Oh, how I loathe thee...
There are lots of things that people decide to withhold from you when you have a baby, and one of those delightful things is how to deal with the ugly feeling of resentment.
Believe me, it is a real thing! It is a real emotion, and it can be over powering.
The amount of times I spent in the nursery with a screaming newborn in those wee hours thinking to myself just how much I hated my husband and just how I resented him, resented him with every ounce of being that I had! ( Just for the record, I LOVE Him, more than any love I could ever know).
That feeling is real. In those early days, weeks, mixed in with sleep deprivation, breast feeding issues, exhaustion, hormones, crying babies, hungry neglected pets, shower-less parents who at times appear homeless in their appearance, let me tell you, that feeling of resentment is right there!
I did have a period of resentment towards my husband, and my daughter, I won’t lie. At times I almost blamed him for even having a baby in the first place. Blamed him for the hardship we all went through, blamed him for the overbearing feelings I was feeling, blamed him for my sleep deprivation, blamed him for all the worlds problems, and truly, truly resented him! Such a deep seeded emotion that came from only the almighty one himself knows!
I am also here to not only scare you into awareness of what one is capable of feeling, but to reassure you that in time that feeling does indeed disappear.
Having a baby wreaks havoc with your hormones, and seriously in those moments I honestly believed I could never loathe a person as much as I did my Husband and Daughter. I honestly thought I was going to get in the car one day and leave, just drive away and you know what, would it be so bad if I never returned?! Except for the need to feed a baby, all of my possessions were there, most importantly my dog was still there, and, oh yeah, I really do Love these people, my people, my family!
