Jun 27, 2019
Peak sibling energy
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Peak sibling energy
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OK !! small update on my life since i haven’t rly been active here
the main reason for that was bc i got ?? a little bit better and wasn’t restricting as much bUT i am back babey ( unfortunately )
anyways in other news my mom made a comment abt my pants being more loose fitting on me and it made me rly happy BUT i think my bf is ?? maybe suspicious idk
i spent like the whole day w him yesterday and only ate a piece of fish n some candy so .. i can’t tell if he’s suspicious or if he was just worried that i didn’t eat more …… anyways i don’t want to worry him so :( he’s rly sweet and i love them a lot so
Ok but. Thinking about it. I recognise myself in Bellamy. That is, his desire to draw lines around what is his, what is precious, and protect it at all costs.
If I came from the Ark who’s regime had forced my mum to prostitute herself to protect our family, that kept my sister locked up her whole life because her existence would have been snuffed out, that executed my mum the moment she was found out, that locked my last remaining family up away from me who I’d tried to protect my whole life. And if I could create a new world, a new community free of these rules and free of the people who enforced these events. I might have said, fuck them. This is a new world and I rule it and they would kill me. If these random hostiles suddenly attacked and threatened this chance at a new life, if my sister was kidnapped, if people were killed right in front of me. If they betrayed me and I had to help kill people who I wanted to save. If they killed more people I cared about and who says it will ever end if we don’t just make clear that we’re not to be trifled with STAY AWAY.
Would I have taken the same actions? I certainly hope not. But I recognise the impulse to grab those I love, those I belong with, to my chest and protect them and say fuck anybody else, you can’t ever trust them. We shouldn’t have to. We have to be independent and safe.
Got Lego star wars on iPad,so fuckin hally