You seem awesomefaced :). Apologizes for any ignorance on the topic, but may I ask stuff cause was curious. You said you are "pretty much a cis female" with a bit of genderweird, that would mean you are a female with a sometimes genderfluid thing? And another thing, have you ever tried/ heard of Second Lif? And another other thing holyshit you are also pretty :3.
Thank you so much for the kind words aah ;w;!You donāt need to apologize, you couldnāt have POSSIBLY worded that more gently/appropriately/couched-in-genuine-curiosity...ily. And yeah!Breaking it down, Iām a genderqueer/genderfluid girl, where sometimes I go from girl to androgyne. The affect it has on my life is so minimal I personally donāt feel comfortable placing myself visibly under the trans umbrella, but I really want to emphasize here that that is a personal choice I have made and in no way an endorsement of either a specific course of action, or a moral statement that the choice I have made isĀ ācorrectā. If youāre out there reading this, andĀ āgenderqueer/genderfluid girlā describes you too -- your gender is different than the one assigned to you at birth, if calling yourself trans feels right, then go for it. By most accepted definitions, you totally are.This is probably more words than you bargained for, but HERE WE ARE. Itās a good opportunity to explain how the identity came about and what it means to me.It was a bit of a difficult path for me to finally get here; I was a visibly androgynous teenager with poor self-image and did the archetypical course of action, wore lots of frumpy clothes to hide my body, vocally and outwardly rejected all things Mainstream Feminine, and ALSO complicating things -- I was very, very certain I was regular-queer, too. (I just say Iām queer, but bi/pansexual are equally accurate. I say Iām bi outside of circles whereĀ āqueerā would be a cogent communicator of identity). I dated another girl for quite some time. This extra-complicated my gender issues, because lord help us both, she was also bi and the relevant bit of our relationship here was her pining that I had a penis. I, too, pined for a penis.But then I got out of my awkward gangly teenage years. My waist slimmed and my hips flared. I Got Actual Boobs (I was always flat-chested, this contributed, I had AA-As [a double-A is smaller than a single-A for you non-bra-shoppers] until I was 17-18, when birth control gave me a growth spurt). I lost a bit of babyfat in my face and it slendered out and I still had a strong chin and jaw and brow but now I actually had cheekbones too. My friends and partners gently supported my self-esteem and encouraged me to embrace my femininity, to wear flattering clothes and let myself be seen. After hating my body for so long, actively being encouraged to love it was such a welcome respite!However, time has seemed to have indicated that... both of those time periods were me rubber-banding too far in the opposite direction. Ā After finally loving myself and allowing myself to be femme and really honestly loving it -- little things would bubble up. I wouldnāt shave my legs out of laziness and get huffy at the expectation that I SHOULD -- I uh, kind of liked my legs hairy. A guy at a convention vocally and exasperatedly disagreed with my notion that I was androgynous --Ā āwhat? no, youāre not androgynous at ALL, haha, what?ā -- and I was angry about it for days for reasons I couldnāt place. And Iām in aĀ āheteroā relationship now (neither of us are straight, but, you know, hetero-presenting) and even now, outside of the earlier context in my life of partner wishing I didnāt HAVE to use a strap-on, a lack of a penis does still palpably bother me some days. some days I pack with, like, some socks and I Feel Better. Iāve been eyeing things like this binderĀ or this one.Ā looks like some part of me actively wants to be androgynous sometimes, huh.It was sort of a hard place to get to; my feminine identity was hard-fought to win! I really had to try so hard to love myself as a girl, and to abdicate that feels, odd. But hey, I think Iām finally where Iām supposed to be, that Iām usually a girl, but also sometimes, Iām an androgyne, and Thatās Okay!!WITH REGARDS TO SECONDLIFE: Iām very aware of it! I never really played it, due to a combination and a lack of interest c: Itās nothing personal, but the genre of Ā āchat clients with more involved avatarsā never clicked with young-Me, is all!WITH REGARDS TO ME BEING VERY PRETTY: THANK U
