#hshqtask050

she cannot really tell when the notion solidified itself in her but by the time she was at the age where having sex was a regular mundane thing, olimpia felt like sex was a men’s game and women were the props. she can’t find much respect in it. even with partners she trusts, knows well, and cares deeply about, she feels a bit used. the culture she grew up around solidified her belief, proved her right. how people, men especially, brough up the wife’s duty... how ex-boyfriends always managed to find a way to call their exes whores... how getting on your knees was always somehow funny...

having sex always seemed to lead to being respected less.

she can’t truly separate sex from getting objectified and degraded. how can someone love her and still want to fuck her ? it’s too easy for sex to have violent, pornographic elements that olimpia has a hard time describing it as ‘making love’. it’s carnal desires being fulfilled. love doesn’t seem like a natural component of it. 

she understands why people chase the euphoria that comes with sex, but she can’t always be sure that it’s really worth it. she doesn’t have bad experiences when she has sex, the problem isn’t that she can’t find it enjoyable ( she does )— it’s that it always makes her wonder how much the other person’s perception of her has changed now that he managed to add her onto his list of conquests. 

you won’t find olimpia having one-night stands or doing casual sex. sex isn’t something she could pick up as a hobby. she’s careful about sex because she hates the idea of making a bad decision and ending up feeling like she wasn’t respected. the number of times she has given head can probably be counted with the fingers of her two hands  — those occasions definitely required some consideration from olimpia. eventually she decided since it was that special an occasion, it would be a treat or a gift rather than her making herself into one fuckable orifice. 

push-up bras and pretty dresses made her feel all the more powerful, to own femininity in such a way after ignoring it for so long was freeing. her mother had once warned her that being a woman and ruler oftentimes comes with its own set of preconceived notions, and catherine had taken the advice to heart by steeling herself in her youth. she had her first kiss during her first society season — behind a garden statue of one of her aunts’ estates! — and could considerably be called a ‘late bloomer’ in that sense.

but her instincts took over, as if it had been waiting for a summon all this time. catherine was both eager and cautious, in the beginning it was almost like making up for lost time. she lost her virginity to some earl’s handsome son from the highlands before her first semester at st. andrews. she didn’t tell him about her virginity, she’d hate for him to feel any sort of ownership over her in that way. her college boyfriend was sweet, and she became accustomed to sleeping with him. although her first prominent sexual partner was definitely ennio este.

he was older, with experience she never had. catherine did a lot of learning under ( and on top of ) him, she explored things more thoroughly, and could finally call herself mildly adventurous. finally, she was confident and happy in her skin. finally, she could honestly say that sex is a largely enjoyable past time.

after the end of her relationship with ennio, then began her series of conveniently located fwbs strewn across her usual haunts. lord gavin st. john always comes when she beckons, meanwhile tony branson’s penthouse flat in london has a drawer of her emergency toiletries. catherine always preferred to stick to longterm arrangements than one night stands, just as all other aspects of her life, research and experience counts.

( also yes catherine and arthur slept with each other during their secret arrangement thing just to see if they could stomach each other, but it was still pretty weird and only happened once )

leading up to her marriage with max, catherine had already cancelled all of her surviving arrangements towards the end of her betrothal with andrew ( when they finally started sleeping with each other ), and she got pissed that her options immediately dwindled. she has needs, after all.

Her superficial opinion on sex changes with her mood. If she is feeling very comfortable in her skin, then there’s really no issue with sex... and if not, then sex is pushed far far far away from her mind and, quite frankly, condemned. As enjoyable as it can be, it’s easy for Fanni to feel that it’s wrong. It’s one of the reasons why she finds relationships so lovely — in a relationship it’s completely fine to want to have sex, and honestly, a good partner gives sex... some people consider it a form of love! It’s definitely more appropriate to have sex in a relationship.

— it needs to be said that Fanni has never made the mistake of confusing sex for love. Whether she likes it or not, her approach to sex has always been a bit more pragmatic. Sex has an end goal in her opinion and love is not necessary by any means.

Her first sexual relationships were pretty far from fulfilling. Lots of fumbling around and feeling awkward and embarrassed. The sort of shame that came with not knowing what to do was the absolute worst for Fanni. Luckily there was a fairly easy fix: to have more sex. In order to consider a sexual encounter a success, she needs to feel like she did well. She takes performing serious in that sense, and she’s been doing it long enough to know how to cheat praise out of partners  — like for example, the controversial deepthroating, in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t do much as an act if it’s removed from context but it’s part of a performance. It’s pornographic. It’s a trick. It’s part of a show. It can set her apart from others. There’s certain kind of enjoyment and satisfaction to be derived from knowing you and your actions had a strong effect on someone.

And that’s another thing: sex can be a confidence boost for Fanni. What’s better than knowing you’re desired and wanted? Not many things if you ask her.

Her sexual orientation is a bit trickier. Her bisexuality is one of those things that she just decided never to address because in her opinion it was irrelevant. Women were beautiful creatures and Fanni is yet to find anything quite as erotic as a pair of bare boobs but... it’s troublesome. There’s nothing to be gained from coming out of the closet or even getting involved with another woman: settling down with a woman was never ever part of her plan. It just did not fit in there, it just would not. So she keeps that part of her out of the way. It’s irrelevant. She does not have time to spare on irrelevant things no matter how personal.