Is it okay that we've never known the real count of our head mates? We have very heavy barriers between us + aphantasia and as a result even though I'm always in front (idk why? I've just never ever been able to leave the front, I'm not always in control though, when I'm in front and not in control t feels like I'm watching the body from above) and sometimes I'm aware that someone is in front with us, I still am not aware of how many of us there are or what most of them do. There have been many times where I can look back and say ohh someone else was in front w/ me and that's why we behaved that way but I cant easily identify anyone at all especially when I don't even rlly know what makes me "me"? All of us refer to the body as "I" frequently but it's more like different versions of the same person with different likes/dislikes sometimes and things like that, and I have some of that stuff in my notebooks but I can just never actually talk to them much at all and have no idea how many of us exist
hey, this is totally fine and tbh we feel like this is a normal experience for many systems, especially those who are newly discovered or still trying to make sense of their plurality. it took us over 2 years to get more or less of an accurate headcount of how many alters we have, and that was with a ton of work internally and pretty intensive therapy every week. and tbh there are probably even more alters that us in the main fronting group don’t know about… it comes with the territory of having dissociation issues.
it’s okay to not know how many headmates are in your system. maybe that answer will come with time and effort, or maybe not, but we think what’s more important is showing respect, kindness, and acceptance to the headmates that you do meet.
if you’re not already, you may find it useful to start using the simplyplural app to keep track of the headmates you know about. you can leave notes in some conspicuous place to urge the other members of your system to use it too. that way, y’all can collaborate to start building a database of your headmates so you can at least start trying to get a better idea of how many members your system has. of course, you could alternatively start keeping track of this information in a notebook or document. hopefully, with time and patience, you’ll be able to get a better idea of the size and scope of your system.
we hope this helps… we know trying to learn how many members are in your system can be a daunting task, especially if you have strong dissociative barriers between headmates. but we’re wishing you the best of luck with figuring this out! rest assured, your experience is pretty common, especially for those of us who struggle with heavy dissociative barriers between members.
