HOWEVER, this is not something I have shared with everyone in my life and just wanted to get these words ... these feelings off my chest. I tend to bottle things up inside then have an explosion of emotions that are hard to get a handle on... so I’m using this forum. Where I’m semi-anonymous to blog my thoughts and feelings. Read it if you want to, don’t read it if you don’t want to, but DON’T leave RUDE or MEAN comments.
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Everyone always says “getting pregnant is the easy part” or “oh trying to get pregnant is fun”
Then after trying for awhile and realizing I’m not getting any younger, I decide to be proactive.
“It’s easier to test the guy”... I was told, and well, it makes sense. So, that was my plan.
I tell him I made him an appointment, that he has to go jizz into a cup. He does it without saying a thing, he would do anything for me.
We wait a couple days for the results. After the 2-3 days had passed & still no call, I decide to take matters into my own hands and call them. (Luckily I was listed as a person they could speak to.. due to HIPPA laws)
They tell me it’s great news! “His sperm count is great and so is the mobility”. Ok, cool.
I tell him, and he immediately asks, because it’s like he can read my mind or something, “are YOU ok?”
I text him back, of course I am, we got good news!
Later that night when we are both home from work and he’s holding me in bed, he asks again. “Are you okay?”
I whispered, “if you got the all clear, I must be the problem.”
He said he knew that’s how I must be feeling, which is kind of why he was hoping he was the problem. He didn’t want me to feel like the reason we might not be able to have kids was me.
He held me as I told him all my concerns.
I called my OB, they ran some tests and said from their end things looked fine in my blood work. Put me on some medication to help, but after 3 more months, no pregnancy.
My OBGYN referred to my a fertility doctor.
I called, waited a couple weeks for my appointment, and went in. It was just an initial “consultation visit”. I wasn’t expecting any big news at this one. Thought it would be an appointment to fill out papers, talk to a doctor, decide a ‘plan of care’ if you will. (Plan of care- there’s the nurse in me coming out).
I thought it was a consultation visit, so I went alone.
My husband told me, no less than 20 times, he would take off work and go with me. I didn’t have to go alone.
But, my momma raised a strong independent woman who don’t need no man help 😂 - so I went alone.
At this point in my journey I hadn’t told a single person of our problems, apart from my best friend.
I hadn’t told my mom, who I’m extremely close to. Or even my sister, who I’m even closer to and tell everything to.
So I go to this appointment, alone, because remember. . . - strong independent woman who don’t need no man help- and left alone, in a
This was not just a “consultation visit”. It was a here let me do this transvaginal ultrasound TODAY and let’s figure it out. I left there with more information than I could handle alone. Left there with SOME answers, but more questions than I originally had.
Words were used, some I had no meaning for. Tests were scheduled that I didn’t know what they were or what they were for. More blood work was ordered.
I walked out of there and immediately just sat in my car for a moment to process.
My husband was at work, so I texted him. Telling him what I knew so far, but told him we would talk about it when he got him.
I text my sister and best friend, telling them I would explain more as I understood more.
I called my mom, as I started explaining to her, “I went to a fertility doctor” it started with her saying “you what? Why didn’t you tell me. I would have gone with you. What did they say”?
I started to explain everything they told me, but less than a minute into my explanation I break down crying. Saying I’m not even quite sure what it all means but have a test in 2 weeks and blood work the same day in the morning.
I get home. Start googling the terms the doctor used.
Googled the test I was scheduled for, looked painful as fuck. Got out of that.
Again, I googled what the doctor said he was thinking was the problem... read article after article. Found actual peer reviewed scholarly articles to read.
I became entirely discouraged.
Later that night my mom called me back, she had found out most of the same information I had. She told me, we would all pray and get through this together. The doctor might be wrong. We will wait and see the results of the tests and blood work.
Two more weeks go by, and I have the blood work done and the test done.
Scheduled my follow up appointment to meet with the doctor to go over results in 2 more weeks.
This time, I bring my husband. Not doing this alone.
The doctor confirms what he was thinking, I have “Low Ovarian Reserve”. Meaning, though I’m only 29 (at the time), my eggs are more like that of a 40 to mid-40 year old woman. If I want to have kids I need to try NOW, and “not get my hopes up to have more than one”. He started talking about IUI, who I need to talk to about scheduling, and cost.
He writes a prescription for a medicine I will need to take but also tells me of yet another test I will need to do BEFORE I take the medicine.
I get the prescription filled.
I wait, for another negative pregnancy test. I wait for my period.
On the first day of my period I call to make my first appointment for this process. To go on the 3rd day of my cycle to get another ultrasound to make sure it’s ‘safe’ for me to take the medicine.
That same day when I get home I start to take a medicine, to induce ovulation or make me produce multiple eggs.
I take this medicine for 5 days.
Then, day 10 of my cycle I go to another ultrasound to see if the medicine worked.
Now I wait another 2 days then give myself a shot- that should finish up the process of preparing my body for insemination.
The next day is the big day! My hubby goes an hour before me and “does his duty”.
Then I go later and they ... put the ingredients inside me. Directly where it needs to go, to have the best chance of implantation and successful pregnancy.
That’s where I am now ... waiting.
I read online - which, to be honest, isn’t smart, that this only have a 1-20% success rate. So... just gonna hope for the best and continue to pray for it to happen.
also, just want to say... I appreciate any kind words you might have to say.. But I DON’T want to hear “just quit trying and it will happen”. ☺️
