#howytom

also i think my favorite part so far is in cat fingers where steven is like “i’ll never get to marry y/n! 😭” and y/n just like doesn’t react all lmaoooo its so funny me. like just listen to him bbgirl he’s clearly in love with you

I remember sometime in 2020 there was this SU x Reader I really liked where it was actually a Steven x Reader and not another character, but the author discontinued and deleted it :,). I’ve always wanted to post this fic, but in all honesty, I was concerned about getting hate since it felt like you couldn’t openly like Steven Universe online anymore. It seems like the general hate has died down, which is nice (I also just stopped caring about the hate, all my readers are awesome). Plus, my writing style has improved so much that writing HOWYTOM back when I was barely starting middle school wouldn’t have done it any justice, it definitely wouldn’t have been as good as it is now.

The whole moss thing gets better explained later in the story, but it’s pretty much its Y/N own thoughts and feelings about herself manifesting through her powers. She thinks she needs to be punished for being born and being the cause of the end of Moissanite’s life. It’s a thought that lingers in the back of her mind constantly. Where the story currently is, Y/N assumes Moissanite would hate her if they did ever get the chance to meet. She’s slowly realizing her assumptions are wrong.

Pearl’s perspective is going to take longer to dive into because of all the extra baggage she has with PD, Rose, and Moissanite.

Amethyst and Garnet are the ones making the first step to have a relationship with “the new Y/N”. Pearl is a little more caught up with her own issues. And Steven’s striving now with Y/N. He’s back to being the only person she trusts (helped by the fact they fused and she could hear his thoughts for a while)

LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT

I love Y/N in this chapter, she’s mad and I love it (wow, that sounds questionable) and she snaps at the gems AND Steven

Yes, she calls out on how the gems talk more about Rose than Mossanite (it’s almost like favoritism..)

I love how we see some of Y/N’s thoughts like how she

“Yeah, you're glad it happened.” Damn, girl

“I love him, but he's so dumb sometimes. Anyone could say the sky is going to turn purple and he'd believe them” literally how my own Oc sees him at times, even though they grew up as siblings together

Also I love Lapis and Y/N, Lapis (maternally i think) loved Y/N so much that she made water clones to ward off the water tower and she helped Y/N Im tap into her gem

So, Y/N’s officially gaining traits I always planned for her to have.

I wanted the chapter to end on a sweeter note, originally it was supposed to end with Y/N isolating in her greenhouse and grieving the fact that after everything that’s happened with Lapis and the brief vision she had of Moissanite, she’s still stuck in the same place she was in before.

She was 100% going to leave with Lapis, the only thing stopping her was Steven. Despite feeling betrayed by him, she still loves Steven.

Steven is both her anchor and her chain.

Right now, she’s…unsure how she feels about Steven. Yeah, she loves him and all, but now she’s doubting if it’s a good idea to tell Steven things. If she feels like the Gems are being fake and pretending to suddenly care about her, should she even bother telling Steven. What if he just goes behind her back and tells them what she said?

Y/N’s issues aren’t going to be magically fixed. Next few chapters, the Gems are going to basically be lovebombing her and she’s not going to genuinely accept their efforts because they feel shallow. She’s learning to lie to protect herself. She’s learning that the only person she can trust is herself.

Lapis was starting to become Y/N’s mother figure, hence Ruby being pissed. (Ruby and Lapis beef coming soon one day)

Lapis knows the hole Y/N’s going down. Lapis is the only person that understands the pain Y/N’s suffering from, the fear she’s feeling.

Y/N isn’t going to get better, not in season 1. The Gems aren’t going to magically become better parental figures. And Steven is actively going to get worse.

I also realized that [Name] has such a bad self-image that I feel like when Steven and she fuse it won't last, [Name] will feel like she doesn't belong and it will destabilize the fusion.

Y/N’s relationship with the Gems isn’t perfect (it will get better eventually), but they do still cared about and love her. And she cares about and love them. They just don’t show it as much as she needs them to, and Pearl’s still working through her own issues involving Moissanite, she’s just slowly learning that whatever beef she has with Moissanite has literally nothing to do with Y/N.

There’s only two people that actively and openly love Y/N (and she does believe they love and care for her): Steven and Greg. (And Ruby, but we haven’t met her yet)

I haven’t done the best job portraying this yet, but Greg babysat Y/N A LOT. Especially during the winter and days where it was too hot or too rainy for her to be outside. Only reason Y/N lived at the Temple and not with Greg and Steven was for two reason:

1. Greg could not handle TWO newborn-6 year olds in one van without having a panic attack

2. Ruby Garnet did not want to let someone else take Y/N away. Sapphire Garnet has seen Y/N’s future, she knows there’s a high probability of Y/N being happy and living a good life in her care, hence why she doesn’t see much wrong with her current parenting style.

And yeah, Y/N’s self esteem is pretty much nonexistent right now...around the Gems. I’ve been going out of my way to change the way I write Y/N, she’s still isn’t the most confident person, but she’s a lot more comfortable around humans (and of course Steven). Steven is doing a lot of heavy lifting in getting Y/N to come out of her shell. She’ll be more likely to be open to being herself when she’s around humans. It’s in her relationship with the Gem’s where her insecurities stem from.

Y/N thinks she’s doing just fine…as a human. As a gem, she’s weak, powerless and in a constant state of confusion and anxiety. This is a trait that gets shown better in the next few chapters.

Yes am I this dedicated to this fic.

Inspiration/Base:

Some random angst that’ll come up at some point. Maybe in the ✨Future✨