hey fuck... i didnāt get to use my tumblr til now but i really did wanna write something..FOR YOU... so iām doing it 5 days later.
17th of july? ... to be honest i didnāt think about it, not realize until the day came and i looked at my phone after waking up, that was when i saw that unfortunate date and a wave of sadness, longing, anger and all the questions struck me again. then the realization i had no dope left to āget throughā this day. thank fuck the meeting at work had been cancelled so i could go cop anytime. i would go score some heroin and then get home and light a candle for you, write you some poetry and do some lines in honour of you. (heroin to feel closer to you. itās an illusion, yet i love it and feel it sometimes!) the journey was stressful. at one point i even thought iād have to return without my brown stuff due to a delayed train, but it turned out all good. (karl said you had arranged for us to get high today. i was looking up into the sky through the train windows all the time, up into the sunshine where you maybe smiled down at me with that beautiful smile of yours that i never got to see irl. i even tried to write you something like a poem in my journal but had to stop after 2 sentences as thinking of you had moved me to tears in that train full of fucking people! but i think youād have liked it. fuck, kit, 3 years since youāve left us and the cut is still as fresh as back then. you are missed! the same way as 3 years before. Iām aging but you donāt have to anymore. hurts to write right now, but know iām getting high for you today almost the same way, you would; but iām afraid of needles... iāll write your name into the clouds, it shall be screamed into the sky... kit ryder martinelli, gone but never forgotten a man full of love and dedication who left too soon. i hope you know youāre still loved and missed every day!
see you soon.
