#herestothenextyear

Life continues on, as ever, but as I’m approaching the one year anniversary of probably the worst decision of my entire life, the one which led me quite literally into a spiraling chasm of self hate for far too many months, I have a few comments (for myself) and questions (all rather rhetorical)

1) God, I’m proud of me sometimes. This has been a horrendous year for me emotionally. I’m so much looking forward to 24, because it means that finally, FINALLY 23 will be over. A ton of amazing things happened to me this year, but the biggest moment of 23 is going to be coming back after the worst, most heart wrenching 12 months into a semblance of being actually, genuinely happy.

2) (OKAY NOW THE IRRITATED PART) Why the hell do people still think they own a piece of you after you’ve parted ways? I understand that there are a lot of very personal memories that have been shared with this person in my life, but that doesn’t mean he automatically gets to keep a part of me forever. That’s total romantic movie bullshit. My heart and any attached emotions were repossessed in the moments it took you to respond to the biggest statement I’ve ever made with the most disbelief I could possibly imagine from a man that led me on for 9 months of my life. No, you don’t still get to call me darling or gorgeous. No, you don’t get to think that when I’m fucking up I’m actually being adorable. No, you don’t get to plan a fun, cute future for us. Learn the boundaries I’ve set because I set them because of you, you massive wanker.

3) I lied. Go back to number one. While the biggest moment of my year *should* be my path to emotional healing, I think that it’s a four way split between that, finding medication that actually works for my stupid stomach problems, actually being open with myself and my friends about my placement on the grand spectrum that is sexuality, and, of course, the emotional trainwreck that was my attendance of those two Women’s World Cup matches. Emotional, medical, bisexuality, and soccer. Yeah, that seems about right for me.

4) I’m sorry I said ‘you’ so much in number 2. You’re not the douchebag, reader. You’re more than likely a perfectly lovely human being, but that seemed the best way to write it.