Down is Faster Than Up
Chapter 2 AO3 Link
Come on man,” Matt begs, moving Severide’s head in his arms so he can press his fingers against his neck to make sure his heart is still beating. He can still his feel pulse, but it’s weak and fading fast. “Not like this. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this.”
It’s always been the two of them at 51, for the longest time it was the two of them and Andy. they’d always thought they were invincible, they’d always assumed they’d retire together. Then Andy had died and given both him and Kelly a reality check, but even still, Casey had never really gotten rid of the idea of retiring with Severide. It was just something he’d assumed would happen. They’d retire and spend time with their families- surprisingly enough up until today, Severide was way closer to having that one be a possibility than Casey. He’d married Stella and now she’s pregnant, but now it seems like that’s as far as Severide gets to see that dream go.
“Stay with me, Sev,” Matt whispers. “Chief said Cruz and Herrmann are coming, hang on for them. Please. Please…”
Severide doesn’t even blink, as Matt clings to him, begging him to stay. His eyes have gone blank now, and the only thing telling Matt he’s not dead yet is the slight flare of his bloody nostrils as he breathes.
“Captain!” There’s a splash behind Casey as two flashlight beams dance across the little pocket in the rubble. He whips his head around to see Ritter and Gallo wading through the freezing water toward him.
“What the hell are you two doing?” Casey chokes. He’s not sure whether to be relieved or furious that the two rookies disobeyed his order and came back.
“Saving your two sorry asses,” Gallo says splashing his way toward Casey.
Ritter clears his throat. “Respectfully sir.”
“That thing's not moving,” Casey argues, he’s too cold and his head hurts too much to be dealing with these two idiots. “I told you to get out of here.”
“We bought a jack,” Gallo reports swinging a backpack off his shoulders. “You can thank us, or fire us or whatever after we get out of here.”
Casey sighs and closes his eyes. There’s no point in fighting them, and their jack idea might actually work, and there aren’t really any other options. A couple seconds ago there was no chance of getting Severide out of this alive, not there’s a slight chance and that’s good enough for him.
“Do it,” Matt breathes, without opening his eyes.
“When we say to pull, you need to pull him out, okay?” Ritter says, giving Casey a pat on the shoulder before wading over to help Gallo with the jack.
Matt forces himself to open his eyes and watch what they’re doing.
“Okay, we’re starting,” Gallo says glancing over his shoulder at Casey who nods his approval.
He slides himself onto his knees and slides his arms under Severide’s armpits so he can pull him free when Ritter gives the words. He’s not sure this won’t kill him, lifting the weight off him and dragging him back might inflict so much pain that his body just won’t be able to take it anymore, but he’ll definitely die if they don’t.
Gallo only has time to give the jack a couple pumps before Severide’s eyes go wide and he opens his mouth in a silent scream. The only thing that escapes his lips is blood as he chokes.
“Stop! Stop! Something’s not right” Casey cries, but Ritter is already grabbing Gallo’s arm, stopping him.
“Rebars,” Ritter reports quietly and glances over his shoulder at Casey.
“Get the gauze we found ready then,” Gallo replies through clenched teeth. “We have to get him out of here or he’ll drown.”
“You’re gonna be okay, Sev,” Casey whispers as he gets ready to pull. Ritter and Gallo aren’t going to stop. “Do this fast guys.”
Gallo pumps the jack a couple more times, and the concrete shifts, he stops half a second to glance around and then keeps going.
“Go!” Ritter shouts.
Casey digs his knees in and using his last bit of waning strength he pulls Severide free from the rubble. The last thing he hears before collapsing backward into the water is a gut wrenching agonized scream of pain from Severide then his head sinks below the surface of the freezing murky water, and he blacks out as the water folds over him like an icy coffin.
***
“Captain!” Ritter cries in dismay as Casey collapses back into the water, taking Severide down with him into the murky water dyed red with quad lieutenant's blood.
“Get Severide,” Gallo orders, abandoning his post at the jack and splashing toward Casey. “I got the Captain!”
Ritter doesn’t waste a second grabbing Severide by the collar of his turnout coat and pulling him to the surface. It’s hard to tell exactly how much blood he’s losing because it’s diluted by the water around them, but given just how red the water’s turning, it’s a lot of blood, and Ritter’s practically swimming in it. It makes him feel sick almost; he’s been around blood and gore plenty, but it’s different wading in water bloodied by a friend.
“I gotta get him somewhere dry, so I can pack these wounds,” Ritter gasps and starts pulling the Squad lieutenant toward dry ground and the path that he and Gallo took to get out of this little cavern in the collapsed building.
“I got Casey,” Gallo pants following him, dragging Casey with him and obviously struggling under the Captain’s weight and size. Ritter wishes there was something he could do to help his friend, but Severide is bleeding out and he has to get his wounds packed or there’s no way in hell he’s going to survive the trip up through five stories of rubble.
Ritter finally manages to get Severide across the little cavern and hauled up onto dry ground.
“Hang in there, lieutenant,” Ritter breathes and undoes the clasps on his ripped turnout coat; the bleeding seems almost worse now that he can actually see where it’s coming from. There’s multiple puncture wounds in Severide’s stomach from the rebars, and each of them is gushing blood.
“You’re gonna be alright,” he promises and pulls out all the packs of gauze and dressing out of the first aid bag. They have one thing to be grateful for and that’s that none of the blood is spurting which means no arteries have been nicked, so he might actually be able to slow the bleeding by packing the wounds.
“Where’s Severide?” There’s a splash as Casey wakes up and twists himself free from Gallo’s arms.
“Captain, you just passed out-” Gallo tries to say, but Casey interrupts him.
“I’m fine. Where’s…” He trails off as his gaze meets Ritters.
“I got him,” Ritter promises before looking down so he can focus on packing gauze into bloody wounds in Severide’s abdomen; he’s never actually had to do this on a real person, and it’s one of the worst most unnatural things he’s ever done, shoving wad after wad of bandage into holes as his hands get more and more slippery with blood. The only comfort he finds in it all is that Severide’s unconscious and probably can’t feel most of it.
“We gotta get him out of here,” Casey chokes as he stumbles over, with the help of Gallo. He looks dazed and exhausted, and his lips are starting to turn blue, probably from sitting around in the ice cold water with Severide for so long.
“Start getting him out of his bunker gear, so we can move him easier once I finish with this,” Ritter says as he starts packing the little bit of gauze he has left into the last gash in Severide’s side. Moving him is going to be brutal, and even his deep state of unconsciousness probably won’t shield him from the pain, so making him as light as possible will make it easier to carry him gently.
***
It’s slow going with Severide, even after they managed to find a piece of wood strong enough and wide enough to serve as a backboard. Ritter and Gallo both seem to know where they’re going at least to some degree. They’d both unanimously agreed not to allow Casey to help them carry Severide, which he’s secretly grateful for; he hasn’t been able to stop his muscles from tremoring since he woke back up after his black out, and he feels like his legs could give out at any second, not to mention everything around him is blurry. Gallo’s a pale featureless blur, Ritter’s a darker featureless blur, Severide’s a bloody featureless blur, and everything else is just a haze of spinning grey blobs with no real structure or clear beginning or end. The only thing that’s abundantly clear to him, apart from the splitting pain in his head, is the pulse in Severide’s wrist that he’s holding onto. He’s managed to focus on it, and in some ways it’s the only thing keeping him going; it’s his purpose: making sure his friend’s heart is still beating, and keeping his undivided attention on it is helping him ignore all his own pain and all the red flags his body is trying to give him.
“Captain, are you okay?” Gallo asks, his voice sounds muffled and far away.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Casey replies, blinking his eyes a few times trying to clear away some of the blurriness. He’s tired of being asked that, and he’s even more tired of talking. He just wants to get Severide to safety, and he wants all this to be over. “Let’s keep moving.”
Whatever questioning glances Ritter and Gallo exchange with each other, he doesn’t catch them. They’re about to keep when Casey loses Severide’s pulse. it’s a subtle thing, his pulse was already so weak that there isn’t much difference between it being there and it not being there, but it’s definitely not there now.
“Put him down,” Casey orders quickly. “I lost his pulse.”
Panic shoots through Casey as he kneels down on the ground next to Severide and puts his hands in the center of his bloody chest and starts compressions. This can’t be it, they’ve made it so far; he knows they still have a ways left to go and that he’s lost a lot of blood, but he’s come too far and they're too close to freedom for him to die now.
“You’re not dying, Severide,” Casey hisses between gritted teeth as he pounds on his friend’s chest. “You’re going to wake up, and keep fighting, and you’re going to survive and raise your kid with Stella.”
“Captain,” Gallo says gently. He doesn’t have to say anything else for Casey to know what he’s implying, the kid’s tone says it all: he’s gone. Let him go.
“No,” Casey chokes, keeping his compressions in an even rhythm and counting in his head- 5, 6, 7, 8- . He’s not giving up on Severide, not now, not ever; he’ll do this for hours if he has to.
“Casey?” Someone that sounds a lot like Cruz questions as the sound of shuffling fills the air and two more flashlight beams light up the darkness. His vision is still too blurry to make out the faces of the two figures who have joined them in the rubble, and he has more urgent things to worry about than who all just joined them.
“Let me take over,” It’s definitely Cruz's voice.
“No,” Casey pants. He doesn’t trust anyone else not to give up. He has to keep going no matter how long it takes to get Severide back. “I’m not giving up on him.”
“I won’t either, I promise,” Cruz says urgently. “But you’re tired and aren’t going to be able to keep this up much longer.”
“Cruz, I got it,” Casey snaps. He’s not stopping.
“Casey. Let me take over. Me and Herrmann are going to take care of Severide, but you need to get to the surface and get taken care of too,” Cruz insists.
“I’m not leaving him,” Casey chokes as someone grabs him by the shoulders, and pulls him back.
“Casey, you’re in no condition, you gotta get out of here,” It’s Herrmann talking to him, calmly.
“No!” Casey shouts and pulls against him desperately. “Stop, I’m not leaving him!”
He tries desperately to fight against Herrmann as he pulls back away from Severide, but he’s too weak and his strength is all but spent and he can barely even keep his eyes open anymore.
“Cruz is going to get him back,” Herrmann promises.
“I can’t lose him,” Matt chokes, tears stinging his eyes as he collapses in the engine lieutenant’s arms. “He can’t die.”
***
“Chief, I just got a call from Med,” Sylvie calls, running up to Boden. Up until this point she’s been desperate to stay on the scene to wait for Matt to get free from the building collapse, to make sure he’s okay, but that was before Maggie called to tell her Stella just got sent into an emergency C-section and that she’s hemorrhaging pretty badly. Apparently she’d been at the scene, and Sylvie had been so busy with triage she’d completely missed her. The idea of leaving without knowing for sure Matt’s okay hurts, Stella’s going to need someone there with her when she wakes up. “They just took Stella into emergency surgery.”
Boden closes his eyes like he’s trying to wish this day out of existence, and she wishes he would. This is quickly working it’s way up to potentially being one of the worst days of her life. Matt and Severide are both MIA, and quite possibly dead, and now Stella is in the hospital with birthing complications. Everything’s going to hell faster than she can register it all.
“Go,” Boden says without her even having to phrase her request. He knows just as well as she does that someone needs to be there for Stella when she wakes up; it should be Severide, but it’s pretty clear to everyone that that’s not going to happen. Even if he makes it out of the collapse alive he’s going to need hours worth of surgery.
“Thank you chief,” she breathes, and turns to head toward 61, but Boden stops her.
“Macy and the ambo need to stay here, we still need them,” He’s apologetic about the order, but she understands it. They’re still pulling people out of the rubble they need as many paramedics and ambulances as they can get, her being allowed to leave is probably pushing it. “Find a patrol officer to get you to the hospital.”
“Yes chief,” she says, and changes direction making a b-line for the closest squad car.
It doesn’t take much convincing at all to get the officer to take her to the hospital which she’s grateful for, a lot of cops are hard asses when it comes to that sort of thing. She still remembers the one guy who tried to have Herrmann stripped of his rank for moving his squad car during a hostage situation. But when she tells this guy she needs a ride to Med, he doesn’t argue or question her, just nods his head and gets in.
It’s a fast and quiet ride to the hospital, and she wishes it were a little faster and a lot less quiet. It’s all she can do not think about what happened to Julie and how the same thing might happen to Stella. Maggie hadn’t said how badly Stella was bleeding over the phone, but if they had to do an emergency c-section just so they could get her into surgery, then it’s definitely bad. It seems like the exact same thing that happened with her birth mom, but at the same time it’s so much worse. She’s known Stella for a long time, and the thought of losing her is unbearable, not to mention if she doesn’t survive this surgery then there’s a good chance the baby will grow up without either parents. She hasn’t heard much about Severide’s condition for a while, but things weren’t looking up last anyone told her. She’s sure no matter how this day ends that 51 will take care of the kid, but it can’t come to that. She’s sick and tired of losing her friends- her family, and she’s honestly not sure if she can take another death. Losing Otis very nearly destroyed her.
“Here we are,” the officer says as they pull up to the hospital door.
“Thanks,” Sylvie says quickly as she hops out of the car and takes off inside.
The place is swamped with people, most of them appear to be from the parking garage collapse, some look like they brought in while others appear to have wandered in off the street on their own.
“Brett! You came!” Maggie calls to her from across the waiting room where she appears to have just finished a waiting patient.
“Yeah, I’m here, are Stella and the baby okay?” Sylvie asks, skipping all the formalities and small talk; she knows Maggie won’t mind.
“The baby’s fine, a healthy baby boy-”
“And Stella?” Sylvie presses.
“There was an abdominal tear which caused the bleeding, and she’s still surgery, but Dr. Manning said things are looking good,” Maggie reports optimistically. “Do you know if Kelly’s coming? I tried calling him but couldn’t get in touch.”
Brett ducks her head sheepishly.
“What happened?” Maggie asks, guiding Sylvie over to a mostly vacant corner of the waiting area. “Is he okay?”
“I don’t know,” Brett replies quietly. “The last I heard was him and Casey were trapped in the bottom level of that structure collapse and that he’s hurt pretty bad.”
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry,” Maggie whispers comfortingly and pulls Brett into a tight hug. “Those two are both tough guys, I’m sure they’ll be fine.”
“I hope so,” Brett mumbles resting her chin on Maggie’s shoulder. She really just wants to stay like this, something about the warmth of the hug and the woman’s confidence makes Sylvie feel a little better, and a little bit more hopeful that maybe everything will be okay.
“Do you want to go see the baby?” Maggie asks pulling away after a minute or so.
“I’m not family,” Sylvie sniffles, just now realizing how close to crying she is.
“Sure you are,” the nurse says encouragingly and leads her toward the doors. “Then you can either go wait in waiting room for Stella to be out of surgery or you can help us out with victims we have in the ER waiting room until she’s out.”
“Thanks Maggie, but I think I’ll just help out here,” Sylvie says slowly and stops walking. It feels wrong to see the baby before Stella and Severide, the baby’s theirs. One of them should be the first to see and hold baby, apart from the doctors. “I’ll see the baby once Stella is out of surgery.”
“Whatever you want, Brett,” Maggie says with an understanding head nod.
***
Brett is a good hour into helping tag patients and sticking band aids on various minor cuts and scrapes when the tones signalling that an ambulance is pulling up outside the doors sound, making her look up from the patient she’s with. The team of paramedics are through the door a second later and Maggie is rushing to meet them; it’s hard to see who’s on the stretcher through the group of people crowding it, but she can see that whoever it is has on bunker pants.
“What do we got?” Maggie asks quickly.
“Male firefighter, thirties, head injury, he passed out in the field,” one of the two paramedics reports, and as they make the turn into the ER, Sylvie catches a glimpse of the firefighter’s short blond hair, dirty with blood and dust, and he stomach drops. She’s knows exactly who it is.
“Casey?!” She cries, and leaves the patient she was with to follow the stretcher. As she catches up, she becomes more sure it’s him. “Matt?! What happened?”
“Brett you need to back up,” Maggie warns, grabbing her before she can follow him into bagdad.
“No, no, no, Matt… What happened? Maggie, what happened?” Sylvie chokes, collapsing in the nurse’s arms, she can feel tears welling her eyes and there’s nothing she can do to stop them. She’s tired of this, she’s tired of her friends getting hurt, she’s tired of worrying, and she’s tired of today. She hates it and wants it to be over.
“Breathe honey,” Maggie soothes and pulls back farther away from Matt, as he gets transferred from the gurney to the exam bed.
“No,” Sylvie sobs, clinging to Maggie’s arms, the nurse is the only thing keeping her on two feet.
“Brett! Hey!”
Through her tear blurred vision, she can see Ritter running toward her.
“I got her,” He says and grabs her from Maggie.
“What happened?” she asks, barely able to string her words together as she meets his gaze.
“He had a head injury that we didn’t know about, he passed out as soon as we made it to the surface,” He explains and guides her toward a chair, keeping a steady and reassuring grip on her arms. “He probably kept it to himself because he wanted us to take care of Severide.”
Brett uses the back of her sleeve to wipe some of her tears away. “Where is Severide?”
Ritter purses his lips and looks at the ground.
“Oh no…” Sylvie whispers, and the tears begin flooding her eyes again
“I was ordered to take Casey on up to the surface, Gallo, Herrmann and Cruz were with him… when we left they were trying to… to revive him,” Ritter mumbles, not taking his eyes off the floor.
“What am gonna tell Stella,” Brett chokes and buries her face in her hands. The chances of them being able to revive him and transport him through all the rubble and debris are slim to none
“I don’t know, I don’t know about any of this to be honest,” Ritter admits, resting his hand comfortingly on her shoulder. “But I think Captain Casey will be okay.”
“Brett,” Dr. Manning calls her attention away from Ritter and Casey as she approaches them. “Sorry to interrupt, but….” the doctor trails off a second to glance over at where Casey is being worked on. “Stella is out of surgery and doing well. You can wait up there and we’ll send someone to get you when we how Casey’s doing-”
“Why do that, I can tell you now,” Dr. Halstead interrupts and walks over, peeling off his gloves as he does so.
Sylvie’s heart sinks, it’s too soon for this to possibly be good news.
“He should be fine, he’s got a concussion and he’s exhausted, but he just woke back up. You can go see him real quick before we take up for a CT to make sure we’re not missing anything,” Dr. Halstead says confidently and dumps his gloves in a trash can.
“Really?” Brett breathes, she can barely believe her ears. She knows it’s probably insensitive to feel as happy as she does right now because Severide is still a long way from being out of the woods and might even be dead right now, but Stella and Casey are both okay so she can’t help it.
“Yeah, we’re gonna keep him for observation, but as long as the CT checks out, he’ll be fine,” Will replies. “And then you can go up and see Stella.”
“Thank you,” Sylvie chokes and his on her feet pushing her way past Dr. Halstead before she’s even fully aware of her actions. “Matt! Matt, hey.”
“Hey Brett,” he says quietly as she meets him at his bedside. There’s something off about him, and it’s not just how tired he is. He seems hollow like some crucial part of him has been sucked out leaving behind a broken tired shell. And she realizes it’s grief that’s sucked that part of him out.
“Hey Matt, they said you’ll be fine and that you probably just have a bad concussion,” Brett says encouragingly, but Matt doesn’t react, he doesn’t seem to care about anything, not even her presence next to him. “Matt…?”
“Sorry,” he mumbles and looks away from her.
***
Just a concussion. The last time he saw Severide his heart wasn’t beating- he was technically dead after being crushed under what was probably a thousand pounds of concrete and impaled on rebar. Just a concussion. His best friend, who was supposed to be a father and who had met the love of his life that he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with, is dead; and Matt, who really doesn’t have much of anyone, just. Has. A. Concussion.
He’s not sure how to process, how to make things work right in his head. Passing out had been a relief, there’d been nothing to think about, no dreams, no worries, no guilt or anger. But now he’s awake again and it’s all hitting him so hard and so fast he can’t set any of his feelings straight, he can’t even find the presence of mind to say anything to Brett. He doesn’t know how. Waking up has given him a bigger shock to the system than passing out did. Part of him wishes he’d pass out again, he’s exhausted, and his head is spinning with all the feelings he can’t process.
“Casey, look at me,” Brett whispers quietly and squeezes his hand.
He can’t bring himself to look at her, he knows what he’ll find in her eyes, sadness, calm soothing reassurances, promises that it’ll be okay, but it won’t be. Severide’s gone, and Casey isn’t strong enough to lead the house through yet another devastating loss, not so soon after Otis, and not without Severide there to do it with him. He can’t help get them all through it, not when he has no idea how to even begin navigating it all for himself.
“Matt please,” Sylvie pleads and reaches toward his face, but he pulls away freeing his hand from hers. Facing her and probably her own heart break is too much. He wishes he could, he wishes he could be a shoulder for her to cry on, but he’s not strong enough; and he can’t let her stand with him on the brink of his sea of despair that’s going to suck him in. He knows she’s going to want to try to pull him out, but he’s not sure there’s anyone capable of doing that, not this time, and won’t drag her down with him.
“Can we get this CT scan over with?” Matt asks, looking up at Dr. Halstead, who looks concerned.
“Matt!” Brett’s sharp tone takes Matt by surprise and she grabs him and makes him look at her. “Stop trying to ignore me, and listen.”
Matt is too caught off guard by her sudden directness to pull away or even say anything.
“I’m not going to give you some speech about how it’s all going to be okay or- or how you need to stay strong because frankly this day has been absolute hell and there is absolutely no reason that you should have to try to keep it together. I’ve already cried like three times just in the last hour and a half,” She says frantically, the words flying off her tongue in that rapid flustered way they do when she gets really emotional and passionate. “Matt it is okay. It is okay to not be okay. But if you think for one second that I’m going to let you be not okay by yourself, that you got a big storm comin, buddy.” she sounds and looks almost angry. “I don’t care if you think all your big angry man feelings are too much for me, because one they’re not, and two I love you and I’m not going to let you deal with this on your own. Is that clear?”
Matt holds her gaze, and as he looks into her blue eyes something inside him breaks freeing all his emotions at once, and before he can even feel it coming, he’s crying.
“Thank you Sylvie,” he chokes and buries his face in her shoulder. There’s a kind of relief that comes with Matt’s release of all his pent up pain and sorrow. It doesn’t make any of it go away or get better, but he feels a little, and despite the fact that he’s practically sobbing into Brett’s arms, he feels like he can actually breathe. He’s glad she’s there and he’s glad she yelled at him.
“Guys, I’m really sorry,” Dr. Halstead says softly, and clears his throat apologetically. “But we gotta move you out of here and up to the CT. There’s an air lift coming in, and they’re going to need this space to work.”
Casey nods his head a little, but doesn’t lift it from Sylvie’s shoulder and she keeps rubbing his back in gentle soothing circles.
“Please come with me,” Matt mumbles, finally lifting his head again, and wiping the tears away from his eyes with the back of his hand.
“Of course, Matt,” she says reassuringly, with tears coming down her cheeks. Casey hadn’t even realized she was crying too.
***
“Halstead, I need a hand!” Dr. Choi shouts as he and the two air medics burst into the ER with the stretcher. Sylvie can see that’s it’s Severide; she’d had a feeling it was him when Maggie said there was an airlift coming in, but now she’s sure. He’s a dirty bloody mess, but it’s him plain as day.
“I’ll be right back, guys,” Will says quickly and dashes off to assist, leaving Sylvie standing alone next to Matt’s wheelchair.
“Is that-” Matt starts to say but halfway through his sentence he stops, probably realizing it’s exactly who he thinks it is. “Severide!”
Casey’s on his feet in a matter of seconds, and tries to run to his friend, but Sylvie manages to grab him before he can.
“Matt, you have to stay here, and give them space,” she says firmly, holding the Captain back. He doesn’t fight her, but he doesn’t sit back down either.
“That’s Sev,” he breathes, and looks down at her with a horrified expression.
“I know.” She wants to look away from Severide, but she can’t, it’s like she’s frozen in a state of shock that she can’t shake herself free from. She can’t see much around the medical personnel swarming the little room, but she can see the blood and it’s everywhere. Without even consciously doing so she reaches down and grabs Matt’s hand; she’s not really sure if she’s doing to comfort herself or him, but either way it doesn’t matter.
“We started a blood transfusion on the way over, he’s lost close two leaders, body temp is 92-”
“BP’s bottoming out,” Will reports, interrupting the medics. “Get a crash cart on stand by and we need warm fluids.”
“He’s coded twice,” One of the air medics adds as they transfer Severide from the stretcher. “Once in the air and once before we got there.”
“Casey, you need to get up to your CT,” Dr Manning says, grabbing both Sylvie and Matt and turning them away from what’s happening. Brett can’t help but look back over her shoulder at what’s happening to Severide.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Casey argues and pulls away from the doctor. Sylvie wishes she could back Matt, she wants stay and make sure they get Severide stabilized, but they can’t. Matt needs to get a CT done, for his own good; this isn’t the first major head injury he suffered. Brett heard stories about the last one that resulted in a skull fracture, and how the doctors had warned him another hit to the head could be fatal.
“Matt, you need to get yourself checked out,” Sylvie says, hoping he doesn’t argue.
“But-”
“Severide’s in the best possible hands,” Dr. Manning promises. “Now you need to let me take you up for some head CTs, okay?”
Matt casts a reluctant glance over his shoulder at Severide, Brett can tell from the look on his face he’s thinking the same thing she is: he can’t die. She’s sure it’s harder for him, he’s known Kelly twice as long as she has, and been close friends for the better part of that time.
“They’ll take care of him, Matt. But you need to let them take care of you, too. Okay?”
Matt bites his lip and nods.
***
The blank white ceiling is the first thing Stella becomes aware of as she slowly drifts out of her deep dreamless sleep and begins to open her eyes, the next thing she notices is the steady quiet rhythmic beep of a heart monitor next to her head, it’s a soothing reassuring sound… and finally as her brain plays catch up with her body she becomes painfully aware of an emptiness that’s opened up inside of her. Something’s missing. She tries to sit up but pain shooting up from her abdomen stops her and she flops back in the bed with a gasp, and it hits her. The baby- the baby’s gone. Her throat tightens with panic as she tries a second time to sit up, she can’t feel the baby anymore. She makes a second attempt to sit up, ignoring the pain in her abdomen as she looks wildly around the room, she can hear the beeping on the machine next to her getting faster, and her mind races.
“Woah, hey, Stella take it easy!” Brett says urgently and grabs her hand. She hadn’t even noticed the paramedic sitting next to her bed.
“The baby,” Stella chokes desperately and grabs Brett’s arm begging for answers. She can’t lose the baby, she’s already pretty sure Kelly’s gone, she remembers saying goodbye to him, and she can’t lose their child too. It’s all she has left of him.
“The baby’s okay, Stella. He’s okay,” Sylvie promises, squeezing Stella’s hand.
“He?” Stella breathes and sinks back in bed. She and Kelly had decided not to be told the gender of the baby during her pregnancy to leave it a surprise.
“Yes,” Sylvie replies gently. “You have a beautiful healthy baby boy.”
Stella closes her eyes and points her head toward the ceiling letting her relief sink in. Her son is okay… she has a son .
“Dr. Manning said they’ll bring him in as soon as you're ready,” Brett says as she slides her hand out of Stella’s.
Stella nods her head in acknowledgment, but keeps her closed as she allows herself to breathe and get her bearings back. When she’s ready… She’s not sure if she’ll ever be truly ready for this; Kelly was supposed to be here. They were supposed to raise the baby together. She’d always known the possibility of her doing this by herself could turn into a reality, but she’d never actually let herself think about it, let alone prepare for it.
“Is Kelly…?” she can’t bring herself to finish the question and say it out loud… dead. Is Kelly dead?
Brett sighs and squeezes her hand.
“No…” Stella moans and squeezes her eyes shut tighter.
“No,” Brett says even. “He’s not dead Stella.”
Stella opens her eyes and turns her head to face Brett. She’d been so sure, the way he’d said good-bye, the silence that had followed, all of it had made her so sure she’d lost him… that he was gone forever and that she’d have to raise this baby, this last piece of him she had left, all alone.
“He’s okay?” Stella chokes, tears stinging her eyes.
“They airlifted him in about an hour ago, and he was in bad shape. He’s in surgery right now,” Sylvie explains. Stella can tell she’s trying to sound positive and upbeat, but that deep down the paramedic is worried… really worried.
“Do they think he’s going to make it?” Stella ventures after a beat. Part of her doesn’t want to know, she’s not entirely sure she’ll be able to handle it. She knows it’s gotta be really bad considering how convinced Kelly was that he was going to die and how scared he’d seemed. But the other part of her needs to know. “Give it to me straight, Brett.”
“It’s bad, Stella. I’m sorry,” Brett admits reluctantly. “I saw him when they brought him in… he was a mess. Surgery’s going to take a while, and chances are they’ll have to take breaks to make sure they can keep him stable, but that’s all I know.”
Stella closes her eyes and lets out a slow breath trying to calm her nerves and not think about how badly this day could end.
“Can I see our baby now?” She asks slowly without looking at Brett. She’d imagined right from the start of this pregnancy that Kelly would be right there with her when she brought the baby into the world. She’d imagined she’d give birth naturally, Kelly holding her hand, and the baby getting to see them both as soon as it opened its eyes, not this- not their child, their son, spending his first few hours with some nurses while both his parents fight for their lives. She’s okay now, and she needs to see her son.
“Absolutely,” Sylvie replies gently and gives Stella’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll go get Maggie.”
It’s only a couple minutes before Sylvie comes back in the room with Maggie who’s holding a small bundle protectively in her arms. Stella sits up, a nervous excitement bubbling up inside of her, up until now the only thing she’s felt is hollow, the hollowness left behind by no longer having a baby growing inside her and a hollow dread and fear of losing Kelly. But it all slips away as Maggie walks over to her and gently hands the tiny bundle over to her with a warm smile.
“There you go mama,” Maggie says gently and places the baby in Stella’s arms with a smile.
She’s held babies before, pulled them out of burning houses and crashed cars, she’s even held a couple of her friend’s babies, but none of that could’ve ever prepared her for this, it’s like nothing she’s ever done before. This is her baby, her beautiful baby’s face that she’s staring into, and that’s staring right back up at her with deep blue eyes that look just like his father’s.
“Hey sweetie,” she chokes, the words sticking in her throat. She cradles her son close to her- her son … it seems strange almost thinking about it. She has a son. She almost can’t even believe it, she has a son and he’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen.
He blinks at her, but doesn’t make a sound as he continues to look up at her intently. She wishes she could stay like this forever.
***
Sylvie wants to go in and be with Stella and the baby, but it feels like intruding, and from the look on her friend’s face, she’s pretty sure she needs some alone time with her baby.
“Is Stella awake?” the sound of Dr. Halstead’s voice behind her starles her and she turns around to face the doctor who’s walking down the hallway toward her. He looks concerned, and considering the fact that both Stella and the baby are currently fine, it must have to do with Severide. “I need to talk to her.”
“She is,” Sylvie says and steps in front of the door as Will reaches for the nob. “But you’re going to have to wait to give her whatever bad news you have. She’s meeting her son for the first time, she needs time to be happy.”
Dr. Halstead sighs and takes a step back. “Fair enough.”
“So it is bad news…” Sylvie questions. She’d been hoping he’d correct her and tell her that he had good news instead.
“It’s not as bad as it could be, but it’s not great,” Will replies.
“What is it?” Brett asks, casting a quick glance through the window at Stella before focusing her gaze on the doctor.
“They got him through surgery, but there was a lot of internal damage and a lot of crush related injuries. He also lost a lot of blood, and was hypothermic, which is probably what saved his life.”
“What’s the prognosis?” Brett asks, shifting her feet.
“He’s still critical, and we’re still not sure if he’s going to wake up, and if he does we’re not expecting him to make a full recovery,” Will replies grimly.
“What do you mean by not making a full recovery?” Brett presses. “Like not walking again or…”
“Not walking again,” Will answers her. “But right now we’re just trying to make sure he makes it through the next hour, which, to be completely honest, it’s not looking like he will.”
Brett sighs and turns back to the window to look at Stella and the baby. Severide’s alive, so that much is good news, but Will doesn’t seem optimistic that he’s going to make it through the next hour or so. It seems wrong to tell Stella and give her false hope if Severide might die at any minute, but it also seems wrong not to tell her, not to give her answers for what she’s up against.
“I’d like to tell Stella, but if you think I should wait, I will,” Will ventures after a moment of silence.
“Would she be able to see him?” Brett asks. The answer to that question is a game changer; if the answer’s yes they can’t not tell her. They can’t rob her of whatever time she has left with Kelly.
“Yes, she’ll be able to go see him,” Will replies.
“Then we need to tell her,” Sylvie says quietly. It still seems so wrong to do it right now, but she needs to know, and she needs to be able to go be with him. If nothing else, her being with him will keep him fighting.
“I’ll give her another minute,” Will says. “Oh, and Matt’s been asking for you, your crew is in with him, but he wants you.”
“Okay, I’ll go see him in a little bit, but I’d like to be with Stella when you give her the news,” Brett replies. Stella’s going to need more than just the comfort of a doctor she barely knows.
