#homesic

So today I am writing this because I am horribly homesick right now. Last night I had a dream about someone close to be back in the States and I woke up, feeling a little empty. After I got done using Skype with my parents I felt worse than before I used Skype with them. I just don't feel good today.

I know this is normal for exchange students but I still don't like it. The longing that sits in your soul. The urge to just sit and cry. Wanting to remove the mask and show people that today you aren't doing okay.

But I still keep it on. Partly because I know no here is going to understand and partly because I know that it will pass. But it makes me wonder, will I ever see Brazil as my home? Or will just I just look at it as the country I spent a year in and nothing else? How should I look it?

What is worse is that I had a friend who was more like a brother to me. Unfortunately we had a bit of a falling out and now we don't have any kind of relationship. This would be so much easier with him here but, well, I kinda messed that up. 

So now I am sitting in front of a laptop that I burrowed from my Mexican friend and writing all of this down. And after, I will put back on the mask. I will be the happy American and act like nothing is wrong.