#hunterwriteswords

Hunter Sylvester.

Yes I'm doing Hunter first, what do you think I am? Unbiased? Please.

Autistic Perfectionism. Hunter's autistic perfectionism is something I've mentioned before and somewhat struggle to describe satisfactorily. But to me the most obvious example is his inability to deal with the idea of Emily joining Skullfucker as a cellist. Obviously, there's the queer angle to this but I think two reasons can play a role at once. He's in love with Kevin so he doesn't want a girl that Kevin picked to be a part of their band. Additionally, I'd argue that he can't deal with the idea of having a girl cellist as their bass player because it in NO WAY fits the mental image that Hunter has in his mind of what he wanted Skullfucker to be. It doesn't match the perfect idea that he's dreamed of, that he holds onto for dear life, so he can't deal with it.

Hyperfixations. "Hunter's been into a lot of things since I've known him but he's stuck with metal longer than any of them." - Kevin. Need I say more? Well, I will anyway. The guy hyperfixates. I think the closest thing we have to a canon confirmed hyperfixation is Dungeons & Dragons. Because of what in my mind is a combination of Autism and ADHD in Hunter, they don't fully leave him. He still likes and plays D&D, but he's not as obsessed with it as he used to be when he made his dad buy him the most ridiculous game terrain that fucking lights up.

Special Interests. I think one of the easiest claims to make is that metal is a special interest for Hunter. He entrenches his entire life in it and reaches for it when a stressful situation happens to try and make himself feel more okay. (getting his hair cut off by Skip and relating his new look to Jason Newsted) It's clearly something that comforts him, having been obsessed with it ever since his mom left. Which, regardless of the specific circumstances, is a horridly stressful situation for any 12-13 year old.

Struggles with social interaction. He doesn't seem to have a lot of friends. He gets along with Robbie, Kevin (obviously) and the people he plays D&D with but that seems to be it. Especially whenever the situation gets very stressful, Hunter's mind immediately reaches for his comfort interest to try and make it through (or to lash out). He can't easily just be comfortable in a strange social situation. Or a strange situation in general.

Stims. Hunter stims by playing guitar. That's it, that's the whole point. And there's this little move:

Kevin Schlieb.

Neutrality. The way Kevin just takes Hunter and Emily as they are feels autistic to me.

Struggles with social interaction. And he clearly wants it to be easier for him. He wants to connect to people but he doesn't know how. It's not like he doesn't understand people. He does. He understands Hunter better than Hunter understands himself. "sometimes he's not so nice to people when he's uncomfortable" "You are afraid of everybody" "you treat everybody like shit and you make them hate you" But that understanding of how people think and work doesn't translate to his direct interactions with most of his peers. Maybe because he understands other neurodivergent people but not neurotypicals. The fact he does have a decent read on, at the very least, his best friend could also be indicative of the extra work Kevin has had to put in over the course of his life to try and understand people to begin with.

Directness. A lot of Kevin does feel direct to me. I suppose in a 'what you see is what you get' sort of way. He obviously has the whole protagonist thing going on which tends to end you up with pretty neutral, earnest and open characters.

Stims:

Emily Spector.

Gets overstimulated. Emily's outbursts could be attributed more to a struggle regulating her emotions. It's not a huge stretch to assume her mystery medication is a mood stabilizer. However, the idea of it being a combination of being overstimulated and then no longer being able to deal with her anger on top of the distress she's already feeling feels apt to me. This is a stretch, but, we only ever see her have outbursts at school. A nightmare environment for the stimuli sensitive. Emily is by far the character out of the main three we spend the least time with, which could easily explain my previous point away. We hardly see her out of school to begin with. But I think there can be merit in taking it as a part of the story, rather than an incidental effect of her being left by the wayside.

Black and white thinking. "So first you tell me that I should hate him, and now you want me to help him?" - Emily. No, he didn't say you should hate him, Emily. "You have every right to be mad- especially at Hunter!" - Kevin.

Directness. I mean she literally calls up Kevin to ask him if he wants to go fuck in a parking lot and more power to her. But it is very direct.

Struggles with social interaction. And apart from Skip & Co. having a particular hate-boner for Hunter, Emily might actually be the most widely ostracized for her lack of social finesse. Which would check out because society is brutally cruel to girls. Kevin is shown to have some positive interaction outside of the other two main characters, so is Hunter. And, yes, so is Emily. But it's only with the janitor of the school, who she is implied to have had previous interactions with. Having your only friend at school be the fucking janitor is not a neurotypical experience. I know I certainly got along easier with a handful of teachers than I did with my peers back when I was at school.

Whatever this is. Fam, I've BEEN there...but it's not neurotypical:

Every time I've written about these scenes I've felt like I had to hold back. But fuck it, right? I was inspired by this ask to actually share a bit more of my thoughts on the topic.

I can't overstate that I don't think any of this was intentional. I don't believe the scene was ever supposed display any more explicit SA, I think it's all purely accidental. Which, if you ask me, tends to be where the best emotional representation happens.

There's two scenes that unintentionally mirror the typical portrayal of sexual assault and its emotional aftermath. The scene where Skip attacks Hunter, cutting a chunk of his hair off. And the following scene where Hunter shaves the side of his head in his bedroom.

How many times have we seen female characters cut their hair after an abusive relationship or after being assaulted? And how many of us, regardless of gender, have done the same? Hacking away at our hair with blunt scissors and tears in our eyes. Standing over the bathroom sink trying to somehow cut out the memory.

And we know the likely "why" to the typical post-trauma haircut. It's looking in the mirror and seeing something other than the person that endured the trauma. It's taking back control over our bodies.

Before the attack even happens, Hunter's been slowly losing the control that he at least thought he had. Control over himself, his surroundings, and not to mention: Kevin. Kevin's pursuit of Emily creates an important crack in Hunter's perception of their relationship. And is evidence of the lack of control he really has over it.

Everything about the attack screams accidental SA metaphor. He's ambushed by several guys, overpowered, "gagged." A piece of him is taken, only to be discarded. Because it was never about the thing that's taken, only that it's violently ripped away. And afterwards he's left writhing on the floor. Eyes wide in disbelief. Trying to process what just happened to him.

That scene in isolation already has this theme thoroughly woven into it, but I think it's really hammered home in the one that follows.

Of course, Kevin is there with him. The person he feels most comfortable around. The person he needs now more than ever.

Not only does Hunter directly call Skip's coach a rapist before lamenting that when Skip & his friends come back they'll "ass-rape" him. (Again, I don't think that's a literal accusation, but the fact that that's where his mind went in at the very least notable.)

More importantly: he blames himself.

Kevin justly points out that Hunter didn't "get them suspended." They got themselves suspended by attacking Hunter. But he pushes back. Pointing out that he flicked Skip in the face first.

Let's not let it slide how much of a batshit escalation Skip's actions are. Even if we take everything entirely at face value, Skip is fucking unhinged. As most bullies are.

The fact that Hunter flicked Skip in the face in no way justifies him literally hacking off a chuck of Hunter's hair. But the fact that Hunter tries to justify it as being his fault brings it that much closer to the SA symbolism. It's painfully common for us to assume we must have done something to warrant the abuse we face. That we made the fatal mistake that led to it all, rather than it being a decision made by our attackers.

Obviously, at face value, Hunter shaving the side of his head is a logical way to deal with a chunk of his hair being cut off. It's that or cutting all of his hair off. Part of me feels like that's what Skip would have been hoping for. So choosing the shaved side instead feels like a subtle(ish) "fuck you" in and of itself. It's Hunter reclaiming his hair.

It's also that step towards regaining control. It's destruction on Hunter's own terms. (cough see the fucking jacket post cough) (and for that matter my other haircut post)

It's removing Skips fingerprints in favor of the scratch-marks of Hunter's own nails. Because by fuck is the stinging those leave preferable over the dull aching memory of Skip's hands on him.

For a split second we see him realize even a sliver of the impact of it all. When he's no longer able to distract himself by focusing purely on the act of shaving his head, he can't ignore what's directly staring back at him. That he's not the same as he was anymore. He's a different Hunter from the one that woke up that morning. He's been defiled. Destroyed. Partly by his own hand. Which doesn't exactly dull the sting of it but it at least makes it his. At least he has ownership over his damage. At least some of it's on his terms.

Of course the thing he turns to to snap himself out of this is to seek Kevin's approval.

A plea, perhaps. Tell me I'm not as broken as I feel. Tell me I'm not completely destroyed. Tell me I'm going to come out the other end of this. Tell me you still love me.

(I'm aware this scene is played relatively lighthearted, and that I'm in fact insane. Water is also wet.)

Content warnings: Recreational drug use, dry humping, dubcon if you think being high makes it dubcon, not super graphic description of a graphic crime scene, mention of beheading.

Also the album referenced throughout for mood and/or context:

I sometimes make prompts for myself inspired by popular steddie prompt blogs. (namely steddiemicrofic and steddiesongfics) Random word count, playlist on shuffle and use the song title as the prompt. This one had a word count, which I decided to throw out as I was writing. It wasn't like I was sticking to anybody else's rules so fuck it. (The og word limit was 412, and the above Katatonia song was the word/song.)

I kind of recommend doing this. Although, I will admit this is the first time it's actually worked.