#himlive

It took me a while before I found the courage to talk about it here. So yes, as we all know by now HIM is disbanding. Just writing the words hurts like hell. I still can't believe it's happening. When you've been hanging onto something so dear to your heart, you tend to take it for granted and think that it will last forever. HIM is and has always been more than a band to me.

They shaped the person I am today, they brought me the most amazing friendships and unexpected love. If it wasn’t for them, my life would litterally be completely different. I would never have met my girlfriend in here by fangirling over them and then moved countries to be with her. I wouldn’t have so many incredible and loyal friends that I met because of out love for them.

I was a lost 13 year old kid when I heard their music for the first time and what they gave me then cannot ever be forgotten. Acceptance, empowerment, courage and love.Their music, interviews, everything about them pushed me into being the best version of myself that I could be. They were warm and comforting in times of need. HIM has always been a huge part of me and my safety blanket. That is why I just cannot accept or concede it to be ending, because they always were more than a band. They will always be a part of me no matter what happens, I will always rely on them and have their posters on my walls. I will always follow, support and love every single member in their future projects and keep on being the giant HIM nerd I have always been. I can't deny that it hurts immensly and breaks my heart but I need to respect their choice, that's the least I can do. Just remember that as long as we are here to cherish what they've given us, HIM will never be over.

I will in a way or another go to at least one of the announced lives. Most likely in Koln with my girlfriend and perhaps Hamburg (Germany), also seriously considering Amsterdam. Let me know if you guys go to one of these or somewhere else. If any of you would like to meet up it would be amazing.

I love every single one of you and will always be here for you, will keep on posting HIM related things forever.

my prized posession. i have a bit of a bandana obsession, so i bought it @ the show in my "hometown" Cincinnati (8.25.2013) little did i know in 3 days short of a month, i'd be meeting HIM in Atlanta (9.22) and having them sign it...i took a bus there, i had a huge backpack on that had everything i needed to survive without a place to stay. Ville was the first person i saw at the table, i had been crying while i was in line with Sora, my online friend (who is also a die-hard HIM fan) that i'd just met for the first time that day. I was speechless when i got up there, it was embarrassing. i had this whole big thing to say and then i blanked. he just looked at me, smiled and said "hello!" so i was like 

i was just really shy for no fucking reason...well its not no reason. He's my idol. and my savior, really. his lyrics have saved my life too many times. i'm sure it'd been easy to thank someone who'd done that much for you if you knew them well...but for someone like me, who's subconcious imagination usually creates half of the world they live in (to put it very vaguely) its overwhelming, in a good way. i saw them in cincinnati, that was a dream come true...but the mind can still play tricks on you. i stood in front of Linde during that gig, and he's my favorite guitar player. i actually got to tell him that, too.

it was kind of like a moment of truth for me...some of the most important or impressionable things i've seen in life haven't been real. then Ville said "Hello" to me and it was real...i asked him to sign my bandana, and he replied "of course" then he did and passed it to Mige. even with my huge backpack, Ville gave me what may be the most heartwarming hug i have ever been given. (oh joy, i'm tearing up now...haha) Mige greeted me right after and i almost squealed. i was so happy to meet him. Then Linde (who i'd never heard speak before) i told him he was my favorite guitar player and he said "thank you" then Gas who is friendly as can be, we spoke really briefly but i dont remember at all what we said because he just seemed so happy that i just remember smiling really wide. Burton actually made the biggest impression on me though. me and a group of girls i met while waiting outside had seen him walk past on the street (they went after him, i regret not joining them) i actually never realized quite how tall he was....they're all pretty tall, Burton looks to be the tallest, then Ville. anyway, when i got to Burton, the last at the table, he made prolonged eye contact with me...which was interesting. i think i made eye contact with everyone at least for a split second, Ville for a couple seconds but Burton may as well have been having a staring contest with me. i couldnt find words to come out of my mouth to say to him, i realized at that moment that i dont really know anything about him like i know about everyone else in the band. after what felt like a whole minute of him staring at me, he signed my bandana. i actually remember the strokes, it was the most graceful signature...then he looked me in the eyes yet again. i thanked him and told him it meant the world to me and he smiled at me, then i stepped off to the side and watched Sora go down the line. i took a picture (it was quite blurry) and Burton was looking at me in it. i waved to him after and he smiled and waved at me. i've been researching the hell out of him ever since. its so unfair of me tha i know so much about everyone else and barely anything about HIM.

needless to say, i got my proof...HIM is a real thing, not some schizo-imaginary, defence mechanism my brain made up to stop me from jumping out of high places. its 5 very real people, with real talent, real faces and real fans who feel the same way that i do. its such a welcoming feeling...maybe there are more real things than i thought.