#hellfest 2014

Vomit. Piss. Cigarette butts. A cocktail of aromas that the imagination could not fathom without treading the nasal tracts of a hay fevered giant with a penchant for ten thousand year old camembert infused the sun baked fields of Hellfest. 

Zodiac charged into the Valley and spread riffular delight on the dried up toast of hungover revellers. Blues Pills resurrected the blues and spun a golden web of beer stained fancy onto the main stage and Crowbar added the first layer of fuzz onto a day hirsute with desert worn amps and vintage guitars.

Perhaps a festival programmer was making a cruel but apt joke when Seether and Repulsion were scheduled to play at the same time. Thankfully I wasn't there to see how imperfectly horribly Seether were. 

The addition of House of Broken Promises to the bill was no joke however, and the band filled the entire Valley tent with dancing fans and the familiar sound of the desert. A special mention to Arthur Seay of both HoBP and Unida for having the best beard that's ever happened in the history of time and space.

Dozer kept the beards and unkempt fuzz riveted to the Valley stage as Behemoth filled the main arena with fire and references to Satan. Shuddering Rickenbackers and tight white vest tops kept the unwashed aches of the audience on the edge of their beers with an evening already bursting at the bowels with an abundance of riff. 

Wino is 78% of all the bands. If there is a band then Wino has probably been in it. Wino looks like a wolf that's been injected with several gallons of liquidised methamphetamines and then left to dry in an apricot factory. Wino probably tastes like a poppyseed and heroin cheesecracker dipped in 700 year old malt whiskey. Spirit Caravan were really good. 

The mysterious and cruel festival programmer once more played an evil joke on Sunday evening of Hellfest 2014. The exalted gods of heavy metal, Black Sabbath, clashed with half the set of desert dwelling forefathers of fuzz: Unida. Both bands kicked up a storm of wonder and awe. Sabbath conjured the ancient glory of the past, from whence the lineage of all that has ever populated Hellfest came and then cast it into the warm night.