#howellestersquad

“Do you think i should tell them? Our followers i mean? It has been a while since we started dating”

Phil hesitated before looking up at his roommate. He couldn’t tell him what was really going on in his mind, Dan seemed in peace with whatever was going on in his life right now, a rare phenomena to be honest “I don’t think our manager would like that. The phandom,” Phil exaggerated the words, smiling sarcastically, “would go bonkers”

Dan scowled. That was not the question. He needed advice from his best friend now, not a fellow colleague.  “If the numbers mean so much to you,” Dan rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Phil, I’m going to bed”

Phil didn’t respond. He waited for Dan to leave, then dropped his face to his hands, balls of his palm digging into his eyes. He tried his best not to cry Soon, he gave up and went to his room.

Dan was furious. He changed into his pajamas, leaving a mess of black clothes on the floor. What the fuck sort of response was that? Did he really want subscribers more than he wanted Dan happy? Dan’s angry rush of thoughts came to a halt. Would telling people finally make him happy?

He climbed under his duvet, pulling it up to cover as much of him possible without suffocating himself. As he wrapped his arms around the pillow beside him, nestling in to prepare for the absurd rush of thoughts that would torment him for most of the night, his thoughts wondered back to Phil. But this time it was thoughts of his stupid laugh, the one around which you didn’t know if you were laughing at him or with him. It suddenly occurred to him he hasn’t seen that laugh in a while. The ones on camera didn’t count, Phil was a good actor, he laughed on cue as heartily as the moment required. Whenever he wasn’t filming a gaming video or editing them, he was out with Megan. Why did Phil react like that?

Phil woke up with a headache the next morning. The rims of his eyes were reddened. He put on his glasses and walked hazily to the bathroom. He looked at the mirror, then suddenly remembered last night. “Oh fuck.” 

Dan was already awake, he seemed to barely sleep these days.  “Cereal?” Dan asked, smiling. “Obviously,” Phil stared at Dan, assessing his mood before continuing. “I;m sorry about last night. That was unnecessary.” “It was,” Dan stated, simply. “Do you want to tell them?”  “I don’t know..” Dan trailed off. He looked thoughtful. Phil wondered what changed his mind, he seemed optimistic yesterday. Was it his fault?  The walked to the lounge and put on the episode they stopped on yesterday morning. 

Dan finished his cereal and got up. “The episode isn’t over yet where are you off to?” “I’m supposed to meet Megan. She wants me to come along to buy her dog. She is so excited,” Dan smiled. “Pretty sure it will extend to a lunch date so don’t wait up.” “She wouldn’t be your girlfriend without a ridiculous obsession with dogs,” Phil responded.

Hey guys! I have been on hiatus for a couple months. Some of you may have noticed. I believe you guys deserve a reason for my absence because you are all so wonderful to me. So, the main reason for my leaving tumblr is that I was going through something in my life where I just didn't really have motivation to do anything. I felt stuck and depressed and nothing really made me feel better so I decided to take a break from some of my daily activities. Over my time gone I traveled to France and found myself and now I am back. I’ve never felt better about life until now. If you have any questions feel free to hit up my inbox!