#hell never ends

but now my friend is feeling awful and he called me but i cant get him up because i already cant do it when im okay

so basically now im getting increasingly depressed, im already washing dishes during the call to distract myself

theres nothing i can do or say

I can just listen to him and sometimes say things like “but you do matter” just to be smacked down again and when I say something and being told that “this is not about you” as soon as i try to make comparision as if what I’m trying to do was just selfish and cheap and making things worse

20 minutes ago I was fine

now I wanna cry again and I feel all the pain in my body again

I wanna help people but I in fact cant, telling people i cant help will make me sound selfish so i help just to go back to panic and depression