#hesistant

For the past few months, I have been wondering if I Should go back to school. I originally have a business administration degree from Devry University but, I haven’t found any work in that field of choice. I makes me wonder why I even got this degree in the first place if I am not using it. It definitely make me feel like a college education, in certain industry, aren’t necessary. All this debt with nothing to show for it, it is the worst feeling in the world. Don’t get me wrong though. I can get a minimum wage job easy. That is the one good thing that have a degree unlock. I am laughing and crying on the inside because it true for most people in my predicament.

         I want to go to school for HVAC in NYC. It is a growing industry growing about 14% every year (average). At least, what I have researched. It looks interesting and something I could potentially get into. i love working with my hands and fixing things. this would enable me to that and get paid for it. I know i am a hard worker and this industry is made for people like me. But I find myself hesitating on that decision because this isn't what I saw myself in the future doing. I always wanted to own my own business but the business I would like to own and run are dying industries. I would love to open a record shop that sells Cd’s and records and other music relation stuffs. but nobody buy Cd's anymore and selling records are super niche. The other business I would love to own is video game like a game stop. But the is even dying because I don't remember the last time I stop into a store like that to purchase a game. I just download it of the console store or steam. Hvac is potential another route that I have never thought about but i am uncertain. Questioning myself and my decision making.

         Maybe I shouldn’t and go all in on this. Giving this choice 1000% effort and concentration and it would lead to a happy and well off life that I always wanted. The more and more I Think about it, that more and more I want to do it................

Harvest Moon: Light of Hope

I'm a guardian of my soul.I will never leave my walls vulnerable. However, you came in silent. Unexpected. I never saw it coming, you walked through me, and into my heart. I love you, and I hate you. I don't know how it's possible, I'm at war with myself. My mind protecting my heart, and my heart a careless mess who wants to dive into the moments. I want to dive in, skeptical yet ready. For you I would risk the pain. Blindfold me, and let me fall, only fools fall in love however I fell for you. I'm still falling for you, I was never good for myself. Never good for my health. I make the worse decisions, but they make life worth living. You don't even have to meet me halfway cause my hearts always been at your front gates, standing in the rain just waiting to once again feel the presence of your lips being pushed upon it. My mind is in the background faded, and silenced.

I'm a guardian of my soul.

Who left me in charge?

I just really got the confidence to do this and by all means this is not my speciality, haha. It's going to be more like a hobby, I guess? I'm sorry if I don't post a lot tonight, mianhaeee T~T...

Thank you to the person who made me gain confidence, you're amazing. You know who you are ^.^..

I am starting a scenario blog with Block B and maybe more groups in the future. At the moment, the only group I seriously know deep down is Block B and I don't want to do groups I don't know fully. I'm getting more familiar with B.A.P so see them in the future. 

Auguste Toulmouche (1829-1890) - La Fiancee Hesitante

give little pieces of ourselves away to people who’ll leave?

It’s a scary thing opening up to someone, anyone.

I want to keep my heart to myself, but that’s not healthy.

We’re all so unavailable to one another, never together, never the same.