#here's this.

I was a huge shit in high school? And early college? Like Everyone who needs to know this probably already know this but I’m just like, now realizing. I went through a lot of bad scary things with someone I told no one in the world about for years and instead of being a normal person about it and talking I just kinda...lashed out? And acted highly emotionally and unintentionally manipulative? Like to my ex and to online friends who were trying to help and man. I’m sorry about all of that. If you know me now you’re a real MVP and I’m in a much healthier place but I do wish I could say sorry to all the people I hurt back then but I have like...No Means Of Contact. It’s just weird. I don’t think anyone is awake to see this but that’s how it goes. Well anyway if you know anyone who might’ve been hurt by me and they ever wanna talk uh. Let em know.

Anyway I graduated from college and I’ve just been thinking a lot. A ton. I was kinda a monster but also I was preyed on by a lot of people and naive and I entered college as a prick also because of it. College made me kinda scared and hurt me and made me feel weak again after so many years of starting to feel a little stronger. I was really suicidal for a while, but again I’m much better now. My music has been in a weird place and I haven’t been working as much as I’d like. I might have a thing? But I’m not sure yet. I think I’ve just been trying to be a better person and that’s also been, ironically, distracting me from my studies lol. I’m still walking but ya know.

Anyway I don’t know why I made this post on my public? I guess this is more a public apology, not a “oh woe is me” not a “gee I’m all better now forever!” or anything, just a well, I’m learning and was and am “Damaged”, but still doesn’t forgive my behaviors. Just hope everyone is doing well and also just a general message of if I snapped or was weird at you and you thought it was your fault dw, it was mine. And I think I can say that without breaking down or being silly or all “ohhhh I’m the WORST person in the world!!!” and any of that.

I’ve figured out some gender stuff too I guess? It took a while and I was in denial and also was very harsh and insecure about other people who had it figured it out, which sucks. I’m happy I’m here but also hope everyone else is doing well with that stuff too. It took me a long time but I was really agh. If you follow my twitter it’s pretty apparent by now but I don’t post here so I guess official announcement.