#hisheadcanons

Disclaimer: Even though there are numerous studies even at present, and with psychology always changing, this post will only be dealing with the five most recognized love languages and how they fair in Muu's every day life / core values.

Gift Giving: The least of all the love languages that Muu will often willingly participate on. Even with all the years that have past, he still so vividly can recall the heartbreak of watching items he both worked on and poured his love into be dismantled or discussed in a disgusted manner in his late teens / early twenties that he actively goes out of his way of letting history repeat itself as much as possible. To receive a gift from him is one of the greatest indicators that he finds one's company to be a safe haven, but know that right can and will be revoked at any time the opposite has been even slightly announced to him.

Physical Touch: Another one low on the pole until he is most certain physical and emotional harm is off the table, this one too carries with a heavy burden from the past. It is to be noted that around the time in which his name took on the label of being a predatory individual, he had both already endured and would go on to experience more trauma of the sexual nature that he had no clear cut idea of how to go about handling at an already lonesome and abandoned time in his life. Even kissing, an active of love he so wholesomely gave out at every whim of a merry heart back in the day is solemnly acted upon in his adult age.

It aids him no further that he carries the added hinderance of feeling as though both his body and his touch are grotesque. That he would perhaps injure those around him with an experience akin to being burned on the surface of their own person should he have unwisely connected their livelihoods without properly assuring such a thing was the right and available thing to do. He's never the one to make the first move in a dance of affection, and yet it is the starvation of his soul that leaves him as the last to let go.

Words of Affirmation: Unsatisfactory moments in time proved to taint this one as well over the years; however, in some twisted manner Muu would feel appreciation towards many down the line. He is not one to state 'I love you' so simply. Instead choosing to suggest such a manner of thought in a way that is very personal and unique to the individual he is professing towards. He grew to hear himself being referred to as being a flatline-- one in which that made all in his life feel so uncannily the same in terms of importance ( or a lack thereof really) that it grew to be no surprise when love turned to sour resentment and hurt across the way well down the line. Fearful of being thought as being that once more, the male is plenty guilty of applying what studying he can into ensuring his recognition of those around him are based not on what they do for him, but instead the value they bring to his life for no reason other than the admiration he holds for them as a soul within a person he's so thankful to have met.

Quality Time: There is something to be said about a young man who knows so much of being made to feel like an unsatisfactory blip in someone's life, and yet knows no bounds in wishing for greater success for his own worth time and time again. Muu is not oblivious to the fact that his fearfulness and tremendous lack of self esteem makes him not only a bore in comparison to far more exciting people to be around, but that it also comes with the added work of having not only tolerate time spent with him, but to also manage it as well. And while it can be so easy to adjust to the idea that little can be gained from settling with someone who, at most, might only exchange the words 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' to you with little else between as he resides so heavily in survival mode even in the least of threatening company, know that beneath that all he is so hopelessly ecstatic at being chosen that every little bit of nurturing that goes on within those moments will and can build up to a time well spent with the joyfully authentic version of a heart waiting to envelop you in every glimmer of love it is plenty capable of radiating. There's a worthwhile person in there underneath all the timid chatter and tears, he promises.

Acts of Service: The go to. The umpteenth 'perhaps this one will make me good enough' attempt at hopefully giving him the clearance to be loved unconditionally after many years of feeling anything but. He'll happily clean, cook, tend to, and be present at every beckon and call if it so means he'll be doing something right. At twenty five years of age, Muu holds no value to his personhood whatsoever. One can very easily acquire from him the belief that he is not on par with dirt, but rather one step below. It has become integral to his safety that he holds such strong negativity towards his existence, because any complaint in the past only drew forward more pain from those that implanted such an idea in his influential mind in the first place. Hold no hesitation in turning his acts of anxiousness back at him. Persistently inquire as to whether or not his helpfulness is rooted in genuine care for their wellbeing, or perhaps he is acting on the instinct that to do otherwise would be asking for danger to befall on his own.

Disclaimer: No, nobody did anything to preempt this, so no worries to anyone out there. It is more a sort of permission slip for any unsure writers out there on what to do about the Muu.

It is alright for muses to treat Muu like he is a "child". I will not behead anyone for any perceived ableism in that regard. In as much of a watered down version as I can offer, Muu is a developmentally and cognitively disabled muse who endured copious amounts of social and emotional trauma from those he looked to for guidance and companionship during the most formative years of his life-- therefore, he does hold a very juvenile manner of thought that one might find comparable to someone even below teenage years. Of his disabilities is AUTISM and with that comes the added challenge of being unable to really process out his feelings logically as is, because he is incredibly hypersensitive in that he FEELS his feelings rather than sort them via cognitive reasoning and internal monolog.

Whatever process one would traditionally use in an instance between two "average" in intelligence adults, I recommend throwing it into the trash. Especially due to the fact that while externally, Muu looks like this:

His inner pilot holds a better resemblance to this state of being when things are stressful / triggering (and go even younger when the instance is inappropriate in a manner he doesn't consent to, but that is a story for another time):

Indicators that any direction he is need of is on par with guidance offered to a younger demographic include, but are not limited to:

Consistent use of terminology such as "good boy" or the use of just "bad" to describe as anything other than what he believes proves himself to be in a positive light.

Be observant of comparisons being made and to what forms of media. For example, Muu has a consistent habit of describing the way he views himself as being the same bad level chart seen in Lilo and Stitch. Another example being his use of connecting his desire for comfort to how it is depicted in songs (Something Comforting) or films (Inside Out) while simultaneously backhandly applying the comment that he needs to earn those experiences through various methods of self improvement.

Lack of spacial awareness when upset-- mildly or otherwise. He often partakes in sitting in the laps of others no matter the age or size differences between them, because really all he is after is closeness and personal connection. As well as the fact that he may appear to be within proximity of having a fit / tantrum like behavior over not being able to receive the amount of affection when and from who he wants at the time. Redirection and distractions are completely advocated for in those instances. Do not allow his attitude to overstep even just once, because otherwise he will walk away having learnt that stomping his sunshine shoe wearing feet and whining are viable methods to get his way.

Methods I would personally suggest utilizing when it appears Muu is feeling and acting small:

It is more than alright to gently suggest he stop talking. No signing, no writing, nothing-- only listening. Think in a manner comparable to gentle parenting styles and I statements. I.e: I can see that your feelings are becoming perhaps too big to handle at this moment. Why don't we have a quick break to rest and rejuvenate ourselves, then we will talk, okay?

Indicate if any disturbances he has made can be resolved in minutes or days. As well as inquire the same on his end. That way there is a lesser weight placed on preexisting abandonment issues by giving his brain the opportunity to dive deep into thoughts centered on him making someone leave / love him less. Be honest, but do so with kindness and consideration. Expect nothing short of that for yourselves as well. He ought to learn he can't just get anything he preaches without speaking those same languages in his own interactions with people as well.

Provide permission and the promise of protection to cry. You would be surprised how quickly he can in fact bounce back if just given a moment to grossly sob things out without being hushed by shame. I can also state as a fact that really his driving force in life as the one and only thing he wants more than anything is to be held while he cries. He very much so is that same 16 year old boy who went days without his existence being allowed to be recognized as punishment for having feelings that were described as being "too big".

Muu really puts his hard earned money, time, and dedication into getting a seemingly scary looking service dog just to name her Bunnicula (Bunny for short). She's a darling lady with a horrible case of frozen cranky face, but her love extends as far as thinking this little ham, Match, is her baby even though he's the older dog of the two.

This is just a minimized list of all of the things Muu has been diagnosed with. Most of which being in the last year alone, but one of course has been with him since childhood. Beware of triggering content such as mention of sexual abuse / assault.

- Autism:

While he did not receive his diagnosis until he was six years old, indications that he fell somehow along the spectrum were noticed as a toddler.

One of those indications being delayed verbal skills to the point he had only knew three words by the time he was two years old: baby, bear, and nana. That one often found itself being mixed up with nuh-nuh, the word his family uniquely used to refer to as food, but he would eventually have the right idea. Everything else from that time until he was able to get into an early intervention program at age three was just sounds he used in association with words.

Others included walking on tip-toes, repetitive behaviors such as banging his head against the wall continuously until redirected, lining of objects instead of truly playing with them, and was mistaken for being solely a sensitive child for acting out from his routine / tolerances being disrupted. Interestingly, though more correlation than anything else, he is the only one of the two brothers to be on the spectrum and the only one who had colic during infancy.

- BPD / Borderline Personality Disorder

This one actually been one he'd been guided into bringing up to his therapist in order to get feedback for a meeting with a psychiatrist. After doing his own research and really talking it out with his support team, this man has had to face the reality that he most definitely fits many of the components surrounding the condition.

A couple traits he predominantly sees himself in include: "Efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, such as rapidly initiating intimate (physical or emotional) relationships or cutting off communication with someone in anticipation of being abandoned." And "intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days".

The one he has admittedly been very reluctant to acknowledge in himself, but has been trying to be self aware of in the last couple days in particular is "Difficulty trusting, which is sometimes accompanied by irrational fear of other people’s intention". Although he won't say it, he definitely keep his senses and walls up at all times in preparation for even the kindest of people to turn around to either abandon, or abuse him.

- OCD / Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Obsessions are repeated thoughts, urges, or mental images that cause anxiety. Compulsions are repetitive behaviors that a person with OCD feels the urge to do in response to an obsessive thought.

This one also arrived per suggestion of someone else, but not really from the most thoughtful of conversations. In comparison to BPD, however, it was a lot harder to pin him with since it overlapped so much with things he was already know to have.

What truly assisted in him getting the diagnosis was conversations on some of his behaviors and mannerisms over the years. Needing to make lists on what individuals he was allowed to seek out for comfort, and that he had been tallying the times he did seek people out from the time he was twenty on as if to keep himself in check on not ever going past someone's perceived quota for compassion and patience. Another was that he couldn't shower, or have sex for years, because he believed both would cause him great harm due to a fabricated monster in his head that he'd later be told was just born from the active imagination of his youth causing him to personify his fear of the disapproval from others. As well as from some very unresolved sexual trauma, but that one is more relevant in the next one.

- C-PTSD / Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

This one was actually the first thing he was referred over into getting a proper diagnosis on when he started therapy, and was not one he brought up at all on his own. It was simply a conclusion that his counselor arrived to organically after getting the man to truly open up many sessions in.

The main reason in which he was paired with the label of cptsd and not ptsd is the fact that the trauma he experienced was done so over a prolonged period of time instead of one significant occurrence in his life. Another being that when asked to reimagine himself during those major instances as safely as he could, did he see himself as a adult. He's admitted to not really feeling like they happened to him as one even though he knows for a fact he was legally considered to be one during the time he was 18 to 20 years of age. In reality, the way he perceives himself during the memories is really how he remembers looking and feeling at sixteen. Even his responses to the traumas going on during that time period were what would be seen in a child experiencing sexual trauma than an adult. One example being the fact that he not only regressed into wetting the bed, he was also urinating on himself during the day in response to the stress of feeling locked into fight or flight most of the day for days on end without truly realizing it.

Body Modifications:

running down his sides are the words "you are never too much" on his right and "someone can't get enough of you" on his left in reference to his most repeated Tiktok sound.

Also taken from Tiktok and placed onto his body is a minimalist circle with the words "I'm safe with me" inside of it located on the inner right arm above the elbow. The circle is actually a nod to his recently favorited song, Neon Moon. It also mirrors well with that of the rectangle with the words "I don't fit in. I fit out." that resides on the same area on the left arm.

Mental & Physical Health: Gender Edition

Guess who's been consulting numerous online resources, including that of a licensed therapist, to dive deeper into the concept of gender expression. Upon doing so, Muu has put forth a lot of additional effort into figuring out the source for why he doesn't feel like he fits anywhere on the board to begin with. Having figured out that safety and the lack thereof in light if certain instances of his life was what he was truly mourning when it came to more deep rooted abandonment issues, they've found that really just being themselves in any capacity has been a source of fear for them. The need to maintain a sense of invisibility as a means of avoiding conflict and abuse has been so integral to the idea of surviving another day that to be anything but under the radar is unnerving to him.

If any label was to be derived at this time, it would most likely be genderflux, or just queer gender for the simplicity and variability. More often than not the spot he'd place himself on a map would be somewhere very indifferent to the point of being absent in general, such as agender; however, there have been many ways in which they've felt euphoria in both the aspects of masculinity and femininity that the ideal identity for themselves would need to encompass those sd well.

In association with that discovery and exploration, Muu has been much more open minded to the use of any variety of pronouns to referred to as, but only in very limited spaces. The idea of coming out and providing an inconvenience to what people have known him to be for years is generally very upsetting to him as he already finds himself to be the most difficult person to love as it. Making worse is for from their intention.

For simplicity reasons, I'm breaking this down into different points:

Muu's main goal in life is to experience having friendships (and even romantic relationships as well) that are built on a strong foundation between both parties it includes. Although he may be the type of person that needs to be explained the same thing over, and over again until it reaches a point in which it is more frustrating than anything else, he is not so dense that he is oblivious to the fact that he isn't exactly ideal friendship material. He's not really great at making other people around him aware of the fact that he deeply cares about them, since he seems too interested in talking about himself than hearing about anyone else, his interests are not incredibly age appropriate or all that interesting, s, and he is far more sensitive than what is probably necessary for a twenty four year old man. With all of that being said, however, he is so self aware of the downfall of his differences that he wants more than anything to give everyone a chance at being his friend as a way of bettering his odds of finding people that will actually have the patience and willingness to keep him around.

With that being said, anyone and everyone is indiscriminately treated by him as someone he is eager to get to know and get to like him. Age, gender, sexuality, socioeconomic status, etc. None of it particularly matters to him just as long as he either receives kindness from them to some extent, or he THINKS he can earn said kindness by pleasing them in some way. This has understandably led to a lot of toxic friendships in which the other party has made it clear they want nothing to do with him, or they make it abundantly clear that they are only utilizing him for some sort of manipulative gain, and yet he knows there is still some chances that he might repeat those behaviors. Something he's learned from spending too much of his free time on Tiktok, though, is that the anxiousness that presents itself with attempting to receive something other than neglect or abuse from someone that will never give any proper praise is addicting to the brain. That it begins to feed off of the fear and uncertainty in those moments so frequently that it begins to crave it. In a way, he knows that is why he tends to find himself placing himself into purposefully dangerous situations, or back into the company of people he knows won't truly respect him as a person. It is because not only does he subconsciously feel that negative attention such as that might be the only thing he truly deserves to have instead of selfishly asking for unconditional love instead, but also because he thrives off of the abuse in some way. Lately though, however, he really has made nothing but really wonderful friendships with people that have made it very clear that they genuinely enjoy his company, and want what is best for him, so it has really been a challenge in rewiring his brain to expect that condition of living instead of slipping into a state of survival mode that can make or break how he is treated that day.

In the past, Muu would have definitely stated that he preferred male friendships on the basis of having someone he could turn to for protection and security as someone that wasn't particularly very strong physically and emotionally. As time shifted to places in which that security and protection was not offered to him, or was overstepped completely when placed into very dangerous circumstances involving himself and another man, Muu found himself gravitating more towards women. To him, they are safer company. They tend to respond to his emotional needs in a way that is more caring instead of belittling him, or responding aggressively. Also, even though a lot of his friendships with women typically cross a line into something more than friends with the addition of sexual intimacy, he has not felt an underlying sense of predatory behavior like he has with some of the men he claimed to be his friends in the past.

Trigger warning for the information ahead. Basically, the most condensed version of the answer to male vs female friends that I can offer to old & new muns alike is: Muu doesn't have the same experience of being able to state that he's been consistently emotionally, verbally, physically, and even sexually abused by female friends as he can with the men he admired to the point he blindly trusted them through some really difficult times, so, therefore, he just generally feels safer around women more than men. He's really trying to work through that though, and bring himself to a point in which he can really let go of all of that in favor of having the strong male friendships he always wished to have growing up.

I am basically just rattling off names at this point. I am sure I can locate more as well, but it is getting late here so who I am able to think of at this hour is under the cut:

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

FULL NAME. Mason Uri Thompson

NICKNAME. Muu 

GENDER. Male.

HEIGHT. 5′9″

AGE. 25

ZODIAC. Pisces

SPOKEN LANGUAGES. English is his primary language. Japan is secondary and verse dependent.

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

HAIR COLOR. Blond

EYE COLOR.  Brown-Green hazel

SKIN TONE. Fair, but with a pink, rosy undertone.

BODY TYPE. Mesomorph. His legs, back, and chest are the most muscular, while his arms trail behind as the leanest parts of his body.

VOICE. Is of average deepness at his normal speaking level, but raises when he’s nervous, or sad. His defense mechanism in stressful situations is to make himself appear smaller for safety purposes, but he’s working on being more aware of it.

DOMINANT HAND. Left

POSTURE. Somewhat arched. Having spent a lengthy amount of his time hunched over in an effort to take up less space as a person has had some life term effects on his posture. He does wear a bright blue brace for about thirty minutes a couple times a week to train his back to stay more upright, but he still finds himself slouching in the presence of people that unknowingly intimated him.

SCARS. He has a round shaped scar on his left arm from an incident with a colleague nearly from about five years earlier, so it has a lot time to heal to the point of being far less noticeable than it was when he first acquired it. There are also some very, very faded scars along his lower back from being unintentionally attacked by a dog as a child. He’d startled it when trying to retrieve a toy from a neighbor’s yard, and instigated a chase when he ran away. It was a small poodle.

TATTOOS. On the inside of his right arm is a tattoo is of very cartoony version of the character Oh from the movie Home. When he was very lonely, and down on himself, it became it his comfort film. He related a lot to the alien character of the film. When on a whim, he decided to get a tattoo, he knew he wanted it to be of something with a lot of meaning to him, but also something that would strike a sense of familiarity to those who also felt like they were an Oh in the world too.

BIRTHMARKS. On the side of his upper left leg, quite close to his butt in fact, is a small, circular mark with tiny, darker colored dots within it. If looked at the right angle, it almost appears to a smiley face. As kind of odd as it is, he really likes his birthmark, and the location it resides on. For a very long time, he held a lot hatred for his lower body for things that took a lot of counseling to come to terms with. Nowadays, he’s far too comfortable pulling down the back of pants just enough to flash his birthmark to people.

MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S). In the sunny, warm seasons of the year, he tends to get freckles that scatter primarily across his nose and his arms. They cease to be noticeable come late fall only to reappear after the rainy parts of spring.

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝

PLACE OF BIRTH. From what he’d been told by his grandparents, he had been born while his father and mother still resided on a military base somewhere within the outskirts of Phoenix, Arizona. After circumstances leading to the questioning of his mother’s parenting abilities, both him and his brother were relocated states away to live with their paternal grandparents once their father released custody to them in order for him to join the Navy.

HOMETOWN. Verse Dependent

SIBLINGS. An older brother named Matthew who is about two years older than himself.

PARENTS. His mother is entirely absent from his life after a string of broken promises that she’d gotten her life together enough to be a good mom to him, while his father and him are just distant from having very little in common with another. They can hold civil conversations with one another when they interact for brief moments at family get togethers, but he still is far closer to his grandmother than he is with any other parental figure in his life.

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

OCCUPATION. Preschool teacher at a daycare center for children between the ages of 6 weeks old to 6 years old. He never imagined himself as ever working with children, because quite frankly they kind of scared him at one point, but he loves his job more than he would have ever expected.

CURRENT RESIDENCE. He lives alone in a very spacious home that was actually leased to him when the man knew the younger was seeking out a place to live after an end to a relationship. His favorite thing in all of his home is the very large bath tub. It is far more comparable to a pool than a tub, but he has not yet had anything occur where he questioned downsizing it.

CLOSE FRIENDS. All of ‘em. Every last one of them. He has been especially grateful for the opportunities to reconnect with Hisao @angstiism, Hannah @kannojo, Alex @dis--parity, Pchan @nvrcmplt​, and Yukio @silvxcs. Someday, when he grows the guts to meet with and check up on some old, familiar faces, such as Archer at @sonderrow, and Nicole @gamenu, he’d like to just listen intently in regards to where life has led them. He also is blossoming in the new friendships he is forming with new people.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Verse Dependent.

FINANCIAL STATUS. He falls somewhere on the back end of middle class, yet he doesn’t really mind. It is familiar for him enough that he has learned how to make do without having a lot of money left over. It is for the best, really, because he still remembers very much so the ridiculous amount of money he’d spent only on pudding and snacks many years ago.

DRIVER’S LICENSE. No. He’s terrified to learn how to drive, so he just makes do with either walking, riding the bus, and sometimes even riding his bike if he has the energy to do so.

CRIMINAL RECORD. Clean. He’d like to say he’s done some wild things that have gone untraced, but the most adventurous he’s ever gotten was the time he stole a Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal from a store in the mall. He later went back to pay for it out of guilt, so even that one doesn’t particularly count.

VICES. The constant need to be busy doing something to give his brain far less of a chance to dwell on things he is not satisfied with dwelling on. Maintaining an active and creative lifestyle are very important to him. Otherwise, in the event he does sink to an unexpected low, he tends to build himself back up by indulging in activities that brought him peace as a child. Doodling, watching cartoons, buying random things online from things he watched a kid to boost serotonin. His latest thing is to actually read poetry. He finds it really enjoyable to see something on a page that artistically expresses thoughts he can relate to, and has since started to collect an abundance of poetry books.

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. He identifies under the queer label. He doesn’t really know for certain where he falls in terms of sexual attraction, since frankly he went years without even getting close to it, but he does know that he has deep feelings for all kinds of people underneath other categories of attraction. A more descriptive way of describing himself would be to say demisexual panromantic, but he prefers to use queer.

PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE. Honestly, he really just thrives on fulfilling whatever role his partners request. He loves to care for people to immeasurable bounds, while shifting to a relaxed, or sometimes needier side of himself when the roles are reversed.

PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE. He’ll tell you he’s a switch with a preference for topping, but in reality he is a switch with a preference for literally doing whatever the person he feels comfort and admiration for enough to get to that level with them in the first place. He does get a tad bitter when people make suggestions that he doesn’t have the assertiveness to be the dominant partner in those types of relations, and is therefore trying to education himself as much as he can on the overall process before he can even consider taking the reigns like that in real time.

LIBIDO. For the most part, very low. In his main timelines, he has gone seven years without going completely all the way with another person out of a fear of what could follow after that level of intimacy. He doesn’t necessarily have those same fears, but he does feel completely out of the loop in comparison to peers of his who have far more experience than he does. He is at least putting a lot of effort and thoughtfulness into being a more sex positive person, so in time he believes he will reach a point where he will have an average adult male libido.

TURN ON’S. Words of encouragement and affirmation, undivided attention, and playfulness are the primarily ones. Even if it doesn’t always sound exciting in its application, Mason actually finds it really helpful when a partner either verbally describes why and where they are touching him, or how they want him to touch them instead, because it gives a complete sense of clarity and consent. He’s admittedly very inexperienced and clueless, so being shown AND told are clearer in his mind than just being left to try and plan out his next move with limited reference.

TURN OFF’S. Dirty talk. Being called things like whore, slut, or other demeaning names while having sex not only turns him off, but it also really hurts his feelings even when it is jokingly implied that he is being labeled something bad. He also does not really like being referred to things such as little boy, bitch, baby boy. He doesn’t mind being called Baby when it is used to be an affectionate pet name, and he is so much of a sucker for being complimented on, that he’d probably not even bat an eye if someone playfully called him Princess. Just not around other people, because he takes his pride in being a top-man very seriously.

IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES. His main two love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch, while the others typically fall not too far behind. He also really just loves the ability to spend time with another person where both people are doing their own thing together. Those moments when he can just glance over to see the twitch of his partner’s lips, or the squinting of their eyes when they get seriously invested in their passion are very meaningful to him. He is also aware that he comes with things that are not always the easiest to love, such as heavy subjects spoken only about in serious conversations, and in the days that are harder to get out of bed than others, so he tries to actively make up for it in the ways he knows how. He’ll often take over the bulk of the work around the house and yard. As a man with a little bit of knowledge about a lot of topics, and a lot of love to give around to make up the difference, he seeks to love and be loved unconditionally by putting in all of his effort to doing whatever he knows will bring the people he is dating complete happiness. 

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG.  Here I am Alive, by Yellowcard and Way Less Sad, by AJR.

HOBBIES TO PASS TIME. Learning how to play the ukulele, drawing, listening to music, playing videogames from time to time, and texting his friends.

LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. Right.

PHOBIAS. He really doesn’t have any of the same intense, yet irrational fears as he did as a young man, so it is a lot more difficult for him to pinpoint whether or not he has any remaining phobias. In some ways, the fears of rejection and abandonment still linger at the back of his mind from time to time. Otherwise, he would likely only become of just how terrifyingly ingrained something was to him at the exact moment he was face to face with it. Additionally, he does not hold any trust towards demons, and would scream profusely if he was locked in a room with one, but he refuses to admit that he finds them scary out of spite.

SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. For the most part, it is pretty comparable to the self confidence level he had as an innocent, wildly curious teenager, and is a thousand percent better than when he was experiencing the complete lack of self esteem that came with the depression of his very early twenties. He still wrangles with moments of issues of self worth and blaming himself for things that he is slowly becoming to terms with being the result of other people’s problems instead of his own, but they are at least only on very few occasions. Saying he necessarily loves himself would really likely come down to who he is present with at the time, because in some circumstances he believes saying such a thing would lead to him being punished for reasons he might not be able to explain.

OBJECTIVE: bold what applies, italic what sometimes applies.

𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬. being unable to stop smiling. laughter. bear hugs. happy tears. waving arms around. dancing. contently sighing. eyes twinkling. laugh lines. childlike playfulness. skipping. talking more. affection. cracking more jokes than usual. gesturing more when talking. higher pitched voice. squealing. jumping around. clapping.

𝐒𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬. tearing up. self-hugging.one-arm cross. an aching chest. scratchy throat. a runny nose. turning away. deep breaths. quivery smiles. crying. infantile sobbing. hands gripping each other or an object. covering mouth. puffy eyes. eyes appear red. voice breaking. a distant or empty stare. monotone voice. asking for comfort. faking a smile. crumbling. shaking. whimpering. depression. abusing an unhealthy habit. withdrawing from others. big teary eyes. doing something even if it could hurt them.

𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫. furrowed brows. baring teeth.passive-aggressive comments. avoiding eye contact. sarcasm. headache. sore muscles. hiding clenched fists. irritability. jumping to conclusions. raising voice. going silent. demanding immediate action. keeping it all in until exploding. body tensing. making risky decisions. middle finger.

𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐫. wanting to flee or hide. what-ifs.images of what-could-be flashing in mind. uncontrollable trembling. rapid breathing. screaming. a skewed sense of time. irritability. keeping silent. denying fear. turning away from the cause . pretending to be brave. nail-biting. lip-biting. scratching skin. a joking tone but a voice that cracks. fainting. insomnia. panic attacks. exhaustion. substance abuse. tics. rushing adrenaline. face draining of colour. hair lifting on the back of the neck. feeling rooted to the spot. making body as small as possible. staring but not seeing. crying. a shrill voice. whispering. gripping something or someone. stuttering. flinching at noises. pleading.

𝐄𝐱𝐡𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. constantly yawning. blurring words together. dark circles or lines under eyes. mood swings. hallucinations. calling people by the wrong name. dizziness. denying they’re tired. slow blinking. trouble concentrating. stumbling. leaning on a doorframe for support. sluggish movements. falling asleep someplace that isn’t a bed. becoming irritated by the smallest things. “i’m awake, i’m fine.” shaking so bad they spill their drink. fall asleep in their clothes. lay their head on the table because they’re so tired. passing out.

tagged by: nobody. I just took it right out of the hands of @earthssprout​ cause I’m a butt