What the hell happened to 2010? I remember 2010 like it was just the other day ā drafting 100 unique New Yearās texts to everyone in my phone for disbursal come 2009ās midnight. The resulting cascade of responses to my texts did wonders in kicking off last year.
Now itās 20!! and itās time to figure out where I mucked up last year, what I can't learn from it, and by the way, who can I contact to get a drink in this damn place?
Donāt Get Short with Me!
After deciding I wanted to get a poem published, I went online to play the role of predator. On the hunt for a place to display my writing, I went to Craigslist to take advantage of somebody, because thatās what Craigslist was created for. I quickly found a community that not only liked my poem but paid to use it. Very nice, I thought, I should do this more often. I then proceeded to add nothing more to the realm of poetry for the rest of the year.
Instead, I kept a lazy eye on the āWriting gigsā part of Craigslist, and was able to land a stint making fun of Dead Celebrities and their ridiculous propensity to aggrandize their real estate needs and overshoot the idea of āwantā. That landed me some more scratch/cashflow, bringing the yearās total to $200. I am hoping to multiply that tenfold in 20!!.Ā I'veĀ already submitted a short story for a national competition that will equal that tenfold goal if it slips through the cracks into first place. Keep your panties crossed.
Soccer and Volleyball skills
Iāve got āem, and you canāt have āem. I set a goal with Zhang it! for our team of two to become the best sand volleyball doubles team in our county. While we definitely arenāt ā we had a pretty paltry record in the menās summer league ā we are well respected on the circuit as up-and-coming, piss-and-vinegar types. When Zhang it! steps onto the court, the opponents feel slow and the sand shivers. When I step onto the court, Zhang it! feels slow, my thighs quiver, and the Sun hits the snooze button.
Zhang it!: Pre-game Volleyball Warmup
I play a lot of soccer on some very good teams. This is not necessarily because I play at an elite level, but because 6-pack (Michigan Mike) is an elite goalie and I am his +1. Because I am playing with good people against great people, I have gotten much better quite quickly and fancy myself a defensive presence. What that means is up to interpretation.
I helped write and then acted in a short film that represented Ciscoās North Carolina campus in a company-wide film competition for my organization (Information Technology.) We created four versions, from vanilla to X-rated, and were able to borrow the campus film studio to record as if we were important. It was quite an experience to see myself onscreen when they showed the video to our campus, especially since afterword people came up to me squinting in what I took as both diss and approval. While Iām not yet the face of Cisco, Iām definitely some lesser glanced at body part.
āYour body is speaking Spanish to meā
I lackadaisically pursued body language knowledge this last year. I took a training course at work on Communication that had a section on non-verbals and I am reading a collection of words published by a former FBI body language expert. Iāve made prolonged eye contact with several people throughout the year, but the jury is still out on how badly I creeped them out. Iāve discovered the easiest way to instantly offend someone is to tell them they have the body language of a walking stick.
You know what you are? A Homowner
Being 6-packās +1 has escalated my emasculation to the point of no return. Granted, when buying a house with another male, questions are sure to arise. What are your intentions with this man? Where do you get off? Whoās your interior decorator? Hereās how we answered those questions: Our intentions are intentional, we would like to buy this pool and if the house comes with itā¦ so be it. We get off most days between 5 and 6 PM Eastern, when we take the bus we get off whenever the bus driver isnāt looking, and when we engage in interstellar spaceflight we get off when the aliens tell us to get off. And our interior decoration is determined by Science with the undying support of our parentās favorite jeans.
We made it through the entire house purchase process without any colorful commentary. Then, when we got a check from the old homeowners to fix a few small issues, they made the check out to 6-pack and wife: Wesley King. 2010 was the year of the homowner and the year my gender was tossed into a blender andĀ FrappĆ©d like my ankles when I wear stilettos.Ā
I will next be posting my goals for 20!!, one of which is to help others complete theirs, so holla at me if you want my support!
