#howtobeanalien

Extract: ‘My cat keeps visiting you,’ she said firmly. ‘I know,’ I replied. ‘I started feeding her not realising that I was not supposed to do so. Too late now. She expects to be fed.’ ‘That’s all right,’ said the kind lady. ‘We can share her from now on.’ She added: ‘This would have been a tragedy two years ago. I have a son who just adored that cat. But he is fourteen now and he has reached an age when he is more interested in girls than in cats.’ ‘That’s perfect timing,’ I told her, ‘because I have reached an age when I’m getting more interested in cats than in girls.’

So we shared Tsi-Tsa. That’s how I got hold of half a cat. Friends started guessing which half of her belonged to me. The Tsi or the Tsa? There were some ribald suggestions that it was the Tsa. Then difficulties arose in her original home: a new tenant on the ground floor kept locking the door against her and she could not get in and out. She got fed up with that and moved over to me completely.