trying very hard to resist the urge to continue my years-long pattern of disappearing from my social media account entirely and then coming back in a few months on a new account without deleting the old one because I always start off with a little more confidence and then inevitably keep deciding I'm afraid of people again but I'm also afraid of closing the door on past selves/deleting memories.
plus i have like 20-30 email accounts and google won't let me connect any more accounts to my phone number and I think all of those already have tumblr accounts attached to them so it would be tedious to continue on this way with outlook or whatever.
but also now I know I have ocd and this is my first time recognizing this as a compulsive behavior. like i knew it wasn't normal but... idk I hate my ocd and I feel like I talk about it way too much since getting diagnosed but I just keep realizing more and more that many of my typical behaviors are actually compulsions. and that also makes me want to isolate more because I feel ashamed of myself for acting the way I do and I feel like I shouldn't be around people until I've figured out all my shit. but that of course is also the ocd talking...
