#hiccop

Thank you for the prompt! I’ve been on a real Hiveswap kick lately.

The best hiding places were often right under the noses of the people who were looking for you. That, at least in theory, was why Joey and Xefros were picking the lock to an Imperial warehouse.

“Only drones come in here,” Xefros was explaining. “And if you stand really still, they might not see you.”

“So not like subjuggalators?” Joey asked. Her tablet was hooked into the door, and she was focused on a particularly complicated sequence in the serpent program that was bypassing the warehouse’s security. 

“Ya, I mean, they’re about as strong if they catch you,” Xefros said. “But that’s the part we want to avoid.” 

The tablet pinged, and the door in front of them slid open. Joey sighed. “Well, that’s the best we can hope for, I guess.” She stood up, dusted off her pants, and stepped inside, Xefros trailing behind her.

Fortunately, the warehouse was free of drones. Towers of plain wooden crates of all sizes rose up from the floor. Narrow catwalks crossed the ceiling.

“It looks like Indiana Jones,” Joey whispered. 

“I don’t know,” Xefros said. “It reminds me of In Which a Greenblooded Professor in the Pre-Imperial Period Discovers a Plan From a Rival Empire to Use a Mysterious Religious Artifact To Strengthen Their Armies and Is Enlisted to Stop Them.”

“Do you think anything mysterious could be in the boxes?” Joey asked. 

Xefros poked one with his toe. It was covered in a thick layer of dust, and his shoe came back dirty. He grimaced. “It’s probably just drone parts,” he said. He brushed a hand through the dust covering the label. “See, it’s so old I can’t even read the serial numbers anymore.”

Joey peered over his shoulder. It certainly did look old, but something caught her eye. “Wait, Xefros,” she said. She pointed at the label. “That looks like human writing.”

“Really?” Xefros said. He took a corner of his shirt and gave the box a more thorough cleaning. “What does it say?”

Joey squinted. The writing was faded, and the font was something out of the school of pointed imperial aesthetics. But one part was immediately familiar. “That’s the Betty Crocker logo,” she said, and jabbed a finger at it. “What’s it doing here?”

“It looks like the old Battleship Condescension,” Xefros said. He swiped a hand through the dust on the next box over. “This one has it too.”

“So does this one!” Joey exclaimed, leaning over a third box.

“What are boxes from an Earth company doing on Alternia?” Xefros asked.

***

After the apocalypse, they go to Fantasy Costco.

“They’d better have those twelve-packs of fantasy muffins,” Magnus says, throwing open the doors. “I’ve got a craving for some sugar, and I think I deserve a cheat day.”

“Cheat days are bullshit,” Taako says as Lup floats along beside him. “You think I’m going to let some diet plan get in the way of cooking whatever I want? No go, amigo.”

Behind them, Davenport jogs to keep up with Magnus’s stride. “I just don’t think I got the chance to properly appreciate this place before,” he says. “You really say it’s got everything?”

“Believe me, buddy,” Taako says, “It had a literal corpse in a tube. If you want it, Fantasy Costco’s got it.”

Halfway across the doorway, Lup stops. She sniffs the air. Or at least, it looks like that, considering that liches don’t have noses.

“Greg Grimaldis,” she growls.

“What?” Taako says. “Lup, funny story, that, but dude’s long dead.”

“No,” she insists, “It’s him! I’d remember that shitty cologne across any planar system.”

Davenport raises a hand. “Let’s think about this rationally: cologne is sold to more than one person, in my experience,” he says. “I’m sorry you couldn’t get your revenge, Lup, but – “

“Oh come on!” she says. “Merle got his relatives back across dimensions, why can’t I get a consistent nemesis?”

“Would he even be your nemesis?” Magnus asks. “Like, he wouldn’t owe you money across lives, right?”

Taako snickers and Lup’s form shudders in a lich scowl. “His debts will be paid when they are literally paid, in full, to me,” she mutters.

“You know,” Magnus starts, “the till is open.”

Deep within her cowl, the two flames that serve as Lup’s eyes gleam. “You don’t say.”

Basically ye, just not do anything else is what i have to do. There’s a tumblr w transcripts up now a days tho! But ye I got a waterproof speaker an would just hang out in the bath while listening. If u decide to get into it good luck!

WILL DO

6: how long have you been following the comic

ummmm... about a year and hal i think!! i think i started reading around... 2014. oh wow, it has been a while!!!! im sorry i havent been in the fanom since the beggining like lots of y’all, im a late arrival ;w;

7: got any ocs?

Oop! not really, haha. i just sit back and enjoy these dumb guys do their own thing, hehehehe.

9: who has the best fashion sense?

open up a trade w some junk items

oK

by junk items do u mean it doesnt matter what

wont ppl not wanna trade for it if its not like *rare* or smth ?