if you're positive, genuinely interested in people, and obviously eager to learn, people will be extremely kind.

Learning to ask while not being gross is everything. There are many, many great guides to this online, as well as cautionary tales about what not to do, so all I'll say here is look at it all as practice; be as bold as you are respectful; amazing things can happen just by asking in the right place at the right time; and as the great wristbands at Charmed said, "Ask first. Respect the answer."

The greatness of your con is decided long before you hit the registration desk. The upside to my pitiful addiction to hypnotumblr is that I could put faces to tumblr names at the con. "Ah yes! I have enjoyed your pornography! And your curation of animated gif pornography!"  This time was very aware that most people - flying in from everywhere from Vancouver Island to Manchester, England - are beginning and maintaining their relationships online between cons. At the moment the thing is Skype, Dischord and Snapchat groups, in addition to tumblr and fetlife. You don’t actually have to do any of that, but it helps – see, cliquyness, trust. And preparation in general: I half-assed Charmed and NEEHU this year, since I only decided to go to each at the last minute, and as a result they were a little flat (except for the presence of @khatsha at Charmed!) Actually read the schedule, make plans with people you know, check out other people's wishlists and make plans with them, give yourself missions or sidequests.

Think about how to help other people have a great con. It's a great way to take your mind off yourself and how you're doing, and to be visible in the best possible way. If people are bored, have something for them to participate in. If something needs to get done, be the one to do it. I know two people who brought their cars just to ferry people around at two different cons, and made tons of friends, including sexy friends. Teaching or demoing for a class is best of course, but if not, volunteer, bring treats, join in activities. Get involved in every way you can.

Figure out who's sleeping with who. For "sleeping with" substitute hypnotizing, playing with, or living with in a polycule in a creaky old mansion. And also, who used to be sleeping with who, who wants to be sleeping with who, who wishes they were still sleeping with who (don’t go around creepily asking these things of course). Otherwise much public behaviour will be baffling.

Figure out who's assaulted or creeped on who. For the same reason.

Make your interests specific and public. I learned this from @khatsha, who asked for, and got, two incredibly intricate gender-bending interrogation scenes at her second ever hypnocon. She also wants to be hypnotized to be a raccoon, and I have no doubt, some day that will happen. (Maybe I’ll do it on our anniversary) At Entranced Dreamelf carried around an adorable decorated printout of her wishlist, and I believe she checked off every one. And one of those things was copied off my published wishlist, and I got to do it with her! It's paradoxical, but being specific can be much more attractive than just wanting "any type of hypnosis with anyone". As long as you're unattached to any outcome, and sharing your fantasies rather imposing them, only good things can result.

Ask people what classes to go to. Some classes are way better than others, and it connects you with folks at least twice, once when you ask and once when you tell them how great it was.

Take a break before you absolutely have to. No class is unmissable, and recharging is often the most important thing you could be doing.

You don't have to bring it style-wise, but it pays off if you do. A nice thing about hypno cons is that you can totally wear jeans and a t-shirt and it's never a big deal. But ever since I got turned away at a Dublin kink club for not having a dungeon outfit, I've been determined to level up. I've been slowly collecting party clothes that are progress towards my vision of Hypnowave. (the coming overwhelming trendiness of erotic hypnosis, in music, fashion, art and pop culture, that we will ride until it spectacularly burns out and becomes a dated joke even faster than Vaporwave) Not only did I get a lot of compliments at Entranced, but everyone wanted to grope my shiny fuzzy blazer. If you are saying, I can't find or afford party clothes, that blazer was $80 on Amazon. Last argument: I've noticed that on average the women are making more of an effort. If you have ambitions to trance with women who are in pretty corsets and great boots, shouldn't you rise to the occasion?

Reject control, embrace chance and happenstance. Think of it as an improvisation, and say yes as often as you safely can. Many of the best memories will come from totally spontaneous group occurrences, often nothing to do with hypnosis. I remember being on an elevator at Charmed that was very full and someone started groaning sexually about how very full it was, and other people took it up, until we all orgasmed together as the doors opened on the con floor. A real “you had to be there“ moment I see as I type this, but I was there! On the flipside, plans fall through, unforeseen stuff comes up. Nothing is a sure thing.

Listen to emotions like curiousity, enthusiasm, affection, and lust.

Ignore emotions like lust for status, or desire for approval or acceptance.

Take a buffer day or three if you possibly can. See: above point about emotional and physiological chaos. I had to go back to work the day after Entranced, and it was horrible.

Stay in the game. Don't bail. You might find yourself deep in your head, and ready to throw a pity party for yourself lasting till the end of the con. But things can turn around so fast! And even if they don't, there will still be many beautiful little moments, of friendship and humour and sexiness and "this could only happen at a hypno con". You can be ready for these moments if you keep your eyes open and your head up.