#heaetbreak

Suddenly you stop in your tracks and turn on your heels. And there it was. That look. The look he’s given you three times now. He stares at you with irritation but his brows aren’t furrowed. He’s calm, but you can see through his tense shoulders that his patience is thinning. He’s still standing straight as a pin, his long hair draped over his shoulders. Like a curtain just covering the window enough to let the sun shine through. His face is stone cold with hardly any expression on it. One that you couldn’t read at least. You only just met him days ago.

He made you nervous, and for the first time you had to avert your gaze from his. Feeling the fire radiating off of him. “Aren’t you going to lead the way Mr. sully?” You finally say; that same sarcasm returning to your voice. Pinning your hands behind your back and kicking a rock near the bottom of your foot. Still not looking at him.

You’re left with silence, to which you’re then forced to look at him again. His face unmoving. He did that familiar stance, clasping his hands together and resting them at his hips. His face studying you. You thought to yourself, that he just may be more stubborn than you. Fine, two can play at that game.

“You insisted on leading the way, since you’re always so sure of yourself.. I let you” he finally states. His expression never wavering. You could sense he was growing more and more irritated with you by the second.

“That was after you touched me, twice without permission. Since this is your idea let’s get a move on. Yes?” You exclaim, giving him the same energy he’s giving you. He may be stubborn but this was your game and NO ONE. And I mean no one plays this game better than you. You’d stand here all day having a stare down if it was really up to you.

Neteyam is still unmoved as if he were waiting for something. Either way you started to feel unsettled and wished this moment away a thousand times in your head. Hoping eywa will finally have mercy on you.

During this awkward encounter you didn’t notice neteyam stepping closer to you. You were more focused on pushing a tiny pebble around under your feet. Because you’d do anything than to see that look on his face. It wasn’t until you’re practically head butting him as you look up. He was so close to you, that you could see every freckle on his face. Every single eyelash and stitch of his braids. The individual carved beads that you notice has his initials craved into them.

You were staring, and for the first time you found it hard to look away. “I make you nervous.. don’t I?” he finally says. Studying your face which in an instance turns cold. Sour that yet again you’ve been caught by this fool. I mean what is it about Sully that had you intrigued? Was it his balant disregard for your attitude? Or was it because you wanted to see how far you could actually push him until he faltered. You didn’t care enough right now to let this continue.

You rest your hands on his chest to push him away, trying to create more distance. Then suddenly to your surprise he grabs both wrists and keeps them locked on his chest. Staring holes into your soul, refunding that same stone cold look to you.

Trying to get out of his grasp you try your best to wiggle free. Pushing your arms down by your elbow and pushing against him. To no avail though. To say he was strong was an understatement.

“Dude, you’re hurting me” you whine, trying your best not to look weak in front of him. And all you could think of is how you’ll make him pay for touching you a third time.

He didn’t budge. Turning his head his lips form into an “o” shape and with a few clicks on his tongue his ikran comes down from whatever place it had been resting. Landing near the two of you. Blowing a gust of wind though your hair. Making you shiver. A perfect way to make you look weak in the grasp of this man, this stranger that you just wanted to stop touching you.

Neteyam throws your hands back away from his chest causing you to lose your balance; but catching yourself this time.

“And don’t touch me anymore, got it? He spews, venom in his voice; before he walks to greet and mount his ikran. You huff a piece of hair that had fallen in front of your face and straighten yourself back out. Trying your hardest not to look stunned. Because you were and boy; did that piss you the fuck off.

“Hii my beautiful Riaia” neteyam lets out as he calms his ikran. Stroking her tendrils and giving her a soft peck on the top of her head. Fastening his wind glasses and tightening her harness. He was gentle and sweet to his ikran; but he almost just made you fall for the second time. What a gentleman. You thought to yourself. This is the man your parents wanted you to be mated with?

“Aren’t you coming?” Neteyam says snapping you out of your trance. You found yourself losing focus; too often for your liking. Drifting off lately having to be brought back to pandora. This wasn’t like you. You’re usually always on point, a hair never being out of place. Whatever was happening, you didn’t like. And from here on out you’ll make sure your walls stay put. Where they’re supposed to be. Where you’ve laid the concrete yourself years ago.

You say nothing as you fix your bow around your back. And make your way to Neteyams ikran. You grab hold of its harness and try to pull yourself up. This ikran was much larger than yours. The size throwing you off. It took a time or two for you to finally make your way up. You nestle your body in front of neteyam, trying to leave a small gap in between the both of you. The no touching rule would be hard with this one. But you took your place anyway.

“Thanks for the help” you exclaimed; sarcasm on your tongue. All neteyam does it laugh and before you know it you’re being shot into the air. No time to prepare and losing your grip. Your body hunched over as you tried to hold tight to the handle of the harness causing you to slump forward.

Your eyes widen as you realize Neteyams chest is now purchased on your back. There being no more distance between the two of you anymore. His strong arms on either side of you. Your body being much smaller than his, you felt like a child again, sitting in front of your father during your first ride on an ikran.

You slide forward slightly trying to get that space back. Suddenly you feel a strong arm wrap around your waist that pulls you back. Being nestled right where you didn’t want to be. Before you could protest the ikran makes a sharp turn, inclining downward sending a chill through your spine.

When you started to learn how to ride an ikran, you made it a point not to be reckless. You flew with caution. A fear your mother embedded into you over the years. Her literally begging you to be smart, use your brain and not to fly reckless. This was all foreign to you; and you weren’t sure how you’d make it through without vomiting.

The sudden change in speed made you wince and close yours eyes, allowing neteyam to keep you nestled tight to his chest.

“Please.. Do not move” he says and to your own surprise you wanted to listen. You were terrified and cold. Teeth chattering as neteyam made his way through the floating mountains. His arm felt strong around your petite waist. Making eye contact to where you two met, noticing how small you actually looked against him. It made you blush. The last time you felt like this was when you were 6 and you stole a kiss from another village boy. Only difference is; neteyam didn’t wipe his mouth and run away crying to his parents.

This was different. In this situation you didn’t mind. Neteyam was older than you by two years and he’s had more experience flying. For a moment you allowed yourself to feel safe, allowing him to take control. Not something you allowed anyone in your life to do. But neteyam was hard, hard headed like you and for the first time the thought crossed your mind that you’ve finally, after years of walking around with the brain of a bull. Stubbornness being your personality. It was now that you know; you’ve met your match.

———————

Before you know it, you’ve landed. Neteyam dismounting his ikran first and holding a hand up to you to help you down. You ignored his gesture and hopped off on your own. Landing gracefully; feet first and without wobbling. Nailed it. You thought. Your old thought process slowly making its way back to you. That wall still being firm. Adamant that you won’t let this boy get his way.

“Where are we?” You ask, confused with the scenery. Again you didn’t get out much. Your parents hardly let you leave too far without a hunting group and your siblings. You didn’t have much desire to go exploring either. Only doing your normal activities. You felt safe living a simple life which made you even more upset at the fact that you’re being forced out of your comfort zone; to mate with this.. this so called man.

“This is my little hide out, when I’ve had a hard day after taking the blame for whatever is was my little brother got us into. I use this place to decompress and find myself again. It gets hard out there and everyone needs a place to lose themselves; blocking the world out. Ya know?”

You did actually, you really did know. The only difference is that you didn’t necessarily have the luxury to just run away. You had too many obligations at home. Your siblings were always getting into mischief, you felt this endless sense to help your mother around your home. Knowing she works just as hard as your father to give you a fulfilled life. Being too tired by the end of the day and just wanting to sink into your cot and dream the day away.

Neteyam seemed to be the type to face his issues head on. But you were more the type to run from yours. Confrontational situations had always been your weak point. Which is why the stubbornness became a safety net for you. You’d beat anyone to the punch first before you’d give anyone the opportunity to hurt or disappoint you. You’d hurt yourself first if that was the case. Never allowing anyone that sort of leverage over you. You had no real reasons to be like this other than the fact that you always felt you had to defend yourself to your father. Otherwise this hard shell was just a mask to hide the real person you imprisoned behind it. But anything was better than being soft.

In this kind of world being vulnerable wasn’t an option. Not anymore.

Neteyam motions to an area just behind a large tree. It was beautiful. A tiny spring that nestled right under the foliage. Trees draped around it giving it shade. Bright bioluminescent flowers covered the area around it, fan lizards resting on top of them. Steam came from the small pool of water. It was a hot spring! Hot springs are hard to find in pandora. Any hot spring you came across were occupied by viper wolves. Commonly used amongst them; as pandoras temperatures dropped too low for their pups at night. They use the heat from the spring to keep them warm. While they aren’t particularly dangerous. Na’vi people give them their space and respect; acknowledging that they are just protecting themselves and their family. So a hot spring is hard to find. One that isn’t already occupied that is.

“Wow” you say, surprise in your eye. This was actually.. nice you thought.

“How did you manage to find this?” Shocked that he made it possible. To be able to escape daily duties as the chiefs son and to have this place all to himself; whenever he needed it.

Neteyam huffs. “I was just flying one day and came across it. Knowing how sparse hot springs are I claimed it to be mine” a smile on his face, showing his pride as he said so.

You look over the scenery at every little detail. Your eyes fall on a little wooden sign. Writing carved into it that read “teyams place”. You chuckle to yourself shocked at how corny this man actually was. This hard facade he tried to put on; being an obvious mask. You and him were more alike than you thought. It gave you comfort knowing you weren’t alone.

You point to the sign, getting him to look in the direction of your finger. Mortified, Neteyam scurries to grab the wooden sign and hide it behind his back. Embarrassed for you to see that soft side to him. His cheeks turning pink in the process. Realizing he was too late and that you already saw it. He removed the sign from behind his back, his head slumped as he runs his fingers along the words carved into it.

“You saw that already huh?” He asks.

This time you’re laughing harder unable to contain yourself. It had been forever since you laughed this hard. Watching as a nervous neteyam struggles to hang the sign back up; in its original place.

“No need to be embarrassed, I’m sure you never thought to bring anyone here. Not me at least. After all, this whole thing is against our will anyways.” You scoff, choosing then to explore other things to make him feel more at ease. Upon exploring you came across a wind chime. Decorated with more wooden figures, one being an ikran the others resembling the seeds of the sacred tree. You run your fingers over it, the chime letting out a beautiful array of sounds that echoed around you.

“This is beautiful” you say before turning your attention back to neteyam. He sat perched on a rock that sat right above the spring. His legs crossed watching as you looked around.

“Thanks, my sister made it for me” he says

A pang of jealousy went thought you. Your siblings never made you anything, the most you’ve ever gotten was a dirty loincloth thrown at your face for you to wash. Even though you were close to Tsu, she wasn’t really a gift giver. It was then that you realized you’ve never received a gift before; not from anyone. Not even your parents.

You drop your hands to your waist. And make your way towards where neteyam sat. He pat his hand on the rock next to him. Signaling for you to sit next to him. You ignore it and sit on the edge of the spring allowing your feet to rest in the water. The hot steam coating your cold legs. Resting your hands in your lap playing with your fingers.

You both sat like this, in silence for a while. By this point Neteyam made his way into the stream. His head leaning back resting against a rock. Looking like he had fallen asleep. His arms rested outwards, his chest sitting just above the water.

You couldn’t help but notice his chiseled chest. The muscles that dressed his arms and the sweat dripping from his head down his neck; onto his chest. He really was attractive. As stubborn as you are you couldn’t deny it. It wouldn’t hurt to steal a look. It still didn’t mean you wanted to be mated to him.

“So uh, how do you feel about all of this” you say finally. Breaking the silence. Neteyams head snapping up, shocked you even said anything. He took a moment before responding and this made you nervous. One of your biggest pet peeves was someone adding to the suspense in an awkward situation.

He finally spoke and much to your surprise there wasn’t any venom coming off his words. He was rather soft spoken.

“Well, I don’t particularly like being forced into it. But it’s still my duty to answer to my parents and you to yours. The least we can do.. like we promised.. is try. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to. But meeting me half way would make this whole thing a little more.. bearable” he says. He reminded you of Tsu, you didn’t want to admit it but he was right and you hated it. At least he was kind about it.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” you say as you roll your eyes, giving a sassiness he didn’t ask for. He rolls his eyes back in response and turns his head from you, snickering his teeth.

“You know, it’s half your fault that you agreed to “try” this all could have been avoided had you actually protested instead of allowing me to speak for you.” He shot at you. He was angry this time. You didn’t blame him though. You weren’t giving him must to work with. And to be quite frank you gave him attitude first.

Neteyam has this power to make you feel how your father made you feel; when you were getting scolded. Small; wanting to implode into yourself and hide. You didn’t understand this and it didn’t make you feel any better about it. If you really were going to try this “thing” out you both had to get on an understanding and quickly; otherwise this will never work.

“Okay look, I’ve never even dated someone before let alone mated with them. I mean, ease up on me will you? This was thrown in your face too. My best years are about to be ripped from me and there’s nothing I can do about it.” You spit, tears reheating to make their way down your face. Your throat swells feeling yourself growing more upset. The last thing you will allow to happen is for Neteyam Sully to see you cry. But you couldn’t lie to yourself; and try to convince yourself any of this is okay.

You get up to leave turning your back to him ready to allow your feet to take you away. Where, didn’t matter. Just as long as it wasn’t here. Just like before, running away was always the best option for you. You could hear water moving and wet feet hitting the rocks coming for you.

“Y/N wait! I didn’t mean to…” neteyam says grabbing your wrist to turn you to him. By reflex you slap his hand out of yours. Tears already falling down your cheeks. Embarrassed that he’s now seen you in your most vulnerable moment. You hiss at him. Your only defense to protect your breaking heart. How could your parents do this to you. It’s clear this will never work.

“Don’t touch me!” You yell. Neteyam stepping back, shock across his face at your sudden outburst. You sob into your hands turning yourself away from neteyam. All of your walls that you worked to hard to build; slowly crashing down on your shoulders.

Peering at him with tears in your eyes; you finally let loose. “Aren’t you tired? Don’t you want to live a little. Aren’t you sick of your parents dictating everything you do? Don’t you want to find real love instead of being forced into it?!” You yell between sobs, your voice raising with every question. All neteyam could do was stand still and watch as you crumble in front of him. He wasn’t the best with comforting people. Not unless it was Tuk. He’s always scared to say the wrong thing. Often finding himself biting his tongue. But something in him wanted to speak up. Seeing you so weak when just a moment ago you were filled with fire.

This feeling being unfamiliar to him he couldn’t just sit back and watch you fall apart.

“Y/N, please.. I, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry” he says as he rests a hand on your shoulder. Only this time you didn’t push him away. You had no more fight in you. No more energy to keep arguing. He had finally won. Guilt running through him, all he could let you do was cry it out. He grabs hold of your shoulders and turns you towards him. His own eyes glossing over as he feels your pain. He can relate.

He pulls your chin up to get you to look into his eyes. Your big yellow eyes meeting his, red and puffy from crying. Barely being able to make out the expression on his face as your eyes glossed over.

“We will figure this out. I don’t particularly know how.. but we will make it through this. If it makes you happy I will tell our parents we’ve decided that this is against eywas will. Just please.. don’t cry” he says as he wiped the tears still falling from your eyes. You didn’t know what you were feeling but needed comfort, you leaned into his touch. Just wanted the pain in your heart to go away. It was here and now that you decided that putting on this mask was only hurting you, and it couldn’t continue. It wasn’t your parents breaking your heart. It was you.

Netayam wipes the last of your tears as you finally calm down. He doesn’t want to let go afraid you’ll crumble again. But he lets go anyway to give you your space. Instantly missing his touch in the process. What is happening to me. You thought. You shake away the thoughts as you collect yourself finding the strength to speak again.

“No, both of our parents deserve better than that. They deserve for us to at least try. Like we promised. I want to try. The only thing I ask if that you take your time with me; and to give me space when I need it.. please” you say, giving neteyam a pleading look. He nods his head not having anything else to say. But finally finding the words.

“Whatever you want.” He says moving a piece of hair from your face that had fallen amidst your crying. Again you don’t protest. It was a harmless gesture and he’s just being nice. Sooner or later you will both actually come to the conclusion that you weren’t meant to be together. But you are determined to do things the right way. Afraid to further disappoint your parents. Giving up wasn’t an option. Not this time.

“Thank you” is all you can say. Hanging your head. Neteyam calls for his ikran as you both mount and make your way back home. Landing where the ikran are put away and tended too. As you both dismount, you see both of your parents approaching. Instantly snapping you into reality and wiping away the evidence; that you just broken down entirely in front of this stranger.

“Y/N!” Your mother lets out meeting the gaze of you and then Neteyam. You both sign I see you as you greet your parents. Neteyams father only a few steps behind your own. For the first time in days you lock eyes with your father. Sending him a smile. Not having anymore fight left in you.

He returns it before he speaks. “It’s good to see you two getting along” he says. Before you can say a word neteyam interjects saving you from exposing your post cry voice. Looking up at him and giving him a smile with your eyes to say thank you.

“I was just showing her around sir” he explained, his father giving him a look of approval.

You’re mother noticing how uncomfortable you looked with so many people surrounding you. She finally speaks. “Well, we don’t want to interrupt. You two have fun.” Your mother says as they all turn to leave you two alone. You didn’t notice you were holding your breath until neteyam tells you to breath. Finally relaxing with his touch on your shoulder.

“So” he says turning to you. “See you tomorrow?” He says. You reluctantly agree but you didn’t entirely despise the idea.

“See you tomorrow” you say. Neteyam gives you that big smile he gave you earlier today and pats you on the head before walking away. You, watching as his long hair swings side to his. His muscles contracting with every step. You gawk at the imagine, snapping out of it instantly.

“What is happening to me?” You finally say as you turn in the direction towards your own home. Ready to put it to rest for the day.

♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️

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