My sister has her own live radio show. Itās one of the extra curriculars she participates in on her college campus. I canāt give too many more details, just for the sake of my anonymity. Itās a great show! And Iām so very proud of her. I try to listen when I can but I donāt always get to. It airs on the weekends, which can be busy for me after I work fifty ish hours throughout the week.Ā
Her theme changes week to week. The last one, so help me, wasĀ ālove songs.ā I put in a request the day before her show was to air forĀ āsit next to meā by Foster the People. Not the original, the new reworked version. Iāve always enjoyed the original. Itās dance able, while being thoughtful in itās own way. If you slow down for a minute, listen to the lyrics, and meditate on them, youāll see that itās a totally underrated song. The rework takes these deeper, more thoughtful themes and expands upon them in such a beautiful way.Ā
I sent my sister a link to this version and less than a minute later she had already formed a hard opinion.Ā
āHe just wants me to sit next to himā
āNow he wants to take me home?ā
āI donāt think he loves meā
Then one minute later she sent a couple more texts.
āBut not what Iād call a love songā
Sheās a music person too. I know she is! How could she not get it? I sat there lost in my head for a few minutes. Cell phone still open. Whether or not she played the song didnāt matter. Itās her two hours and I respect that. Her decisions are fine by me. For whatever reason, I just needed her to hear what I was hearing.Ā
āIdk... there are deeper themes/meanings to explore here. Iāve always thought that. The rework highlights it nicely. He keeps sadly sayingĀ āitās alright.ā I think he *might* love her but for whatever reasons heās settling. So itās not a song about two people being annoyingly, unrealistically, stupidly in love. But you shouldnāt dismiss it so quickly and say itās definitely not a love song.ā
My sister didnāt play the song. Itās fine by me. Thatās not why Iām putting all of this out there.
After I sent my pathetic text of a rebuttal I stared down at my phone for a second in disbelief. I felt. I cared. Even if it was just about a song. Weeks and months after drifting through everything... there I was. I had imagined a moment like that to be overwhelming. It wasnāt, not really. It snuck up on me and I wasnāt sure how I felt. About feeling things again. If that makes sense. Iām still puzzling it out. First I need to accomplish some of my goals. I need some more time to chill in my apartment, and only leave for work. I need to learn how to live again. I need to trust myself enough to. I need to become a smarter, more trustworthy person who knows how to listen to her head.Ā
So... first things first. Those things will come. Now I know that Iām still capable of caring. Iām still able to look out the window and see colors. Maybe Iāll rediscover more of these things when Iām ready. It does help to know that.Ā
Thatās what I wanted to share. Hope is one of the few things that are real. It will never give up on you. So donāt give up on yourself.
Goodnight friends. Sending love and positivity. Always.Ā