โyou made too much. thatโs it. thatโs all,โ sheโs mumbling under her breath, clad and hunched over in hooded cloak, rifling through the basket slung over the bend of her elbow. โitโs not anything special. bernie, special? ha! as if.โ
she should not be here, tucked in one of the monasteryโs more dilapidated corners. if she had it her way, then still, there would be a formal writ of house varleyโs demise in the royal courtโs hands. it is nothing but the few and frayed crimson threads that keep her dangling above ground now. a glimmer of green eyes, a mannequin lost to last yearโs rubble. a loud voice, a bid for her health. all she was doing was proving ferdinand von aegirโs point, and yet. โand itโs not like you knew everything would blow up when you planted these tulipsโฆ itโs not the poor tulipsโ fault. that doesnโt mean they should go to waste. yeah! they were a pain in the butt to cross-breed! yep.โ
keeping quiet was the easy part, hushed blathering aside. bernadettaโs speedy hands finish their arrangement of flowers and dessert, left at his doorstep small and unimposing. just like her. nothing like him.and nothing ever like each other.
nothing like the variegated reds and oranges he had set by her door once upon a time. nothing like what her eyes had caught on his plate enough times to call a habit. bernadetta springs back to her feetโ โhm-hm-hmโฆ okay, there. one more holiday out of the way. back to hibernation!โโand begins to scamper back off, the flutter of her cloak tailing after her like a another faraway farewell.
he thought he had heard something in the corridor, faint whispers and sweet air. something placed with care just beyond the threshold, quiet as snowfall. Ferdinand paused, wondering if someone could really impart a feeling of fresh snow, no footsteps. with his hand still resting on the handle, he stepped out into the hall.
his gaze dropped, and thereโ a basket. modesty jeweled by a deliberate hand, recognizable now that Ferdinand was beginning to see her touch in places he was blind to before. flowers, warm in color despite the season. carefully arranged. and beside them, something sweet. โshe must have grown these for their colorโฆโ he murmured, almost to himself. โand with remarkable success, at that.โ
straightening, he turnedโnot toward the safety of his room, but down the corridor she had fled. who was she, if not a glimpse of violet and faded reflections? a painted figment in a childโs mind, the nebulous branch off a grapevine, the pride of Varley (or his projection of such). an old book, old words, never dog-earred because he believed every whisper that came before hers. even now, he wondered if it was ego that made his footsteps break the snow, thundering out of his mind and into hers. โBernadetta! wait!โ
the moon might split, he thought. there goes the year of trying to posture nonchalant. of pretending his innocence was to protect what little they had of each other to begin with. he was afraid to ask: am I cornering you? even now?
โBernadetta! you have my thanks!โย
uh oh. there it is, on his mind again. where he prayed on grass-stains, he wondered if she was put on bleeding knees. โand my admiration!โ a set of lungs go out. uh oh. โI am SORRY!โย
what a pretty picture. nobility trampling past flowers to get into the snow. for he was trapped between his fatherโs teeth (a smile) and his fatherโs shape (a cut-out). and she was trapped under her fatherโs ink (predetermined) and her fatherโs shape (a shadow). he was sure that if they were in the same frame, it was by their hands, too.
โ...sorry.โ he said, catching up to her at last. awkwardly. โbut I heard you wereโฆโ well? โwell, I just wanted to see you.โย
โI am starting to know your touch.โ tired buzzer noise. โyou know that, do you not? let us not dance around each other like thisโฆโย
it is his birthday. โIt is my birthday.โ