#hrhgh

We never got to be kids.

We weren't adults either. Not even people. Just presence, and not even noticed. We were only able to watch, to bear witness. Sometimes we were there to take the abuse, I think, but...

We didn't get to be children. We didn't get to have birthdays. We didn't get to play toys. We didn't get to have someone read to us...

I didn't get to.

Fuck. I'm crying.

And maybe Kane's right. I can call myself a person all I want but...you can't just stop being. You can't just turn off what you are. All I was - am? - is a witness and something to use. Now I...

Wolf always says I'm a person and was always but fuck, it feels like lying-- like I'm pretending. People have childhoods. People have memories. I didn't. I don't.

...This hurts so badly.

Lockfolk are rarely idle, most of them prefer to get up and do things. It may have something to do with them once being inanimate materials, and not wanting to go back to that. They find quests and journeys very fun and locked lockfolk especially love to roam and go on adventures.

Questing guild is obvious. Many lockfolk want to put all their adventure-y desires to good use and can sign up to join the questing guild where they can be enlisted on “officialized” quests and help people with a variety of things ranging from simple fetch quests to like actually saving lives.

Any lockfolk can join that one and it would probably be the easiest to gain entry to.

I think there would be some permanent prompts for it and then a more specific quest that cycles every other month or so?

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And there was also gonna be magic school geared specifically towards unlocked lockfolk. Though shattered lockfolk who have a key can participate too. There would be quests (quest is my word for prompt lol) centering around specific classes and you like have to do enough classes enough times for your lockfolk to graduate.

I’m thinking that once they graduate they unlock a quest that gives them a chance to become a magic school teacher, and a new magic school quest will be released centering around their class.

I also had the idea of a faction of shattered lockfolk “knights” who have to swear to a code of honor to only use dark magic for good causes. And once they rank up enough they get a customized magical weapon.

I mean I never do text posts here anymore. follow my twit for life updates from me, this is mostly just an insp/stuff I like/art reblog blog now. but I figure I’ll do a quick update here at least.

uhhh I got a fulltime actual legit job position at the high school I was temping at (as a learning support assistant for SEN kids) in jan/feb, which was great!!! and then like a week later we went into lockdown, which was not great. lmao. and I spent lockdown learning to paint, etc, you’ve seen the results of that.

anyway, school started up again a few weeks ago, and it’s...very stressful to work there in a pandemic. the kids are great, I love the kids, I love working with the kids (did you know the most important thing you need when working with teenagers is a knowledge of memes and anime? it’s true), and the staff are cool, I love helping out and learning stuff. job is good. love it. we’re obviously doing the very best we can in the situation we have in regards to separating year groups and keeping distances and hygiene. we’re really trying to enforce everything as best we can, and it’s not perfect, but it can’t BE perfect. we’ve already had maybe four positive covid cases in separate year groups, some of which have come close to kids I work with, and by extension, close to me. and it’s so scary. it’s frustrating and scary. I have to go back to work tomorrow and hope my hard efforts to keep distant and clean are enough. I have to do that every day! and I have ocd, it’s awful!!! there’s a lot my brain isn’t letting me do! there’s a lot I’m regressing to, old habits and thoughts that have been ten years dormant because I trained them out of myself after I was in school. it’s so scary that it’s all back and it’s real now.

I hate that it’s the only, like. thing that’s stopping me from really really loving my job. I do love my job but I’m not comfortable and I don’t feel safe, you know? we’re doing what we can. idk. it’s exhausting.

I’m doing my best though, I’m taking 0 risks and being doubly precautious as I am usually. so I can only hope it’s enough, I guess. so far so good.