Photo Credits: Jim Cumming, Aline Bedard, Brian Hall, Ron Gallagher, David Burt, Jake Putnam, Megan Lorenz, Anne Dorcas
If you've been following this blog for more than a couple of weeks, then this post will come as no surprise to you. I've been using tags and writing posts as if I've already confirmed the red fox as a theriotype, but that actually isn't the case. I really wanted to wait and give myself time to determine if this was a cameo coming back or potentially the season affecting how I feel, but it's been three months, I've graduated college, and now that it's my awakening anniversary, the same day I first confirmed this species nine years later, I feel it's time to officially announce.
I've spent some time to myself, really looking into my identity and who I am over the course of my final college semester, and I feel like my therian birthday/awakening anniversary just after my graduation from college is a good time to graduate from my state of questioning. I've done some in-depth research on therian terminology as well as watched and tracked my shifts, my moods, my days, and more, and through that I've come to a conclusion.
Foxes are my theriotype and wolves are a heartedtype, alongside horses. I used to consider vultures, bats, and even marine mammals to be the same, but with some time to really look into the term itself and the experiences of other otherhearteds, I realize they're simply animals I like and relate to and have had some influence in my life. I've found horses to fit under the heartedtype label due to the longevity and intensity of their influence on my life, as they've done so since I was a small child, and my connection with them, and wolves are similar. Otherhearted people have described their heartedtypes as just shy of theriotypes, something they felt like they almost were, something they longed to be, something they 'ought to be, but aren't. Many describe seeing themselves in their heartedtypes, thinking like them, even having shifts. Many said that they feel more deeply and strongly about them than they do their own theriotypes, and though I could say that's how I feel with foxes, it honestly fits wolves better. Though I feel they look like me, they don't feel like me more than foxes. My behaviors, vocalizations, and just general feelings all point to me being a fox, but not a wolf.
Wolves are a recent thing, red wolves in particular being discovered by me in college, just before I first questioned them. In college, I had to be in friend groups for my own human social needs, and I think that caused me to think of myself as more social than I really am. In my final semester, I wasn't in any groups, I barely attended clubs, most of my time was spent by myself in my dorm working on my thesis with my mate as one of the only people I talked to at all, and that's when I started seeing myself as a fox again. My life became wrapped around wolves as I prepared for my thesis, and I think that deep appreciation and connection for the species led my brain to becoming confused as to what I am. I think that earlier in the year, when I said I might consider myself a wolf because I want to be one and have it easier in the community and be seen as cooler and more powerful, I was right. I never really thought of myself as a wolf when I was younger, even when I knew less about myself and both wolves and foxes and I was aware of them and their ability to be red-furred and enjoy water, whereas with foxes, there was no question that I was one when I first awakened. I just always knew, but it was never the same when it came to wolves. I love wolves, they're amazing animals, but they just aren't me. I don't see myself in how they act, how they live. From sociality to vocalizations to especially body features like the tail, they get trumped by foxes.
Otherheartedness has been something I've struggled to comprehend for some time. I've struggled with finding that line between an animal I like and one I'm connected to and one I identify as. It's like looking at a blonde as a ginger. I identify with them, we both have light hair, but I can't put myself under their specific label, because though we are similar, I don't have the same feelings and experiences as them. It's an inconsequential thing, but if someone were to say I was blonde, I'd feel they were wrong, because I know myself to be a ginger, even though I wouldn't mind or care if I was blonde. I feel similarly with wolves. I can see myself as one, I can look at one and think "that looks like me", I am a canine like them, but I'm not one myself, I don't have the same feelings and experiences as them, and I can't ignore that fact anymore. My friends, family, even my mate all can see the fox that I am, so much that even those who don't know I'm an animal consider me to be like one. I rarely get that with wolves unless I make it obvious, to the point that my mate has made sure to ask me and clarify that yes, I do see myself in wolves and consider them part of my therianthropy.
Of course, this is something I've honestly known for a few months now, since September, but with four years identifying as each species, I really wanted to take my time with my questioning. I didn't want to just give into my rose-colored nostalgia goggles and drop one label for the other because it had been my theriotype before or because it had been my theriotype for so long. I think that was the right choice for me, waiting. I also think I was right in getting off Instagram for this. That's where most of my therian journey has been, some posts dating back to 2018, before I even knew red wolves existed, and while I love that side of the community, I've made some genuine friends on there, it's addicting to post as often as you can with big, grand essays about your identity, especially when it comes to questioning and confirming and having some news to share, rather than little side posts whenever you feel the need to post about anything you want. In that way, I think I prefer Tumblr. Not only do I not really waste anything by posting something small three times a day about how I'm feeling and what shifts I've had, but it's not a numbers game. I don't have hundreds of followers to write super eloquently for. I love my essays, just take a look at this post, but it's nice to be able to go back to my roots and embrace my younger self, the little kit who told everyone how she had a super fun mental shift and of her new tail and about the epiphany she had that morning at breakfast. The switch helped me reconnect with the part of me that first awakened and knew without hesitation that she was a red fox. I've missed her, and I hope that if she could see me now, she'd think I'm everything she wants to be when she gets older.
That leaves me with one conclusion; I am a red fox, just like I thought and said back when I first awakened. They are so very near and dear to me, and I have a deep, rich, and complex history with them. The universe, fate, whatever you call it, has put them in my life for years. From the first time I ever saw wildlife other than a squirrel or backyard bird, to my awakening, to when my mate immediately guessed I was one when I told him about therianthropy, they've always been there. Wolves are one of my favorite animals, the defining animal of my college years, the species I dedicated my senior thesis to, and they have had a big impact on my life, but they are not what I am. I share certain behaviors with them, but I believe they more than likely only feel like me because they are so alike the human world and body and mind I was born into. It's easy to behave similarly to them when we share the same nuclear family, dispersal style, socialization behaviors, and body types. Foxes are so different from humans, and I think that as I learned how to hide my animality and assimilate into human society, especially in college when friend groups feel the most like temporary dispersal wolf packs, I forgot just how different my natural instincts are from humans. I am a solitary, red-furred, water-loving, forest-dwelling, little hunter.
TL;DR I am a red fox therian who is otherhearted to wolves and horses.
