Are You Who You Want to Be
I went to a concert last night and had heard the lyrics to this song a thousand times before. But this time the artist went and stood in the crowd and walked and pointed at people and asked, “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” It was the first time that I realized that I wasn't quite who I wanted to be. Who do you want to be?
I want to be free. I know that I am free but I don't act like it a lot of time. I stand still and quiet and go with the flow. My heart tells me to jump and to throw my hair around and to stand up and shout and to dance. But my brain shuts me down. I followed my heart to Ireland where I really found God and began my relationship with him. Honestly he put things in my heart, not my brain. I love him and want to follow him with my heart. So I think for me to be who I want to be I need to all out follow my heart. In relationships I listen to my brain. The last one I really only listened to my brain. My heart yearned for something more. More attention, more love, more of things he could never give me. It wasn't his fault we just weren't made for each other. (Yes I do believe I was made for someone and he was made for me. I know life isn't a Disney story but I have one prince out there and he is on his way to me). So when we went out or made out my heart said stop but my brain said we are good friends, this can work if we make it. But honestly why would you try and make yourself love someone like that? I do love him and thats what I kept telling myself. But I don't love him and want him to be that person in my life. I love him like a brother. I want him in my life for as long as he wants to stay.
So to wrap things up neatly, I want to be the girl that follows her heart over her head. I want to get the cool tattoos and the fun piercings. I want to be edgy. I want to be seen as a free beautiful bird. I know thats how God sees me and thats how I want others to see me. I want to be different and shine in it.