#hurtheal

        “  that's enough ,   cole . ”   the last thing nick need was cole’s comments .   his ability sense things  and no doubt know far more than anyone should .  there were times he enjoyed them ,  but this was not one of them .  not when there was a reason somethings were meant to stay burred .   meant too stay ignored until the time was right .  

         “   but  nobody  can  be  perfect ?     everyone has a flaw .   yours is the pain you keep inside ,  a fear that you don’t know how to tell ,  a hurt tangled in confusion and a sense of loss .   you’re allowed to tell it to someone .   you can tell it to me .  ”

cole may have missed the point ,  but he’s trying his best .

he ran because it was easier to stay and fight .  easier than be taken advantage of .  he knew if he stayed , he would have been dead - either with his parents or the templars .  richard gave him a chance .  more than anyone would have.  maybe he should have stayed with him . not ran off and simply stayed by his side .  it would have been easier .  to not have become the inquisitor ,  but he would have been screaming the entire time . 

       “ stay out of my head ,  cole . ”

as much as he wanted to state the obvious .  that he wanted to attempt to refute the claims ? it was not possible .  no ,  not now ,  not when the moment he’d try ?   he’d just lash out .  something that he didn’t want , but the possibility of it was still there  - no matter what he did to prevent it .  

"your mother, just and kind; she would be proud of the woman you've become. a beacon of hope, tested, tried, tempered into a blade only used for good -- someone people can look to and see as a helping hand." / @hurtheal​.

     WORDS STRUCK her greater than any blade had done so in days long gone, leaving her in a silence that she had never quite experienced before. Neither was it welcoming nor unsettling, simply strange to hear his words. A strange boy with even stranger thoughts &&. gifts that often caused trouble, yet it also brought a sense of ease. Something of comfort, such a thing that she never truly felt since the days of the Blight.

     NOT MANY could speak of her mother, for those who had known her never quite saw the mighty woman in the role of the nurturing parent. Never to truly see the gentle smiles or hear wise words that she bestowed onto her children, hoping that a small part of them remembered her teachings. To remember her, if anything horrid were to rip her from the world before they could really grow up. But to hear Cole speak of the dearly departed ... a bittersweet gaze found its way to Serene’s features.

     ❝  You really think so  ?  I often wonder if she would or not, given the state of everything.  ❞  PERHAPS THE maker had allowed her mother to remain present, though not fully. To whisper words to those connected to the next realm, in hope that her children still listened like they did before. Before the world turned colder during the Blight, when beacons of greatness were ripped from her life. 

     ❝  She would have instantly placed us with the Inquisition, you know  ?  Always had a gift in learning the true intentions of the people, she would have seen the good within the Inquisition and realised how brave everyone is. She truly would have dedicated everything to the cause and been on the frontlines herself, waving the flag of the Inquisition in one hand and tearing down her enemies with a blade in the other. All with her warrior cry.  ❞  SHE THOUGHT for a moment, mind pondering over the possibilities that would have been. That should have been. 

adamant had been a disaster .  it had been out of his control  .  while he managed to get many grey warden’s to his side .  erimond still had control of many .  he still had the dragon and he still was the cause of everything .  nick fell .  he opened a rift and entered the fade .  taeros was there with him .  so was the nightmare demon who taunted everyone .

it shouldn’t have gone down that way .  it shouldn’t have gone down that way at all .  it was stupid , idiotic ,  and foolish to think that he could of handled it.  that he could get away without something happening like that ; for the fade to rip open and take him in physically instead of falling down with the dragon .

he supposed there was good reason for that .  that it was so he could survive and live another day, but even with the nightmare demon gone ? with someone left behind in the fade ? the taunts still remained .  not to mention that even the fact the demon himself said he took far more from nick than intended .  that somethings were best left alone .  that he didn’t have to remember .  that he wouldn’t ;  the demon didn’t have all of nick’s memories and truthfully ? nick didn’t want them back either .

questions he may have had ,  but was he going to ask them ? no , they didn’t need to be answered .  not now and most certainly not ever if he was being entirely honest about it .  he hadn’t even judged erimond as of yet  - something he was putting off for now .  no doubt his judgement would get anger from all sides ,  but he wasn’t going to execute the other .  no ,  he could use him , and maybe obtain a favor from the imperium while he was at it . 

however , everyone knew that he was soft on all venatori .  he offered them recruitment in his army ,  but truthfully ?  it wasn’t the inquisition’s army .  it was his own personal one .  an army that he would use if the time ever came to use it .  a last resort .  to ensure that no one - not even richard - would be able to take away what he had . 

perhaps that power really did go to his head after - all .

                “ if i would have known that we’d enter the fade ...  i wouldn’t have taken him with me . ” he would have chosen someone else .  anyone else ,  but he wanted his dalish at his side .  he wanted him there with him just in case something happened . though ,  now he knew that it most likely  wasn’t something he should have gone through with .

                “ whatever he’s going through .  whatever he doesn’t want to tell me about ... there has to be good reason .  i don’t , ” he trails off for a moment , “ want to talk about it either . i don’t think anyone does .  the sooner it’s forgotten about the better . ”

no , the memories still hurt ; the taunts were still there .  the golden city ... the blackened city . it was always in reach . it was always there ... close enough to touch it . why didn’t he just touch it ? see if he could get there or  maybe he should just sink val royeaux to the ground .  slaughter every single high ranking member of the chantry and go back to tevnter .

it would be possible . it would always be possible and yet ... he knew that dwelling on such thoughts for too long could no doubt be complicated .  more so due to cole .  the one who no doubt could pick up on things far more easily than anyone else ... even if he voiced his distaste about them at times .

          “ why would anyone trust someone with magic ! ? they go on about acceptance , but then they throw us behind closed doors and try to slaughter us in our beds ! we said no more ! we decided to make them act ;  the circles rose up and we broke our chains ! mages will not be shackled by the chantry ! we won’t let them imprison us again ! ”