#hm sad

          he’s been away for about a week now.  there is nothing too high stakes about this;  just some surveillance,  gathering information,  mingling in things that require his language skills.  it is a role he is familiar in playing,  a new persona,  pretending to be someone that he is not.  they give him a simple file for a simple identity and he has to wash away everything else,  put it all in the back of his head and focus on the singularity of the mission.  

           but at night,  he is himself.  he is roman bragin,  and he is tired,  and he is still tired of being sent around the world to play a part that forces him to forget to things that he loves.  it is not forbidden,  but it is frowned upon.  still  --  he picks up the phone and dials her number anyway,  on a line that is secure.  it rings,  and it rings,  and he knows that it’s early there,  and he is just about to hang up when she answers.  

           “  --  hi.  “  is what he says first,  and her are you okay?  quickly comes after.  “  i’m fine.  “  he pauses,  presses his cheek against the screen.  “  --  i just wanted to call you before i went to bed.  “  there is a quiet pause from her;  he hears the rustling of the sheets,  her sitting up.  roman waits for her to say something back,  and when she does,  her voice sounds a little more relaxed.  okay.  everything is going okay,  then?  

           “  it’s going okay.  “  he promises.  voice still quiet,  he tells her about the weather where he is without telling her where exactly he’s located.  she tells him about what she has been doing along with shilah,  about where they’ve gone,  what they will do the next couple days.  it is a comfort,  at least,  to know she isn’t alone.  because across the world from her,  he feels the ache in his chest being so apart.  

            “  do you think  --  “  he doesn’t want to ask.  she finishes that gap for him.  do you want me to stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep?  he doesn’t answer right away,  a little ashamed at himself.  she continues,  trying to ease him into it.  think it’ll work,  tiger?  

shut up, the childish, angry thing in him wants to snap. it’s there, though. radiating off him in quiet sniffles and pacing feet. what if he told matt that loneliness followed him everywhere? “ i, um, wanted to pray, but i – ” fresh tears well up in his eyes. “ my hands won’t stop shakin’. ”

                    for a moment she can’t quite rip her eyes away from her shaking fingers, the breaths escaping her lungs short and stifled, like there just isn’t enough AIR in the world to fill them. at ben’s words she forces herself to look up at him, a wavering smile forced onto her lips that far from reaches her eyes. “ i know, ” evie agrees with him, a too-high titter of laughter accompanying that only turns into a hiccup and then a sob. SHE TRIES SO HARD. evie tries so hard to be just like every other auradon princess, poised and perfect and normal, but somehow something like this ALWAYS comes along to ruin it. “ you were dead. a d-dream. nightmare. there was a—– a poison apple. i’m sorry. I- I- I’M FINE. it’s okay. ”