Fun fact I used to be so sick and fucked up I couldn't even do like ANYTHING and had dissociative episodes and psychosis and didn't think I was that sick or needed help and was seriously hurting people BADLY (which I will not use my illness as an excuse for because no nothing excuses it) and just. So, so fucking sick and I didn't even know it. My memories from that time are all fucked up and my personality was totally different and erratic and just ugh ugh ugh I didn't think I was even going to survive I was so awful and so miserable and suffering so much and hurting people so badly and was just so messed up. So more messed up than I posted about and talked about being or ever realized and I just. Ugh I am so fucking glad I got out of there you don't even know every single day of my healthier life is a fucking blessing and that sounds corny as fuck but IDK how else to describe it. I actually get to stop saying "it'll get better" and say "it got better" and I just want everyone to know how this feels and everyone to find hope even of they have to make it themselves because the world won't fucking give them any reason to hope. I got lucky but so much of it was my own fighting and kicking my own ass and I am so proud of myself and so excited for the future you have no idea and I will never forget that I have fucked up beyond repair and hurt people either I will carry that for the rest of my life and I will carry it RIGHT and it will be okay.
