A letter to someone who i will never send this to.
Tw below mentiones of suicide
Yknow i really hate one of my headmayes. Ingsoc. He keeps getting us back in contactt with someone who quite literally ruined our mental state so severely thst we tried to commit not once but twice. Clearly we suck ass at it we tried 3 times in that like month and literally woke up fine everhtime clearly we do not have drugs that can slime u tf out. Whatever. Maybe we were subconsciously scared and didnt take enough. Anyway. They ruined us as a person. It took us years to br able to branch out, be more social, make more friends. In 2025 I was doing so well we had improved so much. We met december. From there on it went downhill.
We now have panic attacks when or after talking to new people especially online and in the centricide fanbase. We are WORSE then we were when we started to improve. 4 years of work down the drain. 4 years. Im going to be well into being an adult at this rate before ive properly recovered again.
Being scared of people isnt fun. And note to them if someone genuinely shakes, cries, cant breathe and almost vomits from the amount of distress you contacting them gives them. You need to fucking work on yourself. Because that is not normal.
You blocked us again because we "hate you" and you are right. And thats nobody's fault but your own. You treated me so poorly and never once apologized. All I ever wanted was an apology. Yet you always saw me as the bad guy. I was the bad guy for being uncomfortable around a guy you actively told me was an abusive groomer. I was the bad guy for getting groomed and being in denial. You could have just blocked me and stepped away but instead you had basically everhone I knew at the time leave me. Making everything WORSE. I was the bad guy for feeling iffy about someone you told me was neglectful and abusive. Which turned out to be one of the sweetest people I know.
You ruined us. You made us worse when we trjed to recover. All we wanted was the best for you and we forgave you over and over again. And im done. Ive been done. I just did it all again cuz I felt guilty because someone wanted me to be friends with you again. But I cant stand being friends with you. I just want to forget you. I just wsnt to forget the pain you've put me through.
You know I woukd have forgiven you for everything if youd just said sorry. I wouldn't have hated you at all. If you just apologized for everything you put me through. But you never did and you never will.
I hope you never contact me again. And I hope our mutual doesnt mention you any more. I can't handle it.
What's worse is I miss you. I feel like a stupid dog. Ive been hurt do many times but I miss you and I hate it. I hate it so much. I want to forget you. I need to.
I just need this to all be over. I can't handle this anymore. Im sick of you always blocking mr and stressing me out. You contacted me recently and I hated that. Please just. Unless you are going to apologize please dont come back.
