#haznat

natsuki cursed hayley goddamn kiyoko for making such an uncomfortably perfect song for this situation, this middle-of-the-night closeness that was so nice it bordered on unbearable. hazuki’d invited her for a sleepover - okay, innocent enough. she was a nice girl and anyway natsuki needed to start going out more instead of just lounging around watching buffy reruns (the ones with willow and tara, obviously) so that her cool-girl image wasn’t tarnished by that of a couch potato in the hoodie for a college she’d never go to. so she went, hoping maybe that it would evolve into something more. 

she knew it wouldn’t, obviously. hazuki was straight, either that or she was the most oblivious queer girl in the world, and either way natsuki had no business trying to turn something like a sleepover into anything else. so they watched a bad rom-com where natsuki only focused on the female lead and sort of pitied her because she was giving up her career for this guy who probably smelled like garlic or something, and hazuki painted her own nails while telling natsuki she’d look so good with purple nails if only she’d stop biting them, maybe grow them out a little, which was hilarious in ways she would probably never understand. they swapped secrets and hazuki told her about the time she skinned her knee so bad practicing tennis that a whole flap of skin got torn off and she didn’t even notice until later when her mom freaked out because it was still hanging there off her leg, and in return natsuki told her about the time she dressed as one of the disney princes for halloween - which one? hazuki asked, as if it mattered, and natsuki had to admit she didn’t remember - just so she could match all the princesses in her class somehow and one of them kissed her on the lips and she fainted on the spot. 

they laughed about it, both of them, hazuki in her strangely simple bed (a part of natsuki had expected it to be a princess’s abode, all pink and frilly, but it was really the opposite, and there was a little mobile of all the planets dangling above her, and natsuki in her sleeping bag on the floor. 

until the heater went out, that is, just after they’d decided to stop talking and actually do the sleeping part of a sleepover, and hazuki told natsuki she’d catch a cold if she wasn’t careful and why would you let that be on my conscious, natsuki, if you got sick i’d be so mad at myself! and so she ended up in hazuki’s bed, watching her mutter incomprehensible things in her sleep and watching the planets when that ceased to tire her out. so natsuki just laid there, thinking about how tiny the bed was - didn’t she have brothers? where are they? - and how close hazuki was. she parted her lips in a dry croak, fully under the impression that the girl next to her slept like a rock. 

“you’re killin’ me, katou.”

no response, not that she was expecting one, so natsuki continued.

“you’re breakin’ all the girls’ hearts and ya don’t even know it. lucky. how’d i end up falling for a straight girl anyhow? always promised myself i wouldn’t do that. ugh.” 

“mhmm … natsuki?” 

“gyah!” natsuki let out a noise that’d rival kumiko in terms of bizarreness as she scrambled off the bed. hazuki looked down at her, blinking with those big eyes. 

“you okay?”

“oh, me? yeah, yeah, i’m fine, katou.” 

“you can call me hazuki, you know.” hazuki pouted. “you’re sleeping in my bed, we should be on a first-name basis by now.” 

“yeah, but-”

“‘specially if you, uh, like me. in a gay way.” 

had natsuki been in a better state of mind - namely, a state of mind that wasn’t 3am in her crush’s bedroom on her floor tangled up in blankets - she’d probably have made some joke, like i like everyone in a gay way, but instead she just kind of blinked like an idiot.

“yeah,” she said, which was probably one of the worst things to say in response, but natsuki’s sleep-addled brain had few other answers. hazuki leaned up against her wall, against some poster of jupiter or maybe it was mars, natsuki’d always gotten those two mixed up, and stared at the ceiling. 

“it’s weird,” she said. “feeling like this.”

“is this the part where ya kick me out of your house because you don’t feel safe having me around?” there was more of an edge to it than natsuki intended, but hazuki didn’t seem fazed.

“you’re … you’re a girl.”

“i’m aware.”

“and i’m … also? a girl?”

“yeah, that’s kinda how this works.”

“i’m not used to it, is all.” dramatically, hazuki flopped back onto her pillow. “then you come in as gay as anything and what do i do with that?! i don’t know! i don’t know anything!” 

“hey.” natsuki put a hand on her shoulder - not a flirty gesture, not anything but consolation. “not to sound like some godawful after-school special, but you’ll figure it all out. not now, but. y’know. someday.”

“thanks.” hazuki looked at her again, and natsuki’s heart did a loop-de-loop. “you’re a good one, natsuki.”

“i try, ka-”

“hmm?”

“katou.”

“hmm? yeah?” hazuki stirred blearily, fingers curling around natsuki’s leg, where she’d been resting. 

“it’s 2 in the morning.” 

“so?” hazuki sat up, shaking her head. “we don’t have school tomorrow! or is there some secret gay law where you have to-”

“pfft, no,” natsuki snorted. hazuki pouted. “it’s just … late, y’know?” natsuki scratched the back of her neck a bit self-consciously, not quite looking at hazuki. she knew she’d get a pair of puppy-dog eyes if she did. their relationship was still new, still undefined for the most part, but she was damn near head-over-heels for the girl leaning on her leg.

“don’t you wanna see them crush a hamburger, though?”

“…i do.”

“kumiko-chan,” hazuki whispered. kumiko blinked. 

“yeah?”

“is natsuki-senpai wearing some kinda new perfume or something? or is that a new sweater?”

“why … w-why do you ask?” 

“i don’t know, she’s just …” hazuki rocked back and forth, letting out a one-note hum as she did so. whatever it meant, kumiko didn’t know how to respond to it.

“uh, well, she doesn’t wear perfume, and it’s the middle of summer. the only thing that’s different about her is that choker thing, i guess.”

“oh.” hazuki patted her cheeks, trying to calm the way they’d started to burn. “it’s nice.”

“wait, hazuki, do you-”

“no, of course not! what makes you think that?!” 

“it’s written all over your face!” midori squealed, hanging off her contrabass like it was a lover. “you’re in love, hazuki-chan! i can read you like a book!” 

“it’s just natsuki!” hazuki insisted. “she’s - what is it you said, kumiko, next in line to take over asuka’s position of being everyone’s gay awakening? that’s it!” 

“you just proved our point,” kumiko said, but she couldn’t help the little smile that tugged at her lips. “hazuki, it’s okay, it’s completely-”

“what’re ya talking about?” natsuki strode over, smirking, and hazuki promptly stumbled back, suddenly reduced to a stuttering mess. 

“nothing!” she squeaked. natsuki let out a chortle. 

“i’ll leave you to this ‘nothing,’ then,” she said, and walked off without another word. 

hazuki: you've been?

(mmmmmmmmmheeCK YEAH)

“it sure is pretty tonight, huh?” hazuki rocked back and forth on the roof, feeling the breeze lightly tickle the back of her neck. natsuki looked to the stars. 

“yeah,” she said, but her voice sounded a million miles away.

“natsuki-senpai? is everything alright?”

“y’know, you don’t have to call me senpai. we’re, what, six months apart? that kinda thing doesn’t really matter to me.” natsuki folded her arms behind her head as her smile turned to a lazy smirk. “besides, it’s not like i’m some outstanding role model, am i?” hazuki pondered this for a moment.

“i guess you’re not,” she said. natsuki snorted. “you’re more like … i dunno, someone i can rely on. someone kinda like me. we were both on team monaka last year, of course, but more than that! i just … i trust you? and it’s weird, because i trust kumiko-chan, too, but in a really different way, and i dunno if i’m supposed to feel the same way for you as i do for her, but i don’t, and that’s …”

“scary?” natsuki supplied. hazuki slowly nodded. “it means you’re kinda gay, katou.”

“oh.” hazuki suddenly sat up straight, nearly knocking natsuki over. “wait, what?!” 

“we’ve been over this before, haven’t we? i just didn’t push it because, y’know, it’s the kinda thing that you’re supposed to let the person figure out on their own.”

“let’s figure it out, then!” hazuki balled her hands into fists and held them close to her chest like she was accepting a challenge. “kiss me!” 

“i’m not really a huge fan of being some straight gal’s experiment, katou,” natsuki grunted. “you’re serious about this?”

“as serious as i’ve ever been, yeah!” 

“okay, then.” natsuki took a deep breath, leaning in and trying (probably failing) to hide her heart pounding against her chest. “do ya want to take the lead, or should i?”

“i dunno.” hazuki tucked a strand of auburn hair behind natsuki’s ear. “this is nice, though. how about we do it on the count of three?”

“it’s not a rocket launch, ya dweeb.” hazuki pouted, and natsuki suddenly felt a thump in her gut. “chill, chill, i’m kidding. one, two-” hazuki practically leapt at her. 

hazuki was soft, natsuki thought, green tea and some kind of sweet pastry on her breath, unsure but caring, like natsuki was the most delicate thing she’d held. 

natsuki was warm, hazuki thought, experienced but not careless, tasting like violets and the chips that had once lived in the crinkled aluminum bag that sat at her feet, and she was perfect. 

the two girls slowly moved closer to each other, hands around waists and eyes closed but knowing everything like they were wide open, and experimenting was the last thing on either of their minds. when natsuki finally pulled away - for a breath, not like she’d ever want to stop - hazuki was sitting in front of her with her mouth agape and her cheeks dusted a rosy pink. 

“i think i wanna do that again,” she whispered. natsuki let out a laugh at that.