Many Fridays ago (my reviews sometimes get awfully backlogged) we decided for a quick and easy dinner-out at Phobulous, our go-to Vietnamese soup joint. Unfortunately, when we arrived they were overflowing with customers still waiting to be seated. As our dining time was limited, we opted to change plans and try something else. Observing the surrounding options, we opted to give Highlevel Diner another try. I had been to the Highlevel Diner only once before. I was with Mrs. Us, and it was not a happy experience. At the time, she was spiraling miserably in her soon-to-be-former job with the YMCA, and that day had been particularly bad. One of us ordered a dish (I think it was a burger she'd ordered...) that came with a side of four different salsas. I don't remember what I'd ordered (something nagging in my memory suggests it was a salmon dish) but I do remember having their hummus with it, and that it was some of the worst, blandest hummus I'd ever tasted. In my desperate attempts to cheer her up, I began several disgusting food combinations, combining my hummus with her salsas, refilling the little serving cups, and swallowing the mixture like one would swallow a jello-shot. Allegedly, I was embarrassing. Until 2011, that had been my one experience at the place: bad memories; substandard food. For those unfamiliar with the establishment, Highlevel Diner is one of Edmonton's beloved businesses, and in most polls and opinions it can do little wrong. It was an opinion I couldn't really understand or share. During this most recent visit, which I gladly admit was much happier, Mrs. Us and I both had one of their highly esteemed clubhouse sandwiches ($14 each) and a glass of their home-brewed iced tea ($3.75). The drinks tasted strongly of slightly sweetened orange pekoe + some lemon. Not bad, but certainly nowhere near the sugar-levels of most iced teas you're likely to find. Now, the sandwich.... Mrs. Us and our friend Nick had previously praised the Highlevel Diner clubhouse, so I figured it was a better bet than most. To be fair, I think Mrs. Us enjoyed hers better than I did. Clubhouse sandwiches are tricky organisms, especially if you opt to use real roasted/baked turkey instead of processed- or deli-style slices. The danger of turkey is that it's nearly always notoriously dry, and that is precisely why mayonnaise is so necessary for the sandwich to succeed. It also adds a bit of fat to the otherwise lean breast meat. Highlevel Diner is the sort of place that is proud to serve complex, multi-grain breads on their sandwiches. That's all well and good, but you'd better be sure you choose sympathetic textures for it to succeed. The long and short of my nit-picking gibberish is this: turkey breast + three slices of Earth toast + lettuce, tomato fragment, and lean bacon = SUCH A GOD DAMNED FUCKING DRY SANDWICH THAT IT IS HARD TO PRODUCE ENOUGH SALIVA TO SWALLOW. Now then.... The sandwich did contain a dusting of mayonnaise. I know, because I went hunting for it. It needed much much more, though. Once I was able to flag down our genuinely busy server, I requested (and offered to pay extra for) an additional side of mayonnaise for my sandwich. I am very grateful she provided me a substantial portion, and free of charge at that. What little mayo didn't end up on my sandwich went to flavor my unremarkable and bland french fries. Highlevel Diner's table ketchup is their own recipe, and though mild and pleasant it didn't interest me at the time. Their mayonnaise was alright when used in excess. As we ate, and awaited our pleasant dessert - a shared slice of Skor cheesecake ($7.50) - I watched a newly arrived neighbouring table. Amongst its occupants, I spotted one of my old science professors; I assume the others were his family. It appears as though one of his sons is rather badly autistic. I always found the man to be a peculiar, rather petulant fellow, but I can't help but feel more sympathetic toward him now. Nevertheless, I still maintain that I am right: that the Earth is an open-system as far as mass is concerned, and that he still owes me marks. We left the diner in a hurry after paying, as our limited supping time had expired, and proceeded with our evening. I'm afraid the appeal of the place is still lost on me. It's not a proper diner. It's not a proper health-food cafe. I have yet to truly enjoy any of their food. None of that changes the fact that its status remains almost legendary in this town, and is likely to continue doing so for the foreseeable future.
