hello welcome back for the Final Installment of carter watches heated rivalry.
i started this journey as a hater. and in some ways, i am still a hater. by which i mean i will never like you, scott hunter. even if you invented gay rights.
however. in other ways, i have, perhaps, become a lover.
perfectly balanced as all things should be â¤ď¸
EPISODE 6
âand the most valuable player is⌠scott hunterâ NOT TO ME. NOT. TO. ME.
he still talks like a goddamn linkedin profile
iâm not saying i wish that the characters were MORE homophobic, or even outwardly homophobic to begin with, but i do think itâs a little weird that we have seen virtually no locker room/rink homophobia as referenced by my lifelong enemy scott hunter (who did end homophobia through the power of PDA, but that is not enough to spare him from me)
[JULY, OTTAWA, IN THE NOT-A-JEEP]
i have to google when labor day is brb
ok itâs in september. i thought they might have stolen a rose sighting from me but they didnât :)
shane is so me. i too wish i could relax and never leave my cottage #mycottage unfortunately i have 2 jobs and 0 cottages
i frequently go on silent retreats. in fact i went on a silent retreat this morning (forgot how to talk for 8 hours and hid in my room)
[THE COTTAGE]
this cottage does not look like a cottage. i hate rich people.
looked up the definition of cottage. this place is neither a small house, nor is it a public toilet in britain, therefore it is not a cottage. tomato tomato.
so not to reference wtfock again but basically in wtfock s3 thereâs this constant sense that the mics are literally In The Actorsâ Mouths bc u r constantly getting smoochin smackin noises at Maximum Gain. for some reason.
anyway im reminded of that in this moment.
on a related note i lichrally canât hear any sounds quieter than 30dB. (for low pitch sounds itâs a lot worse lol, like 60dB for real low stuff, hence why i have an extremely hard time understanding ilya without captions, but i can only assume mouth sounds are high hz.) i just think thatâs relevant.
monogamyâŚ. slayâŚâŚ.? idk that feels weird to say
also shane and i r no longer mindlinked. where r ur socks king
âletâs just be honest with each otherâ fuckin earth shattering mind blowing ideas from this guy huh
what is it with rich people and havin walls made out of fuckin windows. do you not like being in a house. personally i like my houses 2 have walls. what am i talking about i dont even have a house
HE LITERALLY TRIED TO TURN THE WALLS INTO WALLS AND THAT EXHIBITIONIST BASTARD ILYA ROZANOV THWARTED IT
see this is the problem w fuckin GLASS WALLS !!!!!!!!!!!!! THE SMUDGES!!!! i am the person hired to clean âwallsâ like this. THE SMUDGES!!!!!
[EXT. WEâRE GRILLING NOW]
i find it really funny how shaneâs allegedly been on a macrobiotic diet this entire time (maybe he stopped at some point idk) but then like literally nothing heâs eaten has adhered to that diet with 2 exceptions:
1) the brown rice his mother orders for himâtho notably the salmon does NOT adhere, and
2) ARGUABLY the tuna in the tuna melt. tho not the cheese or the bread or the tomatoes.
also, canât have ginger ale!!!!!
i guess that one time we saw him eating straight up like leaves that was also fine.
[EXT. ITâS NIGHTTIME NOW]
i actually find bonfires very personally offensive in this period of my life. i will be taking no further questions at this time.
also now that i have a nearly-complete exterior view. âââââcottageâââââ what if i killed you in hand to hand combat shane hollander.
ok i just had to do a bunch of googling bc i was like they have loons in alaska im Pretty Sure that means they probably also have loons in russia
and they do, but mostly in northeastern russia. which moscow decidedly is not. so i cant um actually the show today
almost made a self deprecating joke in relation to ilyaâs mother but i am A) worried people will get mad at me and B) a little more aware than that about what people find deeply annoying and uncomfortable to hear. so.
[INT. WEâRE IN THE STUPID RICH PEOPLE SITTING ROOM]
i literally donât trust ilya on a couch while a phone call is happening. i do not trust him. never trust a man.
NEVER TRUST A MAN !!!!!!!
dude i think that counts as touching. disqualified. disbarred. cancelled. banished from the village and reviled throughout the land
mention of thanksgiving had me shook i forgot canadians have that
THE FELLATIO MIMICRY WILL CONTINUE EVEN THO MORALE HAS ALREADY IMPROVED :/
i feel like they r always going Straight Into It. not 2 get overly personal on main (as opposed to such impersonal things as how my dad has dementia) but never in my life have i started a blowjob so aggressively.
adding onto that, things people donât usually know about me now that iâm being open or whatever: i have given my fair share of blowjobs. obviously not any time recently. but i repeat: NONE OF THEM EVER STARTED SO AGGRESSIVELY!
i just canât take it at all seriously. which i suppose is better than cringing into myself
did the exposure therapy work
am i cured
(no)
[INT. WE ARE INSIDE ON THE COUCH AND IT IS NIGHTTIME]
honestly i would like to see him and svetlana get married. i would like to see it!!!!
but monogamy slay :( i guess :(
i will say iâm not by any means having a Bad time in this episode but it very much does feel like⌠idk slice of life domestic fluff fic (iâm only halfway thru but) and i feel like that really only works if itâs about characters you like legitimately ship.
which i mean i havenât really thought about it yet but i canât say i doâŚ? i donât think?
tbf it is really rare for me to like. actually ship something. idk. i just tried to write out like 3 different sentences explaining what i mean and failed each time. so.
update i came back after making a few more notes: basically i think saying âthis only works if you ship themâ makes it sound like i dislike them as a pairing which i Donât. but itâs like. itâs like fanservice for a very lowkey borderline fan. likeâŚ. an autographed setlist from a band where your only opinion of them is âplays on the speakers sometimes while in the grocery store and it makes for an ok shopping experienceâ anyway now that theyâre talking logistics further on iâm finding it a bit more entertaining.
âweâre not fucking wrestlersâ WRESTLING MENTIONNNNNNN
do they make heated rivalry but for wrestling. better yet. do they make heated rivalry but Specifically for lucha.
for someone whose stories that they write contain a whole lotta Nothing (read: characters just talking and thinking) i sure am being impatient in this instance iâm like goddamn can something Happen please as if this isnât literally exactly what i do except itâs about romantic relationships instead of like suicidal ideation or whatever
[INT. WEâRE FUCKIN. TENDER STYLE.]
ok im back to not being cured bc ill admit i did close my eyes. itâs the same as pausing a bunch or muting or fast forwarding except this one is a response from Me and not something i do to my phone as i watch so itâs like very difficult to not do. sorry :(
[EXT. LAKE.]
glad 2 see we r wearing shoes in the water. always wear shoes in the water gang. preferably a hard soled water shoe. there r creatures down there and also sharp stuff. ask me how i know </3
âbeen ringing all morningâ FUCK NOW SHANEâS DAD IS DEAD. kidding. assuming his parents found out heâs not on a silent retreat. whoâd have thunk
âpasstaâ no comment
i sense foreboding in the air. i sense it. why are we shooting from the dark interior of the house looking outward. hm.
WELL.
is it too much to hope that this is scott hunter. fuck it maybe itâs kipâs dad. heâs cool.
oh ok could b worse. could be better certainly. (for instance kipâs dad) but like. could also be worse
first thing thatâs made me laugh out loud in the show thus far: shaneâs dad up and fuckin driving away without saying a word. man was not equipped to have this conversation
âso much for easing them into itâ he couldâve showed up mid plow session dude. there r worse timelines.
in a way i feel like ive brought this upon them. i was Just wishing for something to Happen. and something has indeed happened !
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
besties ur never gonna guess. peloton lied to me yet again.
[INT. THE NORMAL CAR]
i donât think iâve commented on very much visual stuff this ep but i do reallly love a warm color palette and also a rearview mirror shot so there have that
[INT. SHANEâS PARENTSâ HOUSE]
maybe itâs bc ive had an extremely terribly dissociated day and am now feeling ~kinda fuckin weird~ but this is the second time iâve laughed out loud (tho admittedly not as big as the funniest thing to ever happen ever, which was shaneâs dad high tailin it out of there) in this show.
nobody:
ilya: hi â˘_â˘
i know (at least i think) that people really donât like shaneâs mom but im sorry guys you (and by you i mean me) canât help who you fall in love with
shane and myâs mindlink is back bc i too absolutely despise the word lover. up there in my top 10 least favorite words like actually
(u know whatâs funny i used that word earlier in these very notes. itâs incredibly context dependent)
âwe canât just come out and like announce itâ does my lifelong enemy scott hunterâs recent establishment of gay rights mean nothing to you
[EXT. SHANEâS PARENTSâ HOUSE]
so recently my lore drops were mutual approved
anyway when i came out to my parents as a lesbian i was 15 in johns hopkins inpatient eating disorders unit. and it was our first session of family therapy for this particular hospital stay (i had been in general psych inpatient before, but not ED inpatient, anyway) and my mom at one point asked me if i developed an eating disorder for A Boy.
and i laughed kind of hysterically and went âjesus CHRIST. no.â and then explained that im a lesbian (which is kinda funny bc i was hooking up with this particular guy at this very same time and would continue to do so for the next couple years)
and my parents initially did not believe me. probably due to them suspecting the existence of the aforementioned male fwb.
but then eventually they did believe me. and my dad goes. âok so is it for a girl thenâ
ANYWAY back to the show
why do people dislike shaneâs mom. did i make that up in my mind. did i invent this. am i the problem. am i the drama.
help iâm getting distracted by beautiful women again. hold on im trying 2 spell gorjus
[INT. SHANEâS PARENTS HOUSE. AND WEâRE ALL EATING PASSTA. WELL. MOST OF US ARE.]
âhave you talked to scott hunter?â questions they ask me before they lead me into the torture chamber
[CREDITS TIME. WE R IN THE CAR]
every time he glances away from the road my old heart murmur acts up
âcomposer: peter peterâ âŚ.ok
ok final thots 2 come later love u byeeeee














