#hs fics

Let me be clear: Jake English is not self-aware. He, in Canon, never does anything resembling self-awareness, maturity, emotional boldness, or anything else that requires a spinal column. This includes apologizing to anyone, talking about his problems in a way that doesn't end up being selfish, teasing someone, particularly Dirk, or transitioning. (I maintain this especially; he does not have the boldness, maturity, self-awareness, or nerve to have transitioned his gender presentation pre-Act-6.)

He has an *understanding* of pranks, if we allow Paradox Space as evidence, but that's it. He makes *Tavros* look like a fully-roleplayed-into-Class-shift Lord.

You know what the popular Fandom perception of Jake, as a member of a DirkJake relationship, lines up with? *John*, before his main writing trait became a deep, all-consuming depression and repression thing.

Like, John’s original Act 5 and earlier characterization before his underreaction to his dad's death and the spiral that sent him down towards his current "transition would not save her" characterization is what people use for Jake (charming, funny, actually seems to have his shit together enough to maybe be transmasc (man, remember *transmasc John*?), and, most importantly, seemingly capable of dealing with the levels of vaguely sociopathic bullshit that an even-close-to-accurate Dirk would throw at him), but DirkJohn/JohnDirk is less popular, to the point of not having a consensus order, simply because Jake and Dirk are *coded* as liking each other.

I think a lot of people miss that DirkJake is fundamentally the Equius of relationships; Hussie isn't one of those writers that feels pride in finding pathos in the ridiculous, but spiteful glee and humor. He genuinely does not care if he accidentally touches people's hearts in a way that doesn't involve Dave, or *maybe* Vriska. The fact is, DirkJake is a joke relationship, which is spelled out very clearly in their conversation.

You know, their conversation. The one they have together. The time we see someone who is actual Dirk Strider, not Hal pretending, not Aranea co-opting a memory, not a Brain Ghost, talking to Jake. That time.

Yeah, that doesn't exist. DirkJohn has as much conversational basis as DirkJake.

Edit:

LESS! GAME OVER! "I FAILED"! LESS!!!

DirkJake is a joke, a long, subtle one being made on everyone who saw Dirk's affections and immediately wanted him to get together with his disabled(?) ongoing harassment victim. Hussie was having a lot of fun making it seem like Jake found it important in the Masterpiece, I'll tell you that much.

@thelifetimechannel/@geejaysmith/@clonerightsagenda did magnificently wringing blood from this stone, I really do mean that, their Alphas are genuinely written better than Canon for 3/4, but that's all it ever was; every DirkJake writer is the YouTube comments under [this video](https://youtu.be/B7bpv5xyrOY?si=wYTCFDHM5ZzOY8fp) saying Equius could ever have been more than what he was.

TL:DR

1, Jake is pathetic, and we should remember this.

2, Hussie is a jackass who hates us one and all for the sin of caring and everything he has done with this franchise since maybe EOY2 has had an ulterior motive, and we should remember this.

3, Most people who write longfics set in SBURBless AUs, whether normalcy or fantasy, and want to ship Dirk and Jake should really be shipping Dirk with John, since now that history of Dirk-Jake interactions that justifies the ship in-Universe is gone at the Author's leasure, John would have the dynamic they want, and they talk *exactly as much*.

4, If you want to trans Jake, [there's a sensible way to do that](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8619856), but there's no in-character way to make him transmasc.

I think it was called like When you wear a highblood's clothes or something like that. And it was like karkat had been Messed Up by the Condesce and in like her slavery or something and John and Dave eventually found him and rescued him and brought him back but he was acting completely different and like meek. And he was a sleeper agent of the Condesce or something? And Gamzee saw him being afraid of him and got like super sad and tried to be like as unthreatening as possible around him. It had like 6 chapters i think?

Title: Sticky Notes

Pairing: Stan Wheeler x Jimmy Bending (FriendlyPack)

Summary: Stan and Jimmy had been boyfriends for a while now and Stan thought of a perfect 1st anniversary date for jimmy. He places sticky notes with clues of where he is. With their friends helping Stan with the idea. At the end of the scavenger hunt, Jimmy finds Stan wearing a blue tuxedo with his signature Fannypack standing on the place where they first met.

Disclaimer: It’s been months since i last write something. Hope it’s not too bad! ((Special thanks to @huffle-puff-ego and @missfeisty199 for the help))

Words: 2,668 words (Not including THIS and ABOVE)

“Sunflower?”

     He asked as he opened his eyes. The bed was empty and cold, missing a certain person. His eyes wondered around the room he was in, and then he stumbled upon a yellow sticky note on the pillow next to him. He picked it up and already recognized the handwriting that it belongs to his love. He smiled and whispered to himself the words;

  “Good Morning, Friendly.

  There’s breakfast ready for you in the kitchen!

  Drink plenty of water!

                                                           Love, Fannypack”

 He smiled and went towards their kitchen. He sat down and digs in the wonderful food his sunflower made for him, and of course drank plenty of water. After his stomach was full, he then noticed another yellow note sticking on the flower vase in front of him. It reads:

 “A water a day keeps the thirst away!

I know you’re confused right now from all 

 This notes but don’t freak out! I’m at the

 Hospital-“

  He didn’t even finish reading the note and quickly dressed up and went running out the apartment. He burst through the door scaring some people next to him. He apologized and ran to his car. Arms fiddling to unlock the car door while cursing out such colorful words. His heart beating fast and his mind thinking all the possible bad things that happened to his sunflower. Snapped out of it Jimmy! His fine.

  When the engine is on, he quickly drove towards the hospital. Ignoring the red lights and cars that are honking on his fast driving. He could probably be pulled by a police by speeding but that’s none of his concern at the moment. After what felt like an eternity, -when it was only 4 minutes thanks to his driving-, he finally arrived at the hospital. Bursting through the glass door, shocking some patients and nurses. Brenda, the receptionist, was on her place staring at what was happening. Trying her best to not full on laughing at Jimmy’s full on outburst. The man was yelling his sunflower’s name to people asking where he is and running from A to B. Brenda, with her amusement quenched, called the man over. Not even a second later, his already in front of her.

  “You bitch! Where’s Stan? You stole him from me did you!? Oh my fucking god! When I found him, I’ll kill you and-“

 “Jimmy, chill. Your boyfriend is fine. But he told me to give you this.”  She then gave him a yellow sticky note. And it read;

  “I’m sorry for scaring you! I didn’t mean to give

 You a heart attack! But remember all the times

 We were put here and waited for each other?

 Fun memories, I say!

 I’m at the police station! And no I am not in trouble!

                                                  Love, Fannypack”

He let out a sigh of relief. “Sorry about my sudden outburst, Brenda.” He said embarrassingly. She rolled her eyes and nodded. Pointing at the door and said, “Whatever, just go get your man or something”. Jimmy’s cheeks turn a slight shade of pink. His still not used to hearing someone pointed out that his in a full on relationship. His not thinking it in a bad way! Don’t get him wrong, his so proud that as amazing and handsome as Stan is his boyfriend. Hell, every time he and Stan went out holding hands, they’re not afraid to show it off.

  He shook his head, stopping the voices in his head to write a long ass essay of his life. He put on the ignition and head out to the police station. He turned on the radio to engulf the silence and continue driving. When he finally arrived at the front of the police station, he turned off the ignition and step out the car. The blue haired man walked in the door and saw Lieutenant Ziggy on the counter. The policeman waved him over.

 “Hey Jimmy, what brings you here-“

  “Ziggy, shut up. I know Stan said something for me so just zip it” He said and slammed his hands on the counter. The policeman sighed and gave him another yellow sticky note with the same handwriting. It said:

  “To be honest I have no idea why the next location is the police station.

 Maybe because it’s the only thing Ziggy would work for me.

 Anyway, I’m at the place where we did the you know what.

The cabbage picking. The parmesan. The not so legal.

Okay! The first house we robbed together!

                                                      Love, Fannypack”

   “You didn’t read this, did you?” Jimmy asked nervously. The incident was so long ago but it’s still a crime. The police man chuckled and said, “Even if I did read it or not, I’m not going to bust your ass. Just go and get your man before I change my mind”. He didn’t twice and went directly out the building. Went inside his car and drove the fuck out of there. The man let out a sigh and focuses on the roadway ahead. He noticed that the city is quite silent today, like nothing bad is happening. No cry for help, no ambulance sounds, and no police sirens heard. It’s weird to have a peaceful day in Los Santos. Not that he mind, just weird.

  He saw the house ahead and remembered the quite fun memories he and Stan had. Even though he almost traumatized Stan with him allegedly murdering the man who owns the house. It’s fun. He saw someone on the sidewalk and it seems its Eugene and Edna. He parked in front of them and waved.

   “Funny seeing you two here. Let me guess, Stan told you to wait here for me to arrive and give me a piece of note” Jimmy said to the two. “Hell no, we’re here because a man who looked like Stan is dead inside the house” Eugene said with glee. Jimmy’s face turned pale and nervously laughed. Edna quickly punched Eugene, “Ey! Don’t scare the poor boy with your shit!” She then looked at Jimmy who is still at the state of shock and slapped him, waking him up. “His just being his shitty self, Stan’s fine. Here” She gave jimmy the paper. “Just get out of here, I don’t want any witness when I kill this bitch” Eugene quickly ran away with Edna on his tail.

  “My first time doing something illegal! The adrenaline was

 Something! Remember when I yelled ‘Oh my god’ so many times

 When you killed a man? Good times. Oh, and you almost selling me crack?

 The friendliest crack dealer in Los Santos! I’m at the place where we almost died!

                                                               -love Fannypack”

   He shivered at the thought of the memory. The time when they turned into hostages. He turned on the ignition and drove to Polido Bank. He turned on the radio to silence the long drive to the bank. To his surprise, he heard Kiki’s voice in the radio.

  “Good Afternoon, you mothertruckers! Kiki Chanel in the house for your daily thirst quenching! Queue the applause..... I SAID QUEUE THE APPLAU- yayyyyyy. Okay, okay, okay. Before you get your daily bad choices of song, here’s a special message from Jackie chan himself! He said and i quote with his voice; Better hurry up before this motherfucker is dead!’ And here we have our special sponsors, Kiki’s KOC-“

  He suddenly turned down the radio and pressed hard on the paddle, increasing the acceleration of his car. Moving from left to right, avoiding everything that is on his way. Praying that he won’t get pulled over. After what felt like an eternity with his heart beating fast, he can finally see the bank ahead with Buddha or Jackie chan leaning on the side of the bank. With him are two people with a monkey mask and a bandana covering itself. He pulled over and walked hastily to them. 

  “Where’s Stan-“ he was cut off with a gun on his forehead. The man who has the gun tsked and shook his head. The other two who is with him chuckled, making Jimmy nervous.

  “Remember the time when you said they were boyfriends? And they denied?” The man with the monkey mask said to the bandana. He nodded and replied, “And now look at where we are now. The two supposedly not in a relationship are now lovebirds!” The bandana surprisingly shrieked in delight. Following the monkey and Jackie chan. Removing the gun off Jimmy’s forehead.

  “We’re just fucking with you, Velvet aurora!” Jimmy shivered at the name and corrected him with “Friendly”. Jackie Chan nodded and gave him the yellow note his been waiting for. Jimmy said his goodbyes and quickly walked towards his car. But not without hearing one of them say, “Go get that Water man D!”. Jimmy’s cheek reddened and drove off the bank. While driving, he swiftly read the note. 

  “The time when my life flashes before my eyes! In a bad way, i say! Still grumpy about them not buying my water. Anyway, remember when you threatened me? Yeah I’m there! 

                -Love, Fannypack”

   He checked his watch and saw it’s almost past 4 O’clock. He took off his sunglasses and started rubbing his forehead. “All of this stress better be worth it, Stan” He whispered to himself, but a small smile visible on his lips. He saw the familiar fence and the gate leading to the place where he ‘threatened’ Stan. 

   He gets out his car and walked down. He saw someone standing near the water, wearing a rather familiar outfit. A female police outfit and its pink hat. 

    “Sup, bitch” yep, that’s kiki alright.

 “Why are you here? And how the fuck do you know this place?” Jimmy asked the gorgeous woman. 

   “Well nice to see you too, asshole! Such toxic masculinity. At least someone thinks I’m gorgeous.” Kiki smirked at him. He rolled his eyes and put out his hand, gesturing for something them both already knew. 

   “You’re no fun. I’m planning on like putting it inside a bottle and throwing it in the water and you sacrificing your life to get it or something” She said and simply shrugged at Jimmy’s shocked face. 

   “Anyway, out of all the places you, Stan, and I went to. Why this place?” Kiki asked. Jimmy shrugged and looked the other way, avoiding her eyes. “How do i know?” 

   She scoffed at his response and replied, “Because you’re his boyfriend? I can’t even believe Stan choose you over this bomb ass pussy! Huuuuuuuuuuuuuu” Then started dancing seductively. Jimmy pretended to gag and vomit. 

    “HOOOWWWW DAAAAAARRREEEE YOUUUUUU- here, I’m done with this toxicity of masculinity! This bomb ass pussy is out!” After she thrown the piece of paper to Jimmy, she sashayed away with her hips going left and right with her middle finger in the air. “Don’t forget to use protection and lots of lube!” She yelled. Jimmy quickly grabbed the paper flowing in the air before it hit the wet ground. He fixed his posture and read it out loud; 

   “A place where we’re merely strangers

   Introducing Jimmy and Stan

  Never thought they’ll be lovers

The friendly crack dealer and the water man

     Where am i?

                     -love, Fannypack”

   Jimmy’s chest felt so warm. The feeling is like when they first met. How such a middle aged man that is so naive and innocent ended up with a guy like him. He felt the tears coming up but quickly hold it. It’s not time yet. He pocketed the paper, along with the others, and went to his car. Jimmy started heading to the place he never though a love story would start. 

   While his driving, he can see the sunset shining through him. Letting the final ray of sunshine warmth him. Remembering the time when he and Stan went out to eat burgers and watched the sunset together. It may not seem like a date but it is to him. Oh how he wished his brave enough to tell Stan his feelings that time. But that doesn’t matter right now, because they’re together and happy. He’ll get even happier when he finally sees his sunflower. 

  His nearing at the destination and can see what seems like a curtain blocking the parking lot? Is that legal?

  He slowly parked near the destination and get out the car. He looked around, trying to find his love but no luck. He sighed and leaned on the side his car. He took out his cigarette and lighter, and was about to light it when he heard a very familiar voice. 

   “Didn’t you promised you’ll stop smoking?” 

  Jimmy’s eyes widen and looked up. His cheeks reddened and mouth opened, letting the cigarette fall out his mouth. There in front of him shows Stan Wheeler, wearing a blue tuxedo with a matching blue fanny pack. Some black shorts and black fancy shoes. His blonde hair was gelled back making him look somewhat fancy. His hands behind him fidgeting a bit and his eyes looking around, avoiding Jimmy’s covered eyes. Perfect timing, the final sunrise set on Stan making him shine. Making him looked like a literal sunflower that is blue all over. 

  “Uh-uhmm.. h-hi ji-jimmy...” Stan let out a genuine smile. Then suddenly the carpet behind Stan fall revealing such a beautiful sight. It was a beautiful sight when it got caught off by Stan screaming “GOD HELP! THE CARPET HAS DEVOURED MY EXISTENCE!!! HELPPPP!!”. 

   Jimmy chuckled at his clumsiness and helped him get out the carpet monster. -As that Stan called it-. Stan’s head is finally out, so does the rest of his body, and didn’t realize that Jimmy’s face is so near his. It’s so close that them both can feel each other’s breath. Both men has their cheek blushing. Even after a year dating, these two still get flustered over each other. 

 Jimmy helped Stan up and looked back the beautiful sight. There was Christmas lights attached above lighting over a fancy table with food and of course water. An inflatable balloon on the background spelling “Happy 1st Anniversary Stimmy by Kiki and friends”. 

   “So that’s why all of them are both so cryptic and extra stupid” Jimmy said to Stan. He nodded and gestured to the fancy table. They sat down and started talking about times they’re together and being themselves to others. They can hear some locals walking passed them but Kiki threatening them out loud outshine it. With Ziggy and Brenda trying to stop her from killing someone, Eugene and Edna film the whole thing, and other of their friends laughing. It may looked like they’re invading both of their privacy but without those people, none of this would’ve happened. 

  “I’m so lucky to have them, and also you Jimmy” Stan said. 

  “Don’t be such a sap!” The water man giggled at his response. “Oh! I almost forgot!” Stan then went under the table and let out a present. 

  “Wait, I didn’t get you anything!” Jimmy started panicking but Stan beat him to it and told him its fine. Stan gave the gift to Jimmy, who’s still sulking over not giving him a gift. Jimmy slowly opened the wrapped gift and saw... a water bottle? 

  “Uhm, Stan?” 

  “Look at the brand!” Stan said with excitement. Jimmy raised his eyebrows and looked down. It said, “Friendly Water!”. 

  “You and I are now business partners for my water business!” Stan said with glee. “Aren’t I already am with me driving you all over town?” Stan shushed him and told him that it’s beside the point. Jimmy chuckled at his silliness and stared at him with so much love. His so lucky to have such a wonderful and handsome man like Stan. 

 “I’m so lucky to have you too Jimmy” Jimmy laughed and realized he said it out loud. With the stars and moon shining above them, and the chaos happening around them cause by their friends. Nothing would ever ruin such a beautiful night. 

  “Happy 1st anniversary, Sunflower”