#howbadcanitbe

It’s also not easy when the so-called hero ruins all of your detailed plans. One after another. There is not a day you do not come up with another evil master plan. Only for Captain Sassypants to ruin them again.

Sometimes you got the feeling Captain America chose to be your nemesis. He’s a little too cheerful whenever you have a face-off with the golden boy. Damn that man. Steve getting on your nerves Rogers always tries to talk you into becoming a hero. Or at least not to commit crimes.

Like hell. Captain Rogers may have mopped the floor with you more than once. But you will not give in. Not for him. Not for your family. Not for anything in the world.

He’s strong, you give him that.

Last time he threw you through the wall, bruising more than your ego. Your lower back and ass hurt for over a week. It sucks that villains don’t have health insurance.

You huff as you remember your last encounter with him. He tried to talk you into giving up. Steve Rogers put his hands on his belt, puffed his chest, and gave yet another boring speech about giving up on the dark side.

As if that motherfucker knows anything about you, your past, and the shit you have been through. Villains aren’t born darling; they are made. You had no choice but to turn dark.

“Boss!” you groan as one of your minions, let’s call him Eager Beaver No. 1 (you just don’t have the time to keep up with names) runs into your office. Or rather your fortress of solitude.

Take that, Superman. I just stole your favorite place. What do you want to do? Burn my ass with your eyes. 😐

“What is it? I told you not to disturb me unless the world ends, or you come up with a better plan than burning the Avengers tower down. Arson is my favorite tool to create destruction," you grin. “So, what is it?”

“We got him!” Eager Beaver No. 2 eagerly tells you, much to Eager Beaver No. 1’s dismay. “I captured Captain America!”

You choke on the air. “What?”

“We captured Captain America!”

“Don’t fuck with me,” you grunt. “If you try to be funny, you're not. I got better things to do than listen to your nonsense again, Eager Beaver No. 2. You’ll not get dinner if you lie to me again.”

“Boss, we got him,” entrance Eager Beaver No. 3. “Did the others already tell you? It’s done. Your nemesis is in our hands.”

You watch your minions look at you. Where did you find them again? On a rummage table for useless minions? You swear on all that’s holy to you, they are the worst minions ever.

“Fine. I’m listening.”

“We brought him to the dungeon,” Eager Beaver No. 3 gets his phone out to show you a picture of Steve Rogers restrained on the wall. “See, I sent it to all of your rivals too.”

“Wait-what?” you snatch the phone out of your minion’s hands. “Why is there a 💩shit emoji on Captain America’s face? No one will recognize him, you idiot.”

“Sorry, boss. But you said his hairstyle looks like shit last time,” your minion defends his creative work. “We still got him. Right?”

“How did you even get your hands on him?” you wonder aloud. It can’t be that your minions got hold of Captain America while you failed every time. “Did you use one of my weapons? Maybe the incredible stunner…”

“No. He was distracted. Captain America fought a new villain and—”

You jerk your head toward Eager Beaver No. 1. “He fought a new villain,” you growl. “How dare he! I’m the villain he must fight. Not some wannabe bitch.”

You storm toward the door, huffing as your minions follow you hot on your heels.

 “Boss, I think the villain started this. Captain America just fought back.”

“I don’t care! Captain America is my nemesis. No bitch comes to my town and steals my nemesis. They can get in line or look for someone else. Who do they think they are?”

“They call themselves Minerva or something,” Eager Beaver No. 2 points out. “She wears all gold and uh—her costume is very…nice...and sexy.”

“I don't care," you snap at your minion. “She can run around naked. Captain Sassypants is my nemesis. Period. If anyone kills him, it’s me.”

You take a deep breath to calm your nerves. This is the moment you have been waiting for for so long.

“Boss, do you want us to-“ you jerk your head toward your minion. “Uh-we are going to wait upstairs. Holler if you need us.”

“Sure. Take a day off. You did a good job.”

“Thanks…boss…” your minions run off when you unlock the door to the dungeon.

You put on your biggest grin as you enter the dungeon to watch Captain America sit on the floor. He has his long legs stretched out. He leans his back against the wall as you step toward him.

“Aw, look what the cat dragged into my house,” you crouch down to get a better look at the captain haunting your dreams. "You're hurt.”

You gape at Captain America. His left cheek is bruised, his lips are split, and his neck looks like someone attempted to strangle him. “I thought no human could hurt you like this.”

His silence is unusual as you reach out to touch his forehead. You didn’t even make him bleed during all of your encounters and now there is a cut on his forehead.

“You need to let me go. War is taking place out there. They need me. We can settle our score later,” he coughs. It almost sounds like he’s having trouble breathing properly.

“Who is fucking with our town again, Cappy?” you mutter. “Where is your shield?”

“They broke it,” he says. His voice sounds broken. It’s the first time you hear him so…hopeless. “I never thought someone would be able to do so.”

“Well, lucky you,” you snap your fingers, using your powers to free Steve off the chains holding him to the ground. You offer your hand to him to help Steve up. “I got a brand-new shield for you, Captain.”

“Why?”

When Steve takes your hand, you ask, "Why what?"

“Why are you helping me?” he asks. “You’re my nemesis.”

“I don’t,” you grin. “I will beat that bitch coming to my town to steal my nemesis into a pulp and later, we will settle our score.”

“Of course, we will,” he jumps up, taking you by surprise. “You’re all too eager to get your hands on me again, huh?”

Ah. There he is. Captain Sassypants.

“Let’s find you a new shield and fix the mess you call your face. I’ll send some of my robots to help your friends in the meantime."

“You would make such an excellent hero." You press your index finger to his lips, making him grunt as you are not in the mood for one of his speeches.

“Don’t. I’m a villain for a reason, Captain. As you roughly grip his chin, you say, "I'm neither your friend nor your ally. We will never be on the same side. I just don’t like people coming to my town to claim they are the biggest badass. That’s my job.”

He grins now. “I expect you to try to kill me on Monday, ma’am.”

“Don’t call me ma’am or you won’t make it out of this dungeon alive…”

>> Part 2