#highschoolangst

SORRY WE’RE CLOSED

English Teacher: I want you to have a binder for my class.

Science Teacher: I want you to have a binder for my class.

Me: Three binders seems a little excess-

See here’s the thing about being motivated. It’s that no matter how motivated you are in the moment, it’s not like it’s a guaranteed momemtum that is going to last forever. So in that moment where you even have the slightest motivation you have to bite down hard, and use it to kick off into a steady run. That motivation is what builds you, what makes you great. Nothing great is made without motivation, and without it would be impossible to do anything. How would I ever get out of bed ever if I wasn’t motivated enough? What is my motivation, probably avoiding the law, and not falling apart in my studies. I don’t think I’m really motivated enough. I f was really motivated, would I join 6 or 7 clubs, always be working on homework and never hve time for myself?

Is being motivated the meaning of, absolutely sacrificing everything to successful? I think don’t think, but at the same time I’m not at that place I want to be. That place where I can honestly start working at a whim and not stop till the job gets done. This is the kind of worker I aspire to be, but am not willing to put work into. I am profoundly lazy, that is at least how I view myself. That might feed into the whole not being able to work thing, my self image. My selfimage is only propretuated every day when I get home and not start on my homework, but that’s also so hard.

But why is homework so had to start on? It’s crazy right? Just like 4 hours of work on a lucky day, and then I can just chill till I grind out the next day. If I was that type of dude I would be able to reap the benefits immediately, my friend is that type of dude and he’s playing video games at 6:10. Why am I not doing that? Because I chose the pacifist pleasure of being a consumer, not a producer. In the end I have to become the producer, but that kind of road is crazy hard to start on, and crazy hard to finish.

Being a producer means actually doing things, being a consumer means to sit back and just consume. I don’t know if that’s something that’s crazy, but that’s crazy to me. I am lazy as a sloth, and that isn’t something that can be broken in a short amount of time. How did I ever let myself spiral downward so fast and so hard? Is it possible to even get out of this rut? Entirely possible I’d say.

)

I could not for the life of me remember how this song went. SINS