#hypercondriac

Brain: It's a tumour, you're going to die

Me: *has a sore throat*

Brain: Throat cancer, RIP.

Me: *period is late*

Brain: premature menopause, you'll never have kids

Me: *has a stomach ache*

Brain: Appendicitis, see you in surgery

Me: *has a sore foot*

I wanted to share how I personally started to improve my confidence; I'm not 100% confident still, however I feel better than I used to be and this is how I achieved this.

. I simply did things that I've wanted for a while, even if they are small little things. For example; I got my industrial piercing a couple of days ago, which gives me a reason to show off my ears as well as just the piercing itself making me feel better about myself, it's a very powerful feeling. However you do not have to go full out, but they could be anything from piercings, tattoos, getting your nails done and so on. Anything.

. Because I am going to college (Hopefully) around September to begin my Game Design course, I wanted to improve myself before going so I don't feel couscous or have my mind on other things. Go to the doctors/dentists and have check ups or cure issues you are having, being healthy or fixing appearances that kill your esteem before a big step in life really helped me, I hope to get braces soon and knowing I am perfectly healthy keeps my mind of worried thoughts (for Hypochondriacs especially). If something like a health problem or visual appearance (Like myself I don't have the perfect teeth), plan or working on that, or maybe talk to more people and get used to them. If you're perfectly comfortable with whatever issue/visual aspects you have, that is a very positive way to think about things; please feel comfortable in your skin. Moving onto visual aspects.

. Weight. If you are personally uncomfortable in your own skin because of your weight, I am not going to tell you to 'Diet', 'Lose weight' and so on, however I wanted to remind you of two things, one of them being is to never skip meals. Please never skip meals, because the more you do it, yes. It is possible to lose weight that way, however, it is much easier to put the weight back on and it is not recommended to skip meals, so make sure to never skip meals and just moderate on food amount instead within the three meals. Following on focus more on toning instead of weight loss, because chances are your body is fine, but if you have small problems you dislike such as 'A big gut' and whatnot, they just require toning. But just make sure you do not become obsessive, because you do not have to be size 0 to feel comfortable; I felt problems with my weight, I did often feel uncomfortable thinking I wasn't healthy or looked it, however many people insured me that the extra weight on me actually required toning, not weight loss. It is very important to feel comfortable, because the more comfortable you are, the more confident you are.

. Find your style. Something I realized about myself is that I favour women fitting clothes and the sort of scene styled hair. I used to wear very baggy clothes, which eventually made me feel uncomfortable because the mens shirts took the shape away from my body and didn't work in my favour, therefore the newer styles I've been getting used to make me feel very comfortable, occasionally I feel prettier than I used to feel.   

. Find yourself a spare time hobby or collect things you like (I've been collecting LOTr merch lately), because lately I've been having way too much time on my hand, so I am going to take up swimming again and focus on crafts, for example I am going to start making Fursuits hopefully, I've been learning to do that in spare time. Or use spare time to revise on things you need, for example since I want to become a Game Designer, I've been drawing again so I can use them skills in my classes. Since these keep me very busy, I'm never just sitting around daily. Unfortunately I sleep my days away because I felt like I had nothing to wake up to, considering I'm quite a lonely person friend wise and the fact that my lover left me; which all left me feeling disinterested in things I loved; so keeping my mind busy will prevent the lonely feeling. Loneliness is very powerful; they say that if you were put in prison, you'd be happier around the other frightening prisoners than being isolated. So if you’re not a people person, a hobby will be a nice alternative until you gain confidence to speak to others.

Is there something wrong with me, or is my anxiety going haywire, and making it seem like there is something wrong with me. 

I kind of wish I hadn’t gone to this dumb doctor. That I had kept things as they were. 

Yesterday, my hands were all tingly and buzzy.

Today, I feel kinda light headed and dizzy. Had a moment in the bathroom where I was confused as to where the trashcan was. In the same spot its always in. for the last 2 years. 

But again... is something actually wrong, or is my anxiety about the test results messing with me, and making me feel more off than I really am.

OR BONUS! is my UTI getting worse! and Presenting in this manner.

I just want to go home, and read bunches of fluff. And nap. 

Class was held at one of the museums on campus today which was fun because art is awesome.

But a lot of the graduate student work had a like “sexual liberation” theme with gross genitalia and I’m sex repulsed so ugh.

That and all my classmate + teacher left without telling me so I had to walk back to my room alone.

The weather was lovely but sunny and I have very fair skin so I was worried about cancer the whole time.