A couple miles down the road, Dean cranks up the heat. Sam shoots him a look. It's May; they don't need heating. Except, when you die, and you get send back, the cold lingers for a while. Dean's body knows he's been dead, like he's been dead a gazillion times over.

Some alpha male asshole with an overpriced Jeep is crowding too close to Baby. Dean signals, switches lanes, lets him pass. He's not driving slow exactly, but—ain't like there's anything to get back to.

His chest throbs.

Dean swallowed a painkiller dry before getting into the car, plus a little something extra to keep him awake. Sam is asleep already. At some point, Dean may hallucinate sheep again, but who the fuck cares. Sleep doesn't help. It's more cruel than anything, because it's never long enough, never deep enough, and the things he sees—and then he's got to get up again and it's just more of the same. Do the job, take care of Sam. Resist his stupid maternal urge that says take care of Jack too, while everything else in Dean screams no, not again. I can't. Stop pushing me.

Dear friends. Have I got a surprise for you!

(Nearly 3 years later, BUT HEY! I’d like to think it was worth it. ;D)

I knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww U FEEL MY PAIN <3

and he’s going home for a whole summer stuck under his mother’s thumb, and you know she’s going to be testing him and pushing him and disapproving of him the whole way through. and he’s trying so hard. my god, the kid just breaks my heart.

he doesn’t know better than the things he’s been told to think... but he’s definitely also got some pride that’s really getting in the way of him unlearning those things. admittedly, that pride is also something that's expected of him if he doesn’t want to disappoint his family - so it’s really hard for him to lay it aside... especially when he’s so young. he really really really needs to, though. come on, little Castiel, you can do it. I believe in you.

but HEY at least he’s got friends he can laugh with at school! and at least he has the memory of that time Dean lost at Exploding Snap to fall back on whenever he needs it. just. he was so purple.

Yeah! when I clicked on the link I was very afraid of what i’d see. I was ready to feel second hand embarrassment for you

5. What’s a crackship you love? 

Let’s go with The Impala/The Continental? Wait that’s super tragic since the Continental is still lost. And I headcanon that both Dean and Baby hate Cas’ truck (i mean we didn’t get the song Ballad Of The Truckdriver’s Wife on the show for nothing (”you leave your wife and kids at home/we play second fiddle to that truck you own […] just when we need you so/that’s when you have to go/and that’s how it is/when you’re married/to a truck driver man”)

14. (For authors) Post a line of dialogue from one of your WIPs without context. 

Ooooh you’re gonna love that one-i mean once i’ve finished writing and you get the context. oh did i say love? i meant hate. i can already hear you yelling at me ;)

3. Least favorite part of writing.

This might sound weird but- when i have to think about something?like most of the time i just listen to my instincts, like when i determine how a character would phrase something for example. but when the plot gets away from me and i realize it’s becoming complicated, it’s like my brain gets scared and all thought processes screech to a halt, and then i get stuck. like, i love case fics, they’re my fave, and i have one sitting in my drafts for months now, but every time i try to map out the actual case in my head, my brain goes nope, we can’t do this, it will suck -.-

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written. 

Aw man. I still owe you that answer from that other ask box game, I’m so sorry >. < but “line” at least narrows it down from paragraph or whatever it was the last time. I think i’m soft today and i’m going with this line from The Four Gardens Of The Moon:

“The hold of his fingers tightens around Castiel’s, roots of warmth reaching softly for the sky.”

50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

I think i’ve rarely had weird ones. jesus with a cheesestick, i’m lame.

maybe the one you already know about, where dean adopts thirteen immortal highly intelligent baby ducks? (or they adopt him more like)

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing? 

Okay, so, I started writing fic when I was like 16, so about 11 years ago. And there are a lot of things I could list that I know I’ve gotten better at, like show versus tell or stuff like that. But I think what was the most profound change of all was that at some point I started letting go of like, a lot of those conventional and static ideas about how a story should be written that I had mostly gotten from reading a lot of books. Fanfic is so liberating in that, and also part of the reason it’s often more, let’s say satisfying than regular books. I found my own style, or rather, my own voice. Ever since then, I also have a lot more trust in my writing, and I also think less about what other people might not like about it.

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.? 

Honestly? I think my narratives are simply never complicated :D Elaborate plots are just really not my forté (it’s a skill I admire in others but I’m okay with not being good at it). No really, as soon as a story becomes too complicated, I lose the ability to write it. I don’t plan my stories, I feel them out. If I have to think too much about something, I lose the connection with it. But so far it hasn’t been a problem, since my stories are very character focused and objectively speaking not a lot of things actually happen. As for keeping track of stuff, I re-read my own stories A LOT before I post them.

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write? 

Hm. I think so far I’ve never had to write about anything that made me uncomfortable. Like, it’s happened that I had to skip a scene when reading someone else’s fic, or had to stop reading altogether, because something was triggering, or at least distressing to me. But since when I write something myself I have the control, it’s a lot easier even when I’m writing stuff like the first part of the beast and the burden, which hit really close to home to how I was feeling back then (and therefore, was both incredibly intense and cathartic to write).