#heattbreak

I need to start trying to get over you

I use to think marriage is being with someone you truly love and being happy together for forever. But thats the thing, when you really think about it, forever is such a long time. What if you just wake up one night tired of the same old routine? What if in the middle of it you just lose interest? What if you could never accept the flaws? What if this life you entered will never be enough for you and you'd have no other way out so you'll just have to spend your whole life pretending- always pretending. Isn't that why most marriages didn't work out. Its easy to fall in love but once you fall out of it- its hard to fall back in love again. I don't know just...Never's and Forevers scares me.

It is kinda sad that I was in a relationship where the first time he tried to break up with me, he told me I had become complacent with the way I looked. That my acne was at its worst and I didn't wear flattery clothes. He literally took my biggest insecurity about myself and made it a big deal in our relationship. He made me feel so insecure. Now I can't help but think...how is anyone ever going to be interested in me??? He said the worst things anyone has ever said to me in a relationship. That marrying me would be a compromise. A sacrifice. Will I ever be enough?

The real problem with cheating isn't breaking the trust you had with that person... It's that love is such a beautiful,crazy feeling. It's WONDERFUL! Imagine feeling like a million dollars every day, and then suddenly, that feeling is gone. Now, love is pointless to you. You think "hey, well,why should I try, my heart's just going to get broken." And that is the worst feeling of all.

I seriously think some people would rather be in fucked up situations - so that they have an excuse to do trifling shit rather than be in something real. I'm learning so much this year I tell ya . I got a long way to go but I'm coming along. No this isn't about me...I'm just watching those around me. I'm just at a place where it's like get what you want. You want shit- eat shit. You want something real good luck! This concept of "Love" some can't give it and some can't receive it Will.