#here's your answer

Kitty Kitty hated the idea of a costume party, especially when it involved twenty or so of her neighbours and was at some half-baked celebrity’s house, but she’d had to admit that this hadn’t been half bad. Never one to sacrifice hotness for authenticity, she’d managed to finesse a pretty cute Tinkerbell costume out of an old green dress she’d forgotten she’d had and a pair of fairy wings, and after covering her face and cleavage with a generous layer of glitter, she’d felt hot enough to brave this holiday. Despite trying to dodge Ryder all night, Kitty still unable to break the mental block she had when it came to him after that night she’d kissed him, it had been a good party. After a few drinks in and a surprising encounter that she, uncharacteristically, thought could amount to a pretty good friendship, her cheeks were warm and she couldn’t help the way she grinned, walking away from her interaction with Sugar to the bar to grab another ‘Bloody Margarita’. Maybe she could pass through this night unscathed. Wasn’t that what anyone wanted on Halloween anyways?

Ryder Ryder was having an okay night. The drinks were good (it was a nice change not to have to make them himself), the music was decent and the house was huge and very well decorated. It had all the ingredients for an amazing night but something wasn't sitting right with him. Kitty still wasn't talking to him and it had begun to niggle at him constantly. It was putting a dampener on his party spirit. He just wanted to talk to her again, to joke around like they always did. Their go-to party activity was always judging other people together and it wasn't the same knowing that she wasn't speaking to him at all. This wasn't one of their normal fights either. They usually had small spats which were resolved as quickly as they started. This was possibly the longest they'd gone without speaking since they'd first met back in that studio all those years ago. The Kitty-sized hole in his life was becoming an issue, one that Ryder was keen to resolve. As luck would have it, he spotted the blonde heading for the bar and decided to do something about his concerns instead of moping around any longer. "S'up Wilde," Ryder said in greeting as he joined her at the bar. He was trying to keep it light, keep it casual. "How are you, are you having a good night?" Kitty Kitty was about to order her marg, waiting for the bartender to be finished with his current drink to take her order, when a voice shook her out of her thoughts. It was a familiar voice, and one that pulled on something inside her before her brain had been able to catch up and figure out who it was. Ryder. She sighed, closing her eyes momentarily, feeling that stabbing discomfort that seemed to find her any time he tried to reach out. She so badly wanted to end this and speak to him again, but stubbornness and embarrassment mixed with a weird heartbreak over the whole situation stopped her. She still couldn’t believe how badly she’d stepped in it. “Double shot of tequila.” She changed her order quickly as she got the bartender’s attention, before turning her head to face Ryder, but keeping her eyes downcast. “Yup, pretty good, celebrity parties always have the good alcohol.” She grabbed the shot as it was put in front of her, relieved and grateful for the bartender’s quickness, and raised it in cheers towards Ryder. “Happy Halloween.” She muttered, before turning away and throwing the shot back, wincing slightly but glad for the distraction as she started to walk away, in search of Dani or someone else to give her an ounce of cover from Ryder.

Ryder Ryder felt the increasingly familiar jab of... something (sadness? ennui? annoyance? all of the above?) in his gut as Kitty once more tried to get away from him. He quickly abandoned the bar without a drink to go after her, not willing to give up so easily on trying to talk to her. He'd had a few drinks already, probably a couple too many, which allowed him to be a bit more persistent than usual, his desire to talk to her and get back to 'normal' outweighing any desire to give her space. Hadn't she had enough space? It was getting ridiculous at this point. "Nice costume," He tried, deciding to try and get back into her good graces with a compliment. "You make a good Tink," Ryder added, trying to come up with a conversation topic since she clearly wasn't going to give him one. Plus it was true, she looked great in her outfit, even if it felt weird to say it in that many words. There seemed to be an awkwardness settling in between them, something he was desperate to get rid of now he'd gotten her on her own. "Thoughts on the DJ?" He asked, picking the first topic he could think of as music continued to blare out of the speakers. It seemed like a safe enough topic and judging other people's music choices had always been a pastime of theirs. Kitty Kitty had managed three steps away before she heard Ryder beside her again, and she sighed deeply, wishing she’d stayed at the bar, if for nothing else than the shots she’d need to make this conversation easier. She was glad the lighting was low in this room to mask the way the blood rushed into her cheeks as he complimented her costume. The truth was, he hadn’t been the furthest thing from her mind when she’d picked it, thanks to some irritating force of habit leftover from years of pining for him, trying to impress him. His words reminded her of that fact, she grit her teeth, feeling stupider and stupider for even allowing the thought to begin with. She didn’t reply to the compliment, crossing her arms and looking at the sparkly pom poms on her shoes, avoiding his eyes at all costs. His next question made her wince. God, he was really trying, and she wasn’t able to give back any of it. She took a deep breath, turning her head to look at the DJ. “Too many slow jams, not enough… Bowie.” She finished lamely. Even her quips had died a death. She forced a smile, glancing up momentarily before she fixed her eyes downward again. “Have a good party.” She replied, turning on her heel again and this time attempting a speed march away.

Ryder Ryder wanted to cringe at himself for this conversation. It was stilted and painful and nothing like their usual dynamic. Conversations with Kitty had always been fun, lively, and a back-and-forth between them. Now it was very one-sided, with Ryder putting in all the effort whilst Kitty continued to avoid interacting with him. That theme seemed to continue as she gave him a half-hearted response before once again turning and walking away from him. Ryder stared after her for a moment, confused about just how badly one ill-advised kiss had messed with things. But it shouldn't change things and he would be damned if he let a seven year friendship fizzle out over this. Something inside him snapped, needing a resolution to all this, more uncertainty would just drive him insane. If that meant confronting the elephant in the room then maybe it was time for him to force the issue. He rushed after Kitty, grabbing her by the forearm and pulling her towards a nearby door. He opened it, pulling Kitty through with him before shutting the door behind them. He wanted to be able to talk to her openly without worrying about people eavesdropping. The room they were now in seemed to be some kind of small library, a bookcase filling the wall opposite them. "Okay this is getting ridiculous. Can we talk about this?" He asked, searching Kitty's face for clues on how she was feeling. "Why won't you talk to me? Have I done something to upset you?"

Kitty Kitty had really thought she’d gotten away from Ryder, and had already started formulating a plan to sneak out the side entrance to call an Uber as soon as she could (better that than Lyft, she figured), when she felt a hand on her arm, pulling her away. She snapped her head towards her assailant, jaw dropping open as she realised who it was, and she twisted her arm around, trying to get him to let her go. “Lynn!” She exclaimed, trying a yanking motion as she felt herself be led into a side room. The door shut behind the two of them and she finally pried her arm free, yanking it away from him as she took a step backwards, eyes wide and staring daggers at him. “I’m gonna start screaming in a second.” She warned before he had the chance to speak. His words took her aback, however, and she immediately dropped her gaze from his eyes and stared instead at the collar on his shirt. She didn’t want to talk about this, she didn’t want to ever talk about any of this, it made her feel so heavy and sad and pathetic. However, instead of slinking away like she’d been doing for weeks, another part of Kitty took hold, probably thanks to the alcohol; an angrier, rawer, more heartbroken part of her who was just furious that she’d allowed this to happen, and furious at Ryder for poking her open wound. “Yeah, you wore a stupid fucking Halloween costume.” She retorted, not caring that the alcohol seemed to have taken the edge off her wit. “I’ve had a feeling you’d pull some dumb shit like a ninja turtle for the last few weeks and I didn’t want to fucking deal with it.” Her voice rose slightly, but she pulled her arms tighter around herself. She knew her words wouldn’t fool him for a second, but it was so much easier than telling the truth. Ryder The daggers that were being sent his way weren't exactly a surprise, Kitty likely wouldn't have wanted to be dragged in here against her will even if they were on good terms. But Ryder wasn't scared of her, and he wanted to fix whatever had gone wrong between them so putting up with a few dirty looks and eye rolls seemed like a small price to pay. It was certainly better than continuing with the silence that he'd received for the last month or so. Ryder raised an eyebrow as she insulted his costume, looking down at the green outfit with the fake yellow six pack glued to the outside. It hadn't been his original idea but Blaine had been looking for a third ninja turtle and he hadn't had any better ideas of his own. But even then, he knew Kitty was continuing to avoid the topic. This had all started the morning after he picked her up in Hollywood and there was only one reasonable explanation for what had triggered the silence. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you had such strong opinions on what costume I was going to wear," He replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes at her comment. "But we both know it's not really that so can we cut the bullshit? We've been friends for so long, you're one of my best friends actually, are you really going to never speak to me again because of that one kiss?" Ryder asked. Though in his opinion, calling it a kiss also made it sound bigger than it was, since he'd pulled away instead of reciprocating. "It doesn't have to be a big deal. It would have been a bad idea but you don't have to feel awkward about it." He said. "We all have bad ideas sometimes." Ryder added after a beat, trying to lighten the mood with a teasing joke.

Kitty Kitty rolled her eyes at his retort to her complaint about his costume before rolling them again as he called her out for being mad about something else. She had a feeling that this would be a long conversation of rolled eyes. She needed to do anything to deflect from the dull ache that throbbed in her gut. As the word ‘kiss’ left his mouth, she tightened her lips into a line, turning her head to look at the shelf of books to her right, eyes scanning over the rows of diet books and celebrity autobiographies as she listened, wishing she could vanish. She settled on some throwaway comment agreeing with him that it wasn’t a big deal, an empty promise to end the icy tension, followed by an exit home and a scroll through apartment listings to get away from him once and for all. However, the words ‘bad idea’ slipped out of his mouth, and her head snapped back to face him, an icy chill running through her veins. Her jaw clenched as he said it again, and she watched him for a moment. The embarrassment faded into the background, replaced by a deep-set sadness and a fiery anger. “Bad ideas?” She repeated after him, her voice cold and detached. She nodded thoughtfully, shifting on her feet as she tried to decide how to wield her anger, the alcohol in her system making it harder to do so. “You know what was a bad idea? Getting in that fucking car with you to begin with.” Her voice raised slightly before she frowned, her hands flying to her hips. “I didn’t want to fucking drive home with you, Ryder. I knew some dumb shit would happen. And you made me do it anyways.” She knew this wasn’t entirely fair, but it felt good to put the blame on someone else. “Yes, I shouldn’t have fucking kissed you, Lynn, but I wouldn’t have if you’d just let me call another fucking car and gone home alone. But no, you had to be Prince fucking Charming, a knight in shining armour. Don’t you get tired of always being such a fucking nice guy?”

Ryder Ryder hadn't intended to say the words bad idea, at least not out loud. He'd already swallowed them down once in the immediate aftermath of the kiss, but he hadn't been so careful this time. The alcohol had made his lips looser, and his mouth hadn't consulted with his brain before speaking. But he stood by the fact that it would have been a bad idea for a multitude of reasons. He didn't want to be another pawn in her game, and another conquest to be won. Not to mention their sobriety levels being on opposite ends of the spectrum that night. But her anger took him off guard, why was she getting so bothered by this? It was highly likely that she didn't hear the word no much; she was objectively hot and he imagined there were very few men or women who would turn her down once she made a move. Did not getting her way really annoy her that much? Ryder knew that she was mad the second he heard the shift in her tone and it poked at something inside him, putting him on the defensive before she'd even finished speaking. "You're seriously mad at me for not leaving you drunk and crying alone on a sidewalk in Hollywood to get a ride with a stranger?" Ryder asked incredulously. He couldn't believe she was giving him shit for picking her up when she'd been the one to call the car, even if she hadn't meant for it to be him. "I wasn't trying to be a knight in shining armour, I was just trying to be a good friend. You called me - you could have cancelled when you saw who they gave the ride to. Also I must have missed the memo where getting in my car made you kiss me. None of my other passengers seemed to suffer that side effect." He commented sarcastically. "And are you for real giving me shit for being nice to you? Would you rather I was an asshole to you instead? You seem to have that part covered though."

Kitty Kitty, once again, rolled her eyes, throwing her head back with exasperation as she did so. “Ryder, it’s LA, there are crying drunk girls calling Lyfts every five minutes, I would’ve been fine. Just like I’ve been every other fucking time you didn’t swoop in like Superman to rescue me.” Her blood was rushing in her ears at this point, and she paced slightly back and forth, eyes locked onto him, wishing once again that she’d picked shorter heels with her outfit. Everything Ryder was saying was making her want to bury her face in her hands and scream. Of course she didn’t cancel - she hadn’t seen it was him. Because nobody checks who their driver is before they get in the car, Ryder, so stop giving her shit for it. The issue wasn’t that getting in the car made her kiss him, Ryder, it was that he hadn’t listened to her when she’d tried to avoid it. It was all so frustrating. “I wish you were an asshole, then all of this would be easier.” She spat out. “People don’t stay friends after shit like this happens, Ryder. Call me an asshole all you want but at least I’m not pretending everything’s fine and like I’m the nice good guy who’ll fix everything by fucking smiling a lot.” She took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut and bringing a hand up to the bridge of her nose, trying to get her bearings again. “I know what I said in the car, after it happened, but I was wrong. We can’t stay friends and you need to stop trying to force it.” She dropped her hand, looking at him again, feeling an ache over her whole body as she said the words, knowing she wouldn’t be able to take them back.

Ryder Ryder watched as Kitty paced in front of him, feeling a little ridiculous that they were doing this whilst dressed as Tinkerbell and a ninja turtle of all things. But leaving it any longer would have driven him mad, and she would no doubt have continued to avoid him so he had to grab whatever opportunity he could. It was hard hearing Kitty call him out for trying to fix things with a smile, and memories of performing a Spice Girls song at karaoke last weekend crept into his mind. If she didn't want him to even smile at her, then singing Who Do You Think You Are in front of the whole group would definitely be worse, and some feelings of embarrassment began to creep in over his decision to do just that. He was desperate to hold onto what they had, something which was increasingly looking like a futile mission as she told him that they couldn't be friends anymore. It was like a bucket of cold water had been poured over him, which was only getting colder the more he processed what she was telling him. He stared at her in confusion, his brain desperately trying to come up with all the ways he could have misinterpreted what she had said. But all signs were pointing to the fact that they were done, and she was going to cut him out of her life. "What the fuck?" He felt a little anger of his own beginning to seep in. Anger at her, and also anger at himself for whatever part he played in them getting here. "I don't want to play your damn game so that's that? We've been friends for seven years and you're walking away over this? No offence but that's fucking stupid, get over it."

Kitty Kitty knew her words would hurt when she said them, but Ryder’s reaction took her aback nonetheless. She hadn’t expected the anger, or how strongly he expressed it, and kicked herself as she felt tears pricking her eyes. She turned away from him and looked up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly in the hopes that they wouldn’t fall and, at best, ruin her makeup or, at worst, betray how sad this whole thing was to Ryder. However, his words made her snap her head back, and she felt her frown deepen as she listened to him speak, wincing as he told her to get over it. If only he knew how hard she’d tried. How many men she’d dragged into bed to try and get over her feelings for Ryder, to rub out that corner of her mind he always occupied. Kitty knew he meant it in a different way, but the two couldn’t help but conflate in her mind. “What fucking game, Ryder?” She asked, the words bursting out of her in an emotional yell as she threw her arms back in a gesture of incredulousness. “What fucking game? I’m not playing games, I’m not fucking around, I just can’t-“ She cut herself off as a few stray tears fell down her face, and took a deep breath to compose herself. “I don’t want to fucking be friends with you after what I did. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin, I can’t fucking stand it.” She took another calming breath, one that did nothing of the sort, and a couple more tears fell. “I should’ve done this fucking years ago and then you’d just be some guy I used to know instead of all of this.”

Ryder Ryder was clutching at straws to try and retain what he had left of his relationship with Kitty and could tell that he was failing massively. Much to his despair and frustration, those straws were all falling around him. He didn't want her to disappear from his life, who would he quip back and forth with? He enjoyed her attitude because he knew that she could take it as well as she gave it out, and there were many occasions where they'd team up and judge other people together instead. She was one of his favorite people to spend time with and the idea that he wasn't going to have that anymore was devastating. "You're being kind of dramatic, what do you mean you don't want to be friends with me?" He asked, the statement hurting more than he'd expect. It felt like a knife to the gut. The anger she was throwing back at him was also confusing, with big gestures and even tears. "Instead of all what? I don't give in to your game and suddenly that's it? You're out? And don't what game me." He said, his frustration leaking through into his tone. "Girls always want what they can't have, right? Mike, Finn, Puck... it's basically just me left, your white whale. Puck cuts you off and suddenly you're moving onto me? Was Ferret Guy not a good enough replacement? Not a good enough lay? No fuck that, I'm not a fucking bed warmer to be tossed in the pile with everyone else once you've ticked me off the list." Ryder added, his frustrations turning into a vent as he finally put his cards on the table. "So if you don't want to be friends with me because your ego can't take that then you're not the person I thought you were." Kitty Kitty felt like the bandaid she’d attempted to put on her wounds after the car incident had been ripped off, and every word that Ryder said was another pinch of salt rubbed in. She knew that he hadn’t known how she felt this whole time, she’d gone to great pains to hide it, but to find out that all along, he’d thought this was some kind of twisted catch-em-all game to her? The mere fact that he thought she would put him through that was hurtful. As he listed the men she’d slept with, she felt heat rising in her cheeks, wishing she could take all of them back. His last words were like one final kick in the teeth. “Fuck you. If you think I’d do that to you then you’re not who I thought you were either.” She retorted in a burst of emotion. All of this was too much, it was too painful, and she barely considered her words before they spilled out of her. “Ryder, I don’t want to be friends with you because I’ve been fucking crazy for you for seven years.” She let her eyes meet his for a moment, before continuing. “I kept waiting for the right time and it kept not coming, and I kept fucking other guys and trying to get over it, but I couldn’t and I never could. And I’m sorry for the fucking kiss, I don’t know why I did it, but it ruined everything. And now I know you don’t want me, and I know I’m never going to get over it, so please just leave me the fuck alone and stop making this so goddamn hard.” As her last words left her mouth, she knew she didn’t want to stick around for his reaction. This was what she’d been so afraid of for so many years. Instead, she reached an arm out to gently but firmly push him aside so she could quickly step past him to reach the door, quickly making her exit from the room, looking for a way to leave the party with her head firmly down, hoping nobody would notice the streams of tears falling freely down her cheeks.