#honestyhour.

“a giant panda. i’m dead serious about this spirit beast, alright? they’re so damn cool, man! they’re super strong on the inside and they’re the best, and all they wanna do is live their own lives with no stress and eat, like, 40% of their body weight. they’re just so chill.”

“… yeah. yeah… recently, too. but… it was – it’s my fault. i don’t want to get into the details, but it is … and that just sucks. a lot. but people are dealing with it every day, so…! it’s.. okay. i’ll deal with it my own way.”

"If I didn't I think I'd be a pretty big hypocrite considering I just recently got a third or fourth chance from those closest to me." River laughs and shakes their head at the depreciation. "I believe in giving as many chances as you think someone deserves and maybe even learning how you can support them or help them in anyway on their journey to get better or learn how to be a better person. Because if you love and care about someone, you can't think in black and white. You are on a journey with that person whether you're growing with them, teaching them, or maybe just learning from them." They shrugged hoping it made sense as it spilled from their brain out of their mouth. "I have had to learn (and am still learning) a lot of humility and how to accept that help from people and I'm still not even good at it, but I'm trying. I can't tell other people to lean on their support system and be honest, if I'm not doing it myself. Especially when not using that support system has proven to be very dangerous for me personally."

"By far it's my urge to creative and ability to follow through with it consistently again. For the past several years my ability to write lyrics, like a full song, had been touch and go and basically non-existent the past four years at least and the same goes for music. On top of everything else I've been feeling, that has been a whole new level of personal hell." They paused to sigh. "Not only did I lose my main outlet of expression and passion, but I also feel like I let both Moth and Fox down as well. I inadvertently killed our collective dream because I haven't been able to put the work in and because of their undying loyalty, that I have no clue what I did to deserve, they have stuck with me whether we're performing regularly or making music or not. It made me feel horrible and it feels good to have something to offer them again. It also feels good to have that outlet to work through some of the feelings accompanying these changes." @notanactualmoth @fox-lennox

"I've been told I get sassy most of the time, lots of bitchy insults thrown out and some hand movements." They laughed trying to mimic it. For the most part that's what happens. River will cuss someone out and walk away, likely with at least one middle finger in the air. When someone is physically hurting someone else, especially if it's someone they care about they have been known to get violent if only to direct the assault onto themselves or push them off/separate the people.

"Biggest regret would probably be trying an opiate to begin with, I don't think any of the other stuff would have happened if I never would have found out what they felt like." They stand by that and it wasn't anyone's fault but their own. River was never some naïve kid that got peer pressured into doing some strange drug. Even though they did it in Seattle they knew about everything long before they left New Orleans.

“However many @emmalineotterly needs to sleep. I could sleep with one or even none at times, but my girl likes blankets, and pillows, lots of pillows.” 

Whoa. this is deep. Uuh? Not having sex anymore? I don’t know?