#hidemijinki

As time passed, I thought it was my fault for getting her sick because of the dirty strawberries. She got worse. We kept making her porridge rice, she ate fish when her grown daughter came.She was so depressed for the past year. She felt like she wasn't loved by us.But I really did.I never yelled at her in my life.I always ate the rice she made for me and her.What's sad is, I never ate with her...She would always invite us to eat with her, but we said no, we're not hungry. Or No, I don't want to eat.She was always lonely, I know it.  The past Wednesday, she got admitted to the hospital and I found out the next day when my dad told my brother and I.I cried and I told my friends. My dad told me she had a disease in her blood. I know she has diabetes...it just got worse And the worse part is, I found out yesterday that she has cancer.She lost so much weight, her skin is paler. She can't walk or stand up straight.  She told me she felt so useless because she didn't know how to speak english or how to stand up anymore.She even told me, "You can't speak hmong any more..."I said, I can, I know it.I tried to help her but she's so tired.... Her cancer already spread. I overheard there is going to be chemotherapy. I can't stop thinking when I saw, her, she looked so weak...I didn't want to visit her anymore because how she looked.I forgot to tell her that I loved her. I overheard my dad say about how my aunts and uncles are talking about who is going to get the money and other things already.... She's not dead yet, don't say that.She's going to keep living, I know it. I just want her to live to see us grow up more.I want her to be more happy. But then again, she always felt depressed. Ever since grandpa died, she  felt sad...I remember in the funeral, she sang a sad song by his casket.  I just want to pray that she will be alright. She won't get hurt anymore.She won't feel like she's nothing.I really love you, grandma.Please stay alive. Please smile, I haven't seen you smile in months. I really love when you laugh just how I loved when grandpa laughed.When you two laughed, it made me happy.Grandpa, I don't her to go away yet.I know you're gone grandpa, but please let her stay a little longer. Please. I'm crying so hard, I want her stay. I love her and you, grandpa.I really love you two. But one needs to stay so I won't be alone when I wake up in fear. Please.