#hellllllllo

“Y/n, take deep breaths. Deep. Breaths.” Hani spoke soothingly. You took shaky deep breaths. It wasn’t ideal, but Hani still complimented your efforts. “Okay, listen to me babe, it’s okay, okay?”

You let out a sharp sob. “It’s not okay, Hani. I promised you that I wouldn’t cross any lines and—and then I fucking kissed Yoongi!” Your breathing became jagged again and there was a harsh pain in your stomach almost making you want to vomit.

Hani let out a sigh. “Fuck the promise, y/n. Give yourself—and Yoongi—some time for yourselves. You said that he didn’t push you away, right? He kissed you back?” You subconsciously nodded your head. “It’s obvious that he’s feeling something or has something going on in his mind and you two need to talk things out. It may not be now or tomorrow, but you will need to.”

You stayed quiet, letting yourself catch your breath and let her words sink in.

“Promise me this. No matter what you two talk about, just keep me in the loop. You can tell me as little or as much as you want. I just don’t want you spiraling.”

“I—I promise, Hani.” You lifted your head, feeling the strain on the back of your neck from keeping your face buried in your arms for too long.

“Good. Now get a good night’s rest. Once your head hits that pillow bam! You’re out.” Hani laughed.

“Yeah.” You chuckled, finding the strength the smile again. “Yeah, I will. Thank you, Hani. For everything.” Fresh tears began to brim your eyes and you weren’t even sure why this time.

“Anytime. Love you!” Hani sang and you whispered love you, too before hanging up.

Besides the heavy rain beating against your windows, your dorm was back to being quiet and lonely. You finally stretched out your legs and pulled the collar shirt up to your eyes and used it to wipe away any tears.

Out of all of the dumb things you’ve done in your life, this one takes the cake. Yoongi was already dealing with a lot on his plate and you just had to kiss him, thus adding more stress and confusion. You thought back to the moment you opened your eyes while kissing him and how angelic he seemed to look with his eyes closed. You loved the image so much, it made you feel even worse.

Hani was right. You needed some sleep after crying for what seemed to be hours. She was also right about needing time before talking to Yoongi. Even if you wanted to call him, he really did need more time to process things and come to terms with himself. You blew out a shaky breath and stuffed your phone in one of the pockets of your sweats.

“Good night to me, I guess.” You mumbled. You stood up and not long after standing, there were three loud knocks at your door. Being as exhausted as you were, you almost didn’t want to open your door, but your gut told you to open it.

You unlocked your door with weak fingers and was greeted with a very wet version of Yoongi. His entire body was soaked from head to toe and there was a puddle that was starting to form from where he was standing. He kept his eyes at his toes and his arms were kept to his sides. It didn’t register at first, but it finally hit you that the boy who just kissed less than an hour ago was standing in front of you.

“Oh my god, Y-Yoongi!” You blurted out and pulled him in by the hem of his t-shirt. “You’re going to get sick. Go to the bathroom and I’ll see if I can find some of your old clothes in my closet...and I don’t mean to be uptight, but don’t bring your shoes throughout my dorm, okay?” You waited for a verbal response, but instead, he began to fumble with his shoes and that gave you the cue to search for his clothes.

Is this a sign? You rummaged through your closet to find any of his shirts that you didn’t alter. Yoongi showed up to your dorm a lot earlier than what you had planned in your head and he wasn’t saying anything either. Maybe he was still shock? Shit, you still were.

You were able to find his university t-shirt, a pair of basketball shorts, and boxer shorts that you stole because you liked the donut design. You peeked from your room and saw your bathroom light on and the door opened about an inch. You approached slowly and quietly and knocked softly.

“Yoongi?” Your voice came out as a whisper. “Here you go. You can just use my towel and then have a seat in my room. I’m going to make you something to eat.” There was still no verbal response from Yoongi. He slightly opened the door and held out his hands for you to hand over his clothes. You waited a short while before heading back into your kitchen to heat up a hot pocket and brew two cups of coffee.

Seeing Yoongi at your door, your first instinct was to ask why he was here, but seeing his appearance changed your priorities. From what you could see, there was a distant look in his eye. He seemed out of it—like the air was knocked right out of his lungs. You didn’t want to pry, but your gut was telling you it had something to do with Seolhyun considering he left your dorm to see her. Sadly, you didn’t have the heart to confront him about him relationship because of what you did. You stopped halfway towards your room thinking about Seolhyun. What if she broke up with him because of what you did? Oh god…

You swallowed the lump in your throat and proceeded to your room where Yoongi was sitting on your bed with your towel draped over his head. He had his focused stilled on his lap or his feet—either way, he was looking down. You walked over towards your night stand to place the tray of coffee and food and he didn’t react to your presence at all.

“Y-Yoongi.” You choked on his name and cleared your throat. “C-Can I sit?” Your voice was trembling and you didn’t even realize it.

Yoongi nodded his head and reached for his coffee without saying a word. The air around you was thick and stale; you could reach out and grab it. When you sat on your bed, you kept at least two feet between you two, you kept your knees together and pointed in the opposite direction of Yoongi.

Besides the rain and Yoongi’s occasional sips of coffee, it was dead silent and it was driving you crazy. You fought with yourself on the inside trying to figure out what to say and how to say it. Asking him how he was doing didn’t seem fair and starting off with a casual “hello” didn’t seem right either.

“U-Um—”

“She was having sex with Seung Ho.”

Yoongi’s words were flat and it rang through your head like a flatline. Your jaw dropped slightly and your eyes widened. Out of all the things he could have said, those words were the last you ever expected to hear.

“I’m—Yoongi, I’m so sorry.” You turned your body to face him and for the first time, Yoongi finally looked at you. His eyes were glazed and wore an expression of disbelief.

“Seolhyun… she cheated—in her dorm, she was having—” Yoongi chewed on his bottom lip, trying to make sense of it all and honestly, you didn’t know how either. He brought one of his hands to cover his eyes and it broke your heart. Yoongi was never like this. He never showed any weakness in a form of sadness so this sight was difficult.

You carefully reached over and took the coffee mug out of his hand. It was a risky move to have physical contact with him, but he needed comfort, so you reached out and hugged him close to your shoulder. He wrapped his arms around your middle and his muffled sobs filled the room.

You felt horrible. First, you kissed Yoongi, completely throwing himself off his game. Then, when he goes to meet with his actual girlfriend, he finds out that she had cheated on him that night. Maybe she did this to get back at him for always hanging out with you? No, no, y/n. Focus on Yoongi. Stop overthinking.

It took awhile for Yoongi to calm down, but you sat there quietly, rubbing his shoulders. He later released you but kept face near the crook of your neck.

“Do you want some water, Yoongs?” You whispered.

“No.” He sniffed. “No, I’m okay.” He took shallow breaths and you gently rubbed the back of his neck, still feeling the wet ends of his hair.

“I’m gonna grab by blow dryer. I’ll dry your hair now so you can get some rest.” You shifted your weight to let him know you were going to stand up, but circled on of your wrists with his hands.

“You’ve been crying.” Yoongi’s blood shot eyes stared into your own. Right now wasn’t the best time to talk about your incident, so you pressed your lips together and wriggled yourself free before he could say anything else.

Thankfully, Yoongi’s hair was short which meant drying his hair didn’t take eight hours. As soon as you were done, Yoongi quickly finished his hot pocket and you cleared the dishes. While drying the cups, you took a second to collect your thoughts. You weren’t ready to talk about the kiss so you had to make sure to keep the focus on Seolhyun. Yoongi was in a painful situation, now was not the time to bring up your inability to have self control.

By the time you entered your room, Yoongi was lying down near the wall with his hands resting on his stomach and eyes glued to the ceiling. Was it selfish of you to want to want to sleep on the couch?

“Y/n?” Yoongi’s voice startled you.

“Y-Yeah?” You tiptoed over the empty spot on your bed and you sat down with your legs crossed.

“I’ve been a horrible boyfriend, haven’t I?” You had to fight the urge to shove him or raise your voice at him.

“No? What the hell, Yoongi? What are you even saying?!” The tone in your voice sounded a bit too agitated for your liking.

“I mean, I must’ve done something wrong for her to cheat on me. I should’ve paid more attention to her or maybe—” Not wanting to hear anymore, you reached over to put your hand over his mouth.

“Jesus, Yoongi, listen to me.” You sighed. “You gave her so much of her attention, but she made the choice spend her time elsewhere. Cheating is also a choice and just like she made the decision to do other things, she chose to have sex with Seung Ho.” Talking about cheating burned a hole in your heart because hell, you fucking kissed the dude. You told yourself to wait, but the apology inside of you was ready to burst.

“Yoongi, I’m—I’m sorry for kissing you.” You didn’t stop there. “Kissing you was way out of line and I made that choice to do it, so I don’t even know why I’m sitting here trying to lecture you about choices when I made the dumb decision to—”

Yoongi sat up quickly and it was his turn to cover your mouth with his hand. “It’s okay, y/n. I promise you it’s fine.” For the first time since he arrived, he smiled. It was a weak one, but you were glad to see the corners of his mouth stretch upward. “I uh, I had to tell Seolhyun what happened, but I told her that I kissed you instead.”

Your eyes widened to its fullest potential and your jaw dropped. “Oh god, Yoongi. Why would you say that? It—It was my fault—”

“Hey, hey, calm down, it’s alright. It’s kind of true anyway, I did...kiss you…” He whispered quietly at the end. “And I felt guilty for that, so I knew I had to tell Seolhyun. I never thought… in a million years that she would…” You subconsciously reached out to hold his hand and before you could come to your senses, he held it.

“Did she say anything to you?”

He scoffed. “I barely let her talk, but she was pressed about me kissing you. That’s about it.” The crease in between his eyebrows deepened. “I felt guilty for kissing you, while she and Seung Ho…”

“Yoongi, I’m really really sorry that you had to witness all of that…” You said sadly.

“I ended it right there.”

You sighed quietly and gripped his hand a bit tighter. What more could you tell him? It was quiet after that and you both just sat there, holding each other’s hand. Yoongi seemed to have calmed down since his breathing pattern returned to normal and the grip on your hand was more relaxed. You weren’t sure what to say next. Ask him if he wanted to sleep? If he wanted more coffee?

Yoongi shuffled himself lower onto the mattress to lie down flat on his back. This position had you slouched over because he still didn’t let go of your hand, so you joined him. The rain was still hitting hard against the window and the sound was almost soothing to your ears. You closed your eyes for a few seconds to breathe everything in and the next thing you knew, it was four in the morning.

The rain made your room a lot colder than normal and when you wiggled your toes to stretch, it almost felt frozen. You tried to adjust your eyes to the darkness and searched for something, anything, to focus on. You looked down to find an arm slung over your stomach and a full head of hair near your chest.

“Oh, Jesus…” You breathed out quietly. It occurred to you that it was Yoongi who was curled up next to your side and you almost didn’t notice your arm underneath his neck. When the hell did you fall asleep and how did you get into this position with Yoongi?

If you attempted to extract your arm from underneath him, there was a chance he was going to wake up, but you really needed to pee.

Careful, y/n, careful. You sucked in a breath and began to gently pull your arm back. There didn’t seem to be a change in the weight of Yoongi’s neck on your arm and you realized that you had to pull harder to actually make some progress.

I should just do this fast like a bandaid. You readied yourself and took a few deep breaths. Like a bandaid. Even after your little pep talk, you couldn’t bring yourself to wake him up in such a sudden manner.

“Yoongi.” You whispered. “Min Yoongi.” He stirred and hugged you tighter for a few seconds before rolling over to rub his eyes. “Sorry, I need to pee.”

Without a word, Yoongi stretched upward and sat up to set you free. When you got up, you glanced at Yoongi who was sitting up with his eyes closed and eyebrows knitted together. You smiled, was it wrong to love how cute he looked in that moment?

As you washed your hands, you stared in your mirror. Your eyes were red and there was a significant amount of puffiness that came from crying earlier. God, you spent almost an hour crying to Hani about the boy you kissed and now he was the same boy who was attached to your waist as you slept.

What the hell were you going to do? Kick him out once the sun came up or leave for class before he woke up and hope he leaves while you’re in class? This made you realize that you had math 102 and that meant you were going to face Seung Ho. Great, just great.

You walked back into your room to find Yoongi sitting against your head board with your blanket over his shoulders. He noticed you walk in and opened his arm to have you sit beside him.

“You have class tomorrow. You should sleep.” You said as you crawled in next to him.

“Yeah, so do you.” Yoongi dropped the blanket around you and kept his arm around your shoulders. “But, I don’t feel like going.”

You nodded and almost leaned onto his shoulder, but stopped. You already held his hand and slept with him, now was not the time to get even more comfortable. His hand crept up to touch your cheek and made you lean onto his shoulder. Could you fall in like with him even more?

“I wish I could say the same.” You chuckled.

“Do it.” Yoongi spoke softly. “Just stay.”

You wanted to look at him, but you couldn’t, especially after what he said. How could he tell you stay that naturally and not expect you to feel shy about it.

“Sorry, Yoongs. I skipped my math class a bit too much so I could study for an exam for my psychology class.” It was true, you really couldn’t afford to skip another math class that used attendance as extra credit points. Which meant you had no choice but to see Seung Ho unless he decides to skip class.

“Seung Ho is in your math class, right?” His question surprised you because it was like he read your mind.

“Yeah… he is.” You answered. “I—I won’t talk to him though, not unless he talks to me first.” Yoongi just rubbed your shoulder and blew out a breath.

You could still hear the soft pitter patter of the rain against your window and the atmosphere was making your eyes feel heavy again.

“I should get some sleep.” You whispered. “Since I have class and all.”

“Yeah, of course.” Yoongi released you so you could get comfortable on your side of the bed. Before settling himself in his spot, he pulled your blanket over your body and put to your shoulders. He sunk down beside you and turned his body to face in your direction. You could see the whites of his eyes and the faint color of his pupils. It was so mesmerizing, you almost didn’t shut your eyes.

“Good night.” Yoongi said softly.

“Good night.” You replied, slowly fluttering your eyes closed.

It was still baffling to know that Seolhyun cheated on Yoongi. It made you wonder how long it was going on and at the same time you couldn’t help put piece together the times where she would blow him off or lie about where she was. Yoongi didn’t deserve any of this and all you wanted was to make the hurt go away. But how could you? You kissed him, thus creating a whole new surface of hurt and confusion.

Why couldn’t you have met Yoongi years ago?